Shy Beyond Words

The daily prompt of youth has me stumped.  I have thrown words around for a poem.  Tried to draw on the good and bad of my childhood.  And even looking to a child of war in the news this week.  The backspace won on all those issues.  Youth, especially mine, is not an easy subject for me.

I was shy… so much so even a trip to visit grandparents, aunts and uncles I saw only twice a year would see me become extremely withdrawn.  I think now looking back on it, it may have been early signs of my anxiety disorder showing through.  I would hide behind my parents and have to be persuaded to speak.  One on one would take at least a full day before I would open up much.

Being the shy kid at school also had its effects.  I had few friends and would be picked last for team play in gym.  I would always get marks on my report card to speak up and join in more.  I just couldn’t, I was too terrified to be wrong.  I was convinced the entire class would laugh at me.  I hated reading time when we took turns reading out loud as I would stumble on words and usually hear at least one snicker in the classroom.

Just writing about the memories I feel my chest tighten and a little of that fear return.  But I know what it is now.  I can safely go back and look at the pain with a little knowledge.  It give me a little validation for how I felt back then.  And to know all the times I heard people tell me to “just get over it” were wasted words and not something broken in me.

Remember not to push the next generation.  At least now we have more of an understanding of anxiety and depression issues in children as well as adults.  It is not something to be shy about.  On my depression and anxiety I will not shy away from speaking the truth.  I am getting help and know I am not alone.  None of us are.  (((HUGS)))

I Miss Him

via Daily Prompt: Eyes

I worry I will never look into those eyes again

that warm hazel gaze of his

the almost sad look when he is tired

the joy dancing within when he smiles

I worry I will never touch his hand again

feel the comforting grip of a friend

know that I am cared about in that moment

feel the strength of his grasp

I worry I will never see his smile again

feel the positive outlook he shares

see the joy spread across the room from his laughter

the pure happiness he has in his life

I worry I will never stop this sorrow in me

the feeling of being forgotten

when all I can do is remember

the feelings of love I had…

 

Daily Prompt: Moon

via Daily Prompt: Moon

I wish I had a good picture of the moon… my camera is not that good though.  Last night my friend and I talked about how pretty the moon was as we went to dinner.  If it wasn’t a full moon it was sure close.  And why is it that is always looks so much bigger on the horizon than up above (I know, science and stuff right)?

People seem to be in love with the moon at times.  Just look at how many songs have lovers under a moon.  And it plays well in poetry setting a mood of romantic tones or even dark terror.  But my favorite use of the moon goes back a few years and was unfortunately lost recently.

My ex-husband did a lot of video taping of our daughter as she grew up.  Around the age of two she fell in love with the moon.  We had a tape of her talking so fast about, “The moon, the moon, moon, moon, moon!” that would always bring a smile.  Sadly when her dad passed away recently the DVD got overlooked and lost in the clean up.  But I will always remember the wide-eyed innocence and excitement my little one had for the light in the sky each night.

I still point out the moon to her some nights, but at nearly 22 it does not have that new discovery affect it did when she was so young.  It is nice to be able to look into the sky at night though and remember the wonders of childhood through the magic of her eyes.  Keep your mind young… really notice the moon or the first star at night.  Repeat the childhood rhyme of “Star light, star bright, first star I see tonight…” and make a wish.  The magic may just still be there.  (((HUGS)))

Ghosts By The Tombstones

Digimax A50 / KENOX Q2
Digimax A50 / KENOX Q2

via Daily Prompt: Ghost

I used to take walks to release tension from the chaotic world I was in.  One day I made the decision to take a camera with me as I found so many things along the trails beautiful.  A few times I would escape the traffic of the city streets and take a short cut through a local cemetery to start my walk in quiet peace.  This day the sun shining through the trees caught my attention, but the photo turned out even better than what I saw.  The light refraction off the lens made beautiful ghosts among the tombstones.  This was not long after my mom had died and it gave me a certain peace to see these spirits close to home.  Remember those gone are never forgotten as they forever live in our hearts.

Daily Prompt: Complicated

via Daily Prompt: Complicated

This daily challenge seems too easy… in one word my life.  Or I could go with any of a number of friends I know who have complicated lives. I feel I might even be able to dig up a complicated picture (and may post it here as well).  But what is complicated most right now?  My financial situation, my love life, my family dynamic, even friend interactions… they can all get complicated.  And quite honestly I sat down with too many idea to put into words…but that is where the real complication comes in.  It is like an overload caused a writers block of sorts and I don’t know what to write.

So I thought of a picture I took years ago that I still don’t understand… I then spent 20 minutes searching for it in my files and believe is somehow got deleted.  To describe it does not convey the confusion and complicated nature nearly as well as the picture did.  SO … back to thoughts on what to write. I could try to write in poetic form, but I am feeling no rhyme or rhythm today.  And that leaves me back to a writers block.

How about a definition?  According to dictionary.com complicated is ” composed of elaborately interconnected parts; complex” so why not try to find connected things to complicated in a form I am not very strong with to challenge this writer’s block, therefor making it more complicated… a political acrostic.

Corporations

Organizations

Machines

Pollution

Line assembly

Industry

Conglomerate

Acquisitions

Technology

Engineering

Destruction of environment

Daily Prompt: Reach

via Daily Prompt: Reach

Reach back I’m still here

Reach back I never left

Reach back into my life

Reach back I’m still here

 

Lost in thoughts of yesterday

Times when we would play

Those lovers games of a wasted youth

If only then we’d known the truth

 

Reach back I’m still here

Reach back I never left

Reach back into my life

Reach back I’m still here

 

You moved away to see the sights

I remember watching your tail lights

Fading into the darkness

My heart filled with emptiness

 

Reach back…

Find the past

That love still lasts

I never stopped reaching for you

Now you just reach back too

 

Reach back (reach back) I’m still here

Reach back (reach back) I never left

Reach back (reach back) into my life

Reach back, reach back, reach back I’m still here