High School Flashbacks

The past came crashing back.  It hit me like a semi taking out a car in an accident.  I just watched The Perks Of Being A Wallflower and was reminded of all I hated about my days in school.  I suffered from anxiety back then although it was never diagnosed… I was just called shy and told to get over it.  I think that is why I have been feeling so depressed lately.

My father had a surgery and I moved in temporarily to try to help take care of him and save money on home health care.  I feel like that shy child again, because I am cut off from friends outside of internet connections.  I spent much of middle school without friends and only limited ones in high school.  I feel alone like I did back then.

So how do I undo this emotional flash back and get back to the present?  How do I find the hope in friendships and the freedom of being able to come and go as I want to?  How do I return to adulthood without abandoning my Dad?

I have to remember that he is healing and getting better… this will not last forever.  I know my anxiety and depression is here to stay but it is TREATABLE.  I have to remember my positive attitudes, medications and gentle escapes in activities I enjoy can all give me benefits.

Writing can help me purge the emotions that overwhelm me.  I can relive the joys and gentle peace of nature through my collection of photographs I have taken on many walks through the area parks and bicycle paths.  And if I just want to check out from reality I can immerse myself in a game on the internet.  There are ways to cope, I just have to stay focused to remember them.

Today I will make it through.  My past lead me to a lot of days and nights of tears.  I can work through bad days, hours, minutes one moment at a time.  I will focus on the hope of a wish made on a dandelion breath.

Digimax A50 / KENOX Q2
Digimax A50 / KENOX Q2
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