8 Minutes

The keys jangle against the lock
He is home from work.
Tonight it was only 8 minutes.
8 minutes from door open
To tipping back the bottle,
That is a new record time.
Things are getting worse
And I am afraid –
afraid of the past
afraid it can be worse
afraid he will die too…

8 minutes has to stop
Or I will self-destruct.
I have to stop –
timing
counting
watching
waiting…

Something has to give
And right now I fear
It is going to be me.

 

Happy and Grateful – Day 188

July brings fireworks, picnics, pools and air conditioning. It is a time for those of us in the USA to celebrate our “birthday” and a personal time for me to celebrate life. It is hot and humid days and thunderstorms cooked up at night. I am continuing my challenge to find happiness and gratitude in every day. Join along in the comments or on your own blog. There is always good in every day.

One would think they will have to run out soon.  The sale of fireworks was only through the Fourth of July but they are still lighting them nightly around here.  Not like they did last weekend, but just enough to notice.  I have been on edge enough today without the added anxiety of miniature explosions outside.

It has been a higher anxiety day.  And FULL of fatigue.  I napped twice again and am barely keeping my eyes open now.  Fatigue and anxiety at the same time often result in fitful sleep and a string of “naps” instead of a good nights sleep.  Might take my stronger anxiety meds tonight to sleep.  Would love to close my eyes and sleep for days, but that would come with problems too.

My happiness of the day was a treat of some chocolate.  Not anything fantastic like a Dagoba chocolate bar, but enough to take care of the sweet tooth that was yearning today.  I am a confessed chocoholic!

Gratitude today comes in the form of a text from a friend.  Been feeling kind of low tonight and his reply brought a little joy to me.  He is in a busy life and it always feels good when he takes a little time to talk to me.

Going to go play with some more words.  It always helps to write out a little of the pain and emotions when they bring me down.  If I come up with anything good I will post it.  Remember to find your happiness and gratitude every day.

About Love

If I were to take
Quill in hand and write
It would be a love poem
Only meant for you
One of the depth of your eyes
The gentleness of your touch
The heat of your lingering
And the passion in your kiss
I would write about
The tenderness in your smile
The kindness of your words
The strength of your body
And the desire in your voice
A love poem
From the whole of my heart
About the wonderful man you are
How I appreciate all you do
And how much our bodies
Truly need each other
If I had a quill to write…

Happy and Grateful – Day 187

July brings fireworks, picnics, pools and air conditioning. It is a time for those of us in the USA to celebrate our “birthday” and a personal time for me to celebrate life. It is hot and humid days and thunderstorms cooked up at night. I am continuing my challenge to find happiness and gratitude in every day. Join along in the comments or on your own blog. There is always good in every day.

It was another hot and humid day.  And a day of pain and fatigue.  I took two (almost three) naps, but thankfully woke up in time to both make my doctor’s appointment and pick up my boyfriend from work.  Now I hope I can sleep tonight.

Today was about quiet moments.  I was happy to be able to take a little time to read some this afternoon.  Then after dinner I was able to unwind a little more while watching a movie with my boyfriend.

This afternoon I did get to use a coupon for Great Clips and get my hair cut.  I have had long hair for a while now and with this summer heat it was time to go shorter.  I was grateful to have the extra savings to be able to afford a cut.  Now the tricky part is to try to style it close to the same tomorrow… it never looks like what the stylist did though.  Oh well.

My pillow is calling my name.  Remember to be grateful!  Good night.

Happy and Grateful – Day 186

July brings fireworks, picnics, pools and air conditioning. It is a time for those of us in the USA to celebrate our “birthday” and a personal time for me to celebrate life. It is hot and humid days and thunderstorms cooked up at night. I am continuing my challenge to find happiness and gratitude in every day. Join along in the comments or on your own blog. There is always good in every day.

It was a hot one today… hot and humid with little to no wind blowing.  A good day to be indoors, and I was for the most part.  I felt like a zombie much of the day as I only got about 3 hours of sleep, napped for an hour this morning and was on the go the rest of the day.  But I was grateful for a good working A/C in the car and cool comfort inside.

To pick my happy moment is more of a struggle.  I know a big reason I was not all smiles today was the lack of sleep.  I have not only been tired but hurting a little more today… the pressure was up the last I saw.  My fatigue and fibro may have been in the forefront of the day, but I did still find some moments of peace with a little music playing and just relaxing.  Music can change a mood for a moment or two of happiness if it is the right song.

Now to go finish a letter to a friend and call it a night.  I sure hope tonight I can sleep better.  Keep looking for your happiness!

Happy and Grateful – Day 185

July brings fireworks, picnics, pools and air conditioning. It is a time for those of us in the USA to celebrate our “birthday” and a personal time for me to celebrate life. It is hot and humid days and thunderstorms cooked up at night. I am continuing my challenge to find happiness and gratitude in every day. Join along in the comments or on your own blog. There is always good in every day.

Today was a pretty hot and humid day, but it cooled off a bit at sunset for a nice night to watch some fireworks.  There had been talk this weekend that storms might move in for the holiday but nothing buy a few puffy white clouds most of the day.

It was a perfect day to visit with my daughter… every and any day is perfect for that.  She came over after work this afternoon and we watched some of our taped soap opera and she brought her laundry to do.  We had a nice visit and as always it made me happy.  She joined us for the fireworks in the town just east of us (it is where she grew up) and we had fun.

The part of the day that I am grateful for is easy.  All of the men and women through the years who have given of themselves to first of all gain our freedom and continue to keep it.  I am truly grateful for all who have served this country in battle time and peace time both.  Thank you!

Now I need to sleep … the neighbors have finally stopped with the fireworks for the night I think so I should be able to get to sleep.  Remember to embrace your happiness.  Good night.

Just Five More Minutes Please

I close my eyes
And sail across a dream
On silky smooth seas
Sparkling like diamonds
Only to find
The sea is a mirror
And the land
Is all yellow trees
Under a purple sun
I sail to find you
Floating upside down
Reaching for a cloud
Of marshmallow cream
I know you are lost
In this strange dreamland…
BUZZZZZZZZZZ!

Happy and Grateful – Day 184

July brings fireworks, picnics, pools and air conditioning. It is a time for those of us in the USA to celebrate our “birthday” and a personal time for me to celebrate life. It is hot and humid days and thunderstorms cooked up at night. I am continuing my challenge to find happiness and gratitude in every day. Join along in the comments or on your own blog. There is always good in every day.

This day is easy!  This is what I call MY independence day… I have been saying that for 14 years now.  Back on July 3rd in 2003 I had the surgery that confirmed I had breast cancer.  The surgeon, radiologists and oncologist all worked their magic and I am still here today.  So easily I am grateful for three great doctors that took care of me and made it possible for me to kick cancer’s butt!

Happy… well there is almost always a fireworks display somewhere to celebrate my freedom from cancer (you know they do it on the 3rd just for me LOL).  I am still working on the year when I am happy about the fireworks photos I took.  But until that happens you have to settle for a couple of fair ones from tonight.

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I am trying to decide how I should celebrate next year at the 15 year mark.  At 10 years I got my tattoo… maybe another tattoo? Or maybe just some champagne and a toast with some family around.  I do still have a year to plan.  Do you have any ideas?

In the meantime, it is time to close the day and get some rest.  We do the fireworks tomorrow for the US!  Maybe a better picture will happen?  Good night and keep looking for your happiness each day!