Happy and Grateful – Day 19

I have undertaken a challenge this year.  I am trying to find the good in every day by writing about happiness and gratitude that I feel.  No matter how small there is always something to bring a smile or make you grateful, if just for a moment.  Follow along with me as I dig deep as necessary and find the peace of the day.  Join in if you are feeling happy and grateful too – in the comments or on your own blog.  Let’s find some fun!

Today has been a challenge.  I am dealing with a lot of anxiety.  I took anxiety meds during the day today… first time in quite a while for that.  And then of course I find that discouraging and get down on myself, which doesn’t help the depression… it all feeds of one feeling to another.  So I have not done much today.  Besides nap and staying in my safe little comfort zone I did one thing to try to help a bit.  I wrote.

I wrote to my doctor – I do this on a fairly regular basis to purge words and feelings between visits when I feel overwhelmed.  The first 5 minutes or so of our sessions are him reading my “letter” and me gathering my thoughts of what I want to talk about this week.

I wrote here on WP.  Sometimes the daily prompt can distract me a bit to help avoid the thoughts I don’t want to hear.  Today I just worried more about a friend.

I wrote some poetry.  And that is what I will share.  At least the best of what I wrote.  It is nothing great, but it helps take the fear out of me and sometimes that is all I need to detach from it.

The Countdown

Drop by drop

The tears fall

Fear rules my day

Rational or not

It has taken over

Life hangs in the balance

Feels like the air is thin

Every shadow is an enemy

Every noise an intruder

Break this cycle

Stop this fear

Before it consumes me

If only I knew how…

My fear is a little less tonight.  I feel scared and alone still, but not the all consuming fear and anxiety that left me breathless earlier.  I guess that means the medication worked some.  The writing worked a little bit more.  I am happy I made it through the day minute by minute.  I am grateful to have the ways I can try to calm my fears.  Now I am off to write one more place… to a friend who is having a birthday soon.  A nice upbeat letter will help keep my mind active and unaware of the surrounding darkness.

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