Month: January 2018

‘Tis The Season

Stop
Don’t cough
Stifle that sneeze
The flu is spreading
Germs are crawling nearly everywhere
Wash your hands again and again
Don’t shake that man’s hand when meeting
Unless you have some hand sanitizer that’s near
Beware of the elevator buttons you touch
For God’s sake wash that phone
Look out for door knobs
Colds are in season
Cover your mouth
Breathe easy
Sleep

Another Woman Or Twenty

I had an inkling things were bad
Although it was hard to tell
Because you never really talk to me
The silence has been hell
But others fill your fantasies
Your voyeuristic ways
You sit and watch each night
And sometimes all the days
Just a touch from you would thrill me
Make me feel so alive
But instead you stare at the screen
On the internet you thrive
So I think I’ll pack my things up
I believe it is time to leave
But you’re so busy scrolling
You probably won’t even grieve

Enigmatic

He had a mysterious air to him
He never gave a full story
Always left me guessing when we talked
Looking back now
His inscrutable ways
Should have been a warning
But I wanted to believe in him
In spite of his unreadable looks
His puzzling words
And the walls he built around himself
Although I was hurt
By this unknowable man
And his ever growing silence
I wouldn’t trade that time for anything
He will always have a space in my heart
No matter how perplexing he was

Mumbles… duties

I wanted to take a minute to yell HELP!  Have any of you had experience with writing an obituary?  My grandmother who turned 100 this past September passed away this week.  Her only child (my mom) is gone so that leaves me and my sister as the closest relative.  Grandma’s siblings are all gone.  Her friends are only a few from the nursing home she has been living in.  So my sister and I are helping to coordinate the memorial service.

I spent yesterday going through boxes of old pictures and snapshots trying to find moments captured with Grandma… she was not fond of the camera though.  Today I scanned what I found and then searched a little bit more at my Dad’s house.  I should be able to scan those in tomorrow.  We will display the pictures at the memorial.

Then there is the memories we need to share at the service.  If we are not comfortable with standing up and speaking the minister will read them for us.  Neither my sister or I are comfortable speaking in groups, so we need to write those up for the minister.

The hardest part of all of this is that all those memories of Grandma make me miss her and feel like there should have been more that I could have done while she was here.  Then I think of the others I loved who have left us, my Mom, my other Grandma and Grandpa… all gone.  Even my ex-husband who left us too early.  So before I know it I am all worked up and a mess.

But the worst part… I haven’t really cried yet.  I feel like I am broken somehow.  A few tears here and there but not a real cry.  My doctor tells me the tears will come, probably when I am not ready for them.  I do remember after my Mom passed away it was a lot of little things that turned the tears on for me… seeing that first baby after she died (Mom loved kids), a favorite song of hers on the radio, something on TV she would have loved to have seen, etc.

I will make it through all my duties and get though the service I know, but I am afraid if I slow down too much now I will never get things done.  But seriously… have any of you ever written an obituary? I could use a few pointers.

One Minute

Trying a little something different…. not real confident with my fiction attempt, but I am going to share it anyway.  At least I tried.  Let me know what you think.

I sat in my car with the engine still running. I glanced up to the window again and there were the silhouettes dark against the light of the room. He didn’t know I was coming over tonight. Now as the shapes moved to a silent song I felt I shouldn’t be here. One shape blurring into the other the two outlines became one. I was frozen to the spot. I knew it was her.
She had told me she would win him back some day. It had seemed like a promise and a threat. Now as I sat here watching them I knew it was true. She came back into town last week and I had heard through the grapevine she was looking for him.
When we first started dating Bill was convincing. He repeatedly said it was over with his ex-wife, but I had my doubts. Nothing I could put my finger on but a strong feeling just the same. Then Gloria met me downtown one day and told me he would be hers again. I will never forget her saying, “We have a bound you will never break.” I knew she was right.  The only reason I thought we had a future was because she was moving out of state.
Now as seconds turned into minutes, I struggled with what I should do. A part of me wanted to go in there and scream and shout. While the child in me was hurt and feeling abandoned.
The last thing I wanted was a fight so drawing a heavy breath I put the car into drive and slowly pulled away from the house. At least this way she would not see how hurt I was. I drove towards home and began to process the way I felt. I knew I would become stronger in the end, but tonight I would be gentle with myself. I will get through this one minute at a time.

Nature’s Sanctuary

The trill of the bird
Interrupted my moment of silence
The serenity was lost
When another car pulled in the lot
I just wanted an escape
A brief moment or two of peace
I used to find it at the park
But today was not my day to relax
Too many people
Wanted that same escape today
And I was far from alone
Far from a quiet solitude
The bird song still rang out
Over the noise of the engine
I guess that is as close as I get today
To a little bit of tranquility

Mumbles… my tardy life

I see the word tardy and I instantly think of my days in school, especially in junior high. I am not sure why I struggled so then, but I managed to get a couple of detentions for my tardies. Then I joined the work force after I was done with school and had a job where you were not allowed to clock in even a minute early so I ended up waiting until the last-minute to leave and on more than one occasion I was tardy again. Then as jobs change…

I ended up in a daytime job. By this time I knew I was NOT a morning person at all, but it was a good job and I needed daytime hours to offset my husband’s night hours so we didn’t need a babysitter very often for our daughter.

Life became chaotic with a spouse who was a “functioning alcoholic” and me trying to do everything to keep that fact hidden from our daughter. Sleep suffered greatly and guess who was once again late? We adjusted my schedule a little and it worked for a while. Then I got sick.

I have depression, anxiety and fibromyalgia and all of it affects sleep in some way. The tardies increased, I got warnings at work, I tried a short leave of absence to balance my life out. Then my mother died. and the emotions got worse.

My husband and I separated and I began to have panic attacks on the way to work. Needless to say I could not drive in that condition, so I was again tardy. Working with my doctor we set up an intermittent leave of absence for my panic attacks. That worked until I was tardy so often my maximum leave of absence time was used up. So I left work.

Now I have to work through anxiety before appointments so I am not late, which doesn’t always work. I often push a 15 minute window beyond a set time to arrive to gatherings with family and friends. I have decided it is just in my genes to be tardy. I just try to do the best I can and if I miss something because of it that is something I just have to live with. … heck, I am even tardy posting on here for the daily prompts. Will you forgive the perpetually late person in me? LOL

Confession

“I have to be candid,
I have to speak the truth,
I love you”
She said to him.
He only said “No.”
Her heart stopped
For a second
That seemed like an eternity.
“You haven’t known me
Long enough to love me”
He added.
She swallowed back tears
“I know what is in my heart”
She told him with renewed confidence,
And he breathed
A heavy sigh.
“You don’t have to say anything,
Just know that I love you”
She said in almost a whisper
And kissed him softly.
He reached out to hold her
And they slept in
Each others arms.