False Friend Warning

This is a test, this is only a test.

If this had been an actual friendship

You would have gotten something in return.

Instead you gave and gave with nothing to show for it.

In the event of a real friendship

The give and take is equal,

The love shared is returned,

And never are you ignored.

Please remember to protect your heart

And never leave it open for others to break.

Take shelter in your own self-worth.

Don’t let others turn you ugly from their point of view.

Remember you are worth so much more…

This has only been a test.

Day 17 – 100 Days of Happiness

Today was another day of celebration and family.  My Dad treated the whole family to dinner at Olive Garden while we celebrated the two youngest family members September birthdays.  It was good food, good company and conversation.  As the family ages and moves on these gatherings are harder and harder to plan where everyone can get together without work, school or other conflicts.  It is wonderful to have the memories to cherish with both the young and the old.  I hope you all can be in your families embrace as often as possible.  (((HUGS)))

Day 16 – 100 Days of Happiness

Today started out pretty good, but turned rough in the end.  I had another “fibro fog” morning and forgot to take my morning meds.  Still … I felt good enough to take in another beautiful fall day and walk the short path to my doctor’s office for my weekly session.  Just that little five minutes of fresh air and sunshine made me feel almost normal.  The rest of the day my back began to plague me and I developed a horrible headache.  I still have fibromyalgia and can have the day turn around on me fast, but I try to hold onto the good that was there before hand.  That walk was short (and it no doubt helped fuel my allergies), but I moved and got a dose of sunshine.  That is enough to make me happy for the day.

Quiet Fight

silence cuts deeper

when we disagree again

tearing us apart

Day 15

Hidden Beauty

There is often beauty hidden in nature just like there is good that can be found among the bad.  Today was an anxiety filled day as it was time for my cancer re-check.  13 years ago I discovered I had breast cancer.  I went through the chemotherapy and radiation both.  I beat it with the help of some great doctors.  Today was bittersweet as after seeing my oncologist all these years I “graduated” and will no longer see him for my yearly mammograms.  He kept me going and got me through some rough patches.  Even went above and beyond to help me find a doctor that would treat my fibromyalgia.  So I am ecstatic to be free of the oncology department, but I am going to miss some real heroes in my book.  Cancer is an ugly thing, but there is beauty hidden in anything.

Daily Prompt: Unfinished

The conversation stopped,

another argument left unfinished.

The air is thick with alcohol

more words would be pointless,

this will not even be a memory.

The night will wipe the slate clean

and I will be left with the mess

once again facing the truth alone

while he stays lost in his bottle.

Day 14 – 100 Days of Happiness

This morning I woke up with a lot on my mind.  The wheels started spinning before I even really had my eyes open.  One of the wonderful gifts of dealing with anxiety.  But as I woke up and took in the surroundings I felt the warmth of a friend.  Curled up next to me was my cat (well actually my daughter’s cat, but she can’t have pets at her apartment).  I still miss my cat Stumpy who passed away earlier this year.  Chevy is not as much of a cuddly cat but she can have her moments.  This morning was one of those precious moments.  It helped to calm me a little to just pet her and look at how peaceful she was (unlike at 2am when her running races and jumping and climbing fits happen).  I think any pet can give us so much with the unconditional love they share.  What a happy way to start the day…

Day 13

Today my “baby” turned 22… she is my whole world.  Adjusting to her growing older, growing up and moving into adulthood has been hard, but I could not be prouder of her than I am.  She has advanced in her job, she has held together an apartment on her own for over a year and is now sharing a place with her closest friend.  She has turned into a remarkable woman.

Today we had a late lunch out and then returned to celebrate with a few gifts, cake and some card games.  It was a good day for her… I always try to make it a special day for her.  I even laughed some real deep laughs and smiled for a while.

Now the cards are put away and my daughter has gone home. We are having a light dinner and I have me feet up resting my back.  The washing machine hums in the next room and my boyfriend is watching football.  …today was almost a “normal” day, even a happy day.

Daily Prompt: Pretend

Just take a moment

Grant me a wish

Pull me into your arms

And give me a kiss

I know it’s not real

But it’s all that I want

Meet me tonight

At our restaurant

Tell me you love me

And we never will part

Pretend for a while

You wont break my heart

When it is over

And I wake from this dream

All that remains of us

Is lost to the steam…

Day 12

I am exhausted… another day of wearing the mask to appear to be doing alright.  I forgot to take my meds this morning and the day just didn’t go as planned.  BUT there was some good that happened today.  My boyfriend started his vacation.  We can’t afford to go anywhere really and have no plans, but it should be nice to have him home to help on my rough days.  I just have to gather to courage to ask for help instead of hiding how I feel inside.  That is something I am working on…