Happy and Grateful – Day 25

I have undertaken a challenge this year.  I am trying to find the good in every day by writing about happiness and gratitude that I feel.  No matter how small there is always something to bring a smile or make you grateful, if just for a moment.  Follow along with me as I dig deep as necessary and find the peace of the day.  Join in if you are feeling happy and grateful too – in the comments or on your own blog.  Let’s find some fun!

Tough day… I don’t want to write, I don’t want to read, I don’t want to listen to music, I don’t want to watch TV or a movie.  I really don’t even want to breathe at the moment.  But this is about happiness and gratitude.  I say it everyday that there is always SOME small moment that is good.  It is hard to find it today.

My boyfriend was home sick from work today.  I kept up on how he was feeling throughout the day… he never asked how I was.  It has been snowing all day and the moisture adds to my aches and pains.  I am sick of grey days and short ones.  I really need spring.

But back to happiness.  I had a place to stay today in the warmth –  no outdoor job, no going to run errands, no driving in the snow.  So my shelter was my happiness today.  With my depression and anxiety here with the pain today being home is like having a security blanket – warm and comfortable.  I am grateful I can go to sleep and wake up to a fresh (and hopefully better) start tomorrow.

Now to see about the tricky part… sleep.

Happy and Grateful – Day 24

I have undertaken a challenge this year.  I am trying to find the good in every day by writing about happiness and gratitude that I feel.  No matter how small there is always something to bring a smile or make you grateful, if just for a moment.  Follow along with me as I dig deep as necessary and find the peace of the day.  Join in if you are feeling happy and grateful too – in the comments or on your own blog.  Let’s find some fun!

Trying new things is something that I need to do more of.  Anxiety often keeps me from branching out to do this.  Of all things to be anxious about tonight it was walking into an unfamiliar place.  A new restaurant opened close by about a month ago and my boyfriend wanted to try it out tonight.  Sometimes I have enough social anxiety a crowded restaurant is hard to walk into… make it one I am new to and it is worse.  I did some coping mechanisms – deep breathing, concentrating really hard on just our table, not the whole place, and reminding myself I was safe and close to home if there was a big problem.

I made it through dinner ok.  It got better after a lot of the dinner rush was over and the place emptied out a bit.  The food was really good and reasonably priced.  The restaurant had a nice sports bar type atmosphere and was playing some college basketball while we were there.

I don’t understand how I can get so worked up about something so simple as a dinner out, but I do sometimes.  The thing to remember is I made it through ok in the past and I WILL do so again in the future no matter how much anxiety I have.  I am happy we tried something new tonight,  I am grateful I was able to get through it without an anxiety attack that only would have made things worse.

No More Second Chances

Destroyed by you again

This devastation has to end

I let you in and trust once more

Only to have you walk out the door

 

Even though it hurts so deep

And I suddenly begin to weep

The lies don’t ever seem to stop

And this life on the edge I have to drop

 

I lock the door and take a deep breath

Knowing this is our relationship’s death

I could not control our fate

If only I’d known before our first date…

Happy and Grateful – Day 23

I have undertaken a challenge this year.  I am trying to find the good in every day by writing about happiness and gratitude that I feel.  No matter how small there is always something to bring a smile or make you grateful, if just for a moment.  Follow along with me as I dig deep as necessary and find the peace of the day.  Join in if you are feeling happy and grateful too – in the comments or on your own blog.  Let’s find some fun!

My daughter has been very busy.  She is filling in at her job as a temporary manager due to a maternity leave the manager took.  She has worked a lot of extra hours and has not had time to visit.  Today we managed to find the time to catch a late lunch/early dinner together.  It was so good to see her.

We had some good food, good conversation and each laughed… that was definitely needed by both of us.  She is always a bright spot in my day.  I think we have a pretty good relationship that goes beyond mother daughter to friendship.  I was always really close with my mom and wanted my daughter to have the same.  Seeing my daughter today made me very happy.  And I am grateful to have her as both a daughter and a friend.

Happy and Grateful – Day 22

I have undertaken a challenge this year.  I am trying to find the good in every day by writing about happiness and gratitude that I feel.  No matter how small there is always something to bring a smile or make you grateful, if just for a moment.  Follow along with me as I dig deep as necessary and find the peace of the day.  Join in if you are feeling happy and grateful too – in the comments or on your own blog.  Let’s find some fun!

This was a day of simple pleasures… my feet up in my recliner, cat in my lap, texting with my daughter, a good cup of coffee, watching football with my boyfriend, etc.  No one thing stood out.  But it was a good day over all.  Now I sit here doing something that I love – writing.  It makes me happy to hear the sound of the keys clicking on the laptop.  I am grateful I had a day where the good out weighed the bad.

Changing Success

As a kid I dreamed of stardom,

A movie star or singer.

As a teen I lowered my goals,

The song writer or a stage hand.

In my twenties it wasn’t about the fame,

Marriage and a good job.

As I matured only one thing mattered,

Be the best mom I could be.

Now I want to be successful in one thing,

Being me.

Happy and Grateful – Day 21

I have undertaken a challenge this year.  I am trying to find the good in every day by writing about happiness and gratitude that I feel.  No matter how small there is always something to bring a smile or make you grateful, if just for a moment.  Follow along with me as I dig deep as necessary and find the peace of the day.  Join in if you are feeling happy and grateful too – in the comments or on your own blog.  Let’s find some fun!

I stayed in bed today… probably for too long.  I just was so tired.  I fought the fatigue and didn’t go back to sleep, but I didn’t get the energy to move for quite a while.  I hate when days start off like this.  It makes it seem like I am fighting from behind to catch up all day.  Add in the fatigue and I never get ahead or even break even.  So I am trying to learn to just accept my limitations on these kinds of days.  But acceptance is not easy.

I limited what I did today down to the necessities, no extras.  I postponed a trip to the store for a day with more energy.  I hate the way fibromyalgia robs me of so much energy but I am getting better at recognizing it and adjusting.  At least the pain level was not higher along with the fatigue this flare.

I can be happy in the way I am learning to deal with my illness even if I hate it.  I am grateful that I have medicine that helps and the ability to work things around my flares.  I hope this is a short one and I am back on a more positive day tomorrow.