I think I am doing something wrong. I am getting so tired of “giving” everything in a friendship and not getting anything back. If it was just one or two friends I would not worry about it so much but I can name at least 4 “friends” in the last couple of years that never or very rarely return any kind of giving. And I am not talking about gifts … just simply giving time, love, basic caring. I am tired of unanswered emails, ignored cards and letters, text messages that are never replied to.
What am I doing wrong? Do I just have the talent of picking all the “worst” people? These are people I have cared about and thought cared about me but they sure don’t show it. I understand getting busy but… I have one friend in the past year I have seen ONCE for about 15 minutes. This was after she used to visit weekly. Another friend has health issue, I understand that… but is typing an email with “I’m doing ok” so time-consuming? Another friend who I have sent letters to three times now and not even a quick phone call to say she got them.
Do I just misunderstand friendship? I have always thought when you care you give of yourself in the relationship. Is that the wrong kind of thinking? I really even like to give. Sending a card or letter when I know someone is down, or just out of the blue for a little bit of a break from the bills in the mail. A text just to say I love you in the middle of the day. An offer of a listening ear when there are problems going on. But I have been left alone and wondering too many times.
So I must be doing it wrong. I should only reply to half of what I receive. I should stop with the random sentiments. And never take the time to write an actual letter to someone to send with a card that is not in digital form. I need to harden my heart and be a part-time “friend” so I match up with what others are doing. Or am I just picking the wrong people to trust and love? Do you share and give or yourself with your friends? Or as a society have we just all become self sufficient?
I may ramble here, but I know I wont change and I will continue to get to a point when it piles up and I think I am the only one who gives once again. I like to do things that make people smile. But just once I would like the kindness to be returned. Is that too much to ask?