As a person who suffers from depression I have learned that I will have bad days, but to look at the little things as large accomplishments on those days… because in the middle of a depressive episode they are a big deal to get done. Today I felt exhausted, defeated and alone, but I pulled together all the strength I had and stepped into the shower and got dressed – a minor accomplishment for most people. I was physically more tired afterwards, but I felt I accomplishes something. The laundry still waits, the dishwasher still needs to be emptied, those things can wait. I hope tomorrow is a better day. Today I was happy to take a small step in taking care of me.
First of all for those of you following along… sorry I have dropped the ball the last couple of days on the daily prompts. I am at least sticking with my #100happydays. Things have been busy and trying to fit in an hour to meditate when I WON’T fall asleep is a challenge. So my schedule is a little out of whack. But the rain waters are not washing me away… I am still here and had a wonderful moment of happiness today.
I have to drive about an hour out-of-town to get my psych meds and the anxiety of that drive usually gets to me. I take a half an anxiety pill and pray for the best when I set off. Today however when I got to my appointment my lovely daughter texted me and wanted to meet afterwards for some coffee. So I drove back out-of-town and hopped into the coffee shop where she works (she stayed late after her shift just to see me) and had a hot caramel apple drink while she drank her iced coffee. It wasn’t a long time but it is always good when I get to see my daughter and she even bought me my drink. Somehow (couldn’t have been my doing) she turned into a really sweet woman! I am very proud of her daily!
Today I had a break in my fibromyalgia pain and was able to get birthday shopping done for my daughter and niece. It is often difficult to make it through one store for shopping, but I did actually get to two stores today to complete the shopping. It felt so good to walk through the store with only minimal pain today. I found what I was looking for and got what I wanted to get. A perfect shopping trip… and that has not happened for a while. So my moment of happiness was a lack of pain and browsing the Halloween displays at Target. I hope each one of you found at least one spot of happiness in your day. (((HUGS)))
When I started this challenge I knew there would be days that my depression would try to stop me from finding something that made me happy. Although most of the day was down, I did receive a phone call from a friend this afternoon that was the highlight of my day. I haven’t been able to talk to him much with his work schedule and me taking care of my Dad lately. So it was nice to talk to him even if it was just for a short time. I tried to take that phone call and carry that joy with me all day, but it has been a challenge. I don’t know if the depression is causing pain, or my fibromyalgia is flaring but I have been aching today. It is nice to have that call to fall back on to find some joy. You never know when something as simple as a “Hi, how are you doing?” can lift spirits of someone who is down. ( …thank you sir for the call!)
Silence is golden
Silence is the enemy
I am beginning a new journey that I am looking at in a positive light. My doctor is working with me on mindfulness and meditation. I have tried meditation on my own in the past with not much luck. But now I have learned that it is normal for your mind to wander, especially when you first start out. I have had a couple of days of mindful eating… it is hard not to just chew things up and swallow. I have to notice texture, taste, temperature, etc. when I am eating. But tonight was a new step that made me feel pretty good about how well things are going.
This new step was a 40 minute body scan meditation. Aside from the cat trying to jump on me and my phone going off in the middle of it (I just silenced it and went on) I think it was a very good first attempt. I did find some frustration as being more aware of my body during the scan I also became more aware of the pain that always lingers with fibromyalgia. But overall I am very pleased with the way it went and that was my moment of happiness today.
I used to have dreams
of you and your mountain
and the day that would come
when you would show it to me.
Sharing that love of the outdoors
with you and I together
on a hike to new heights.
But now my health
has crushed my dreams.
Your distance has grown further
and I feel we can never bridge
the chasm between us.
This has been a pretty hectic weekend that was kicked off with my Dad’s trip to the ER for a fall and kept rolling right through this afternoon. So today’s moment of happiness was sitting down after dinner to quietly watch a zombie movie. I laughed a few times, jumped once and was happy to see the good guys win in the end. We have had so many zombie movies and TV shows though, I was joking with my boyfriend when I said, “You know if zombies ever come to reality we will all go for the head shots and watch that not be the real way to kill them.” Here’s to hoping we never have to find out!
One look from you
And passionate dreams take flight.
But why would you want me?
I am past my prime
And my looks are not great.
My mind is broken
And my heart still tender.
If I only knew
What was behind that look;
Is it all just my hopes and wishes
Or does passion dwell there for you too?
For now I imagine our bliss
And hide my desires inside,
Take a deep sigh
And return a gentle smile.
The trash talk was flying… I had been challenged. All week my daughter and I have been going back and forth claiming to be ready to put the other into the poor house in Monopoly. The battle was set to start tonight after we all got together for a pizza dinner. My daughter, my boyfriend, a brief appearance by our cat and I all set down to battle. I thought I had the world in my hands when I purchased both Boardwalk and Park Place. But fate would prove to have different plans for me. I fell first, then my boyfriend, and my daughter did truly reign as the Monopoly champion tonight. Even in a loss I easily found my moment of happiness tonight.