Silent Questions

The awkward silence that follows
My sincere I love you…
The awkward silence eats me alive
Did I do something wrong…
The awkward silence slowly chokes me
Should I have never said a word…
The awkward silence fills me with anxiety
It has to be my fault…
The awkward silence forces me to think
You never loved me to begin with….

Reflection Perfection

He was the kind of man
Who could not pass a mirror
Without admiring his view
His hair was always styled perfect
His teeth bleached sparkling white
Not a blemish on his skin
It was the kind of looks
That took money to accomplish
But his nacissism kept him isolated
As he could not share a spotlight
But he was never lonely
He had his favorite company around
Himself.

Not My Knight

I fell in love
I fell hard
It was like a dream almost
And he was there to rescue me
But my love was premature
As his knight’s armor was tarnished
He still loved another
And would never be mine
No matter what he said
It didn’t ease the pain
He will forever be the one
Who made me believe in love at first sight
Too bad it wasn’t the same for him

Infected

I don’t want to find a cure
I want to wallow in this feeling
I want to embrace it like my life depends on it
You slowly infected me
First with the warmth of your touch
Then the softness of your kiss
You held me tight and I felt the love spread through me
Day after day you show me more
And I become more dependent on you and what you give me
No, I don’t want to find a cure
I want to savor all that is you

Changes

I made a wish
To change my life
To take who I am
And make a new me
The list of changes
Was a long one
From being fat
To being thin
From being shy
To being assertive
From being anxious
To being calm
From being depressed
To being happy
And on and on
But I realized too late
With all those changes
I lost my true self
Instead of embracing me
I chose a stranger

Empty

He walks by
And I stop in my tracks,
He has more than
slight resemblance to you.
I know it can’t be you
Since you’re miles away
And I begin to move on.
It is bad enough
That so many things
Remind me of you,
I don’t need people who do too.
I dab the corner of my eyes,
I feel the sting of loss
And know my arms
Will be empty again tonight.

Mumbles … Mother’s Day

My view of Mother’s Day has been slightly skewed. It was always a joyous time to celebrate with my Mom when I was growing up. Then when I became a mother myself it brought on a deeper meaning. For the last eight years though since my Mom passed away it is a difficult balancing game between the joy of being a mom and the despair I feel no longer having my Mom in this world.

My daughter is my life and I really try to focus on that, but I miss the friend I had in my Mom. She went to concerts with me, would play games together and shared our love of good music. She and I would have late night talks into the wee hours of the morning. She was always very open with me and I was with her.

Our relationship was not perfect. I will never forget learning on the eve of my wedding she didn’t want me to get married and she told me he was wrong for me. …twenty years later that came to be true, did she know something in advance? Nah, but I wouldn’t change a thing because I got my daughter down that path.

I hope everyone has had a good day. Those who are mothers, want to be mothers, lost babies that made them alone mothers, dads who have to be mothers too, with mothers living or gone… a Happy Mother’s Day to all. I will now have a silent tribute to my Mom, looking through some old pictures, and trying to remember she will always be here with me in my heart.