Perfect Dream

In pursuit of the perfect dream
I lost a lot along the way…
First to go was my mind
As troubles weighed me down
I felt as if I’d drown
Next was my heart
When I misjudged him then
I lost what could have been
Finally I have a body
That now rejects what I want
Memories of painless days only taunt
In pursuit of the perfect dream
I lost a lot of me…

 

Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – pursuit

Not The Time

his manicured hands
lightly brush against mine
only for a second
but I feel the electricity
he talks and I can’t help
but be drawn to his lips
how soft and warm
they appear to be
his eyes dance
when he starts to laugh
then suddenly turn gentle
with a softened look
I know he would hold me
if only I would ask
the temptation is so strong
for I feel so all alone
but this is not the time for passion
he’s only just a friend
who’s more than I could handle
and all that I’ll ever want

 

Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – temptation

Dawn’s Horizon

She had never been real outgoing. Today was going to test her adventure skills.  “Are you all packed and ready Dawn,” her mother asked?

“Mom are you sure this is a good idea? We wont get lost?”

“Your Dad and I used to hike these mountains all the time. I am sure we will be fine. Relax it will be fun.”

Dawn was going on her first ever camping and hiking trip and she was worried. Worried about snakes and bears and starving. Her parents insisted they could catch fish to eat for the weekend. Dawn was not convinced.

“Maybe we should take a can or two of tuna to be sure we have food Mom.”

“Your Dad and I have always caught fish for us to eat and I am sure we will manage today.”

They packed all their gear into the back of the SUV and set off on their trip. It would take them 45 minutes to arrive at the park and then about an hour hike to get to the camping area they wanted.

Dawn was staring out the window with her headphones on listening to music. Her mom was talking to her dad about something when it happened. A semi driver in the opposite lane suddenly clutched his chest. He slumped over the steering wheel and jumped the median hitting them head-on. They never made it to the park, and they never would again.

 

Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – adventure

Mumbles … Detrimental

I am not sure how much more of this I can handle. So far (I guess) I have been stronger than I thought I could be, but this is really hard. The stress level of caring for a parent can be high just in general, but add dementia to it and it becomes so much harder to handle. Last night was a fair night, but the night before was bad. He thought I was his brother (come on… I know they hacked half of my breast off with the cancer but I am not THAT flat chested and I swear the whiskers are plucked daily!) and he was sure he had to work when he has been retired for 15 years.

I think the hardest part of the dementia is him not seeing me as his daughter. I have been his brother, my sister, my mom (who has been gone 8 1/2 years now) and just another one of the caregivers. He sees things and hears things. At least a dozen times now he has talked about others in the room when it was just the two of us.

What I am beginning to worry about is what this is doing to me. Just how detrimental is all this stress on my fibro, depression and anxiety. I know the fatigue levels have been off the charts (maybe some of that was the holiday stress added in too) but I am more achy and have not been able to shake the sciatica pain. Anxiety meds both day and night, where I used to only take them at night. And an intense feeling of wanting to just sit and cry (doctor says the antidepressants keep me from crying when I need to…it is a really weird feeling).

I just keep putting one foot in front of the other. Rely on my past record of making it through tough days as a sign I will get through the next one. And hope I am doing something good for Dad. I am doing what I can to help him stay in his home. There may come a point in time though when it is too much for me and we will have no choice. In the meantime I rest when I am home and trudge through the mire of dementia to try to find my Dad every night.

 

Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – detrimental

Mumbles … Caricature

If I could draw a caricature of a person, heck if I could just draw… My daughter got the artistic gene. I can kind of create with words what I want to say most of the time. But this prompt of charicature has me stumped. We can make eyes that twinkle, or doe like eyes, eyes as blue as the sea or rich chocolate brown that you melt into. But what do you say about a nose; a cute little button nose, a ski slope launch, or as big as a potato. A mouth you can make kissable, thin lipped or botox swollen. Rosy cheeks or sunken hollows. A square jaw or cleft chin. These things are all descriptive, but do they portray a caraciture?

So just for today I will dream I can draw more than stick figures (although I have recently seen some pretty well defined stick figures – thanks Michael). I will imagine an extra large head on a pretty buff body, bald as can be, green eyes with flecks of BS brown, somewhat pouty lips and the smallest of half a smile. That’s my best friend. Oh and don’t forget to draw a bong with a bowl full – his prefered state of medication. That is my caricature today.

 

Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – caricature

Fanning The Flames

it was a cold night
you and me by the fire
watching the flames dance
innocent at first
then the heat began to rise
your lips on mine
our hands exploring
our hearts beating faster
our eyes devouring every inch
and when at last
the moment of discovery came
we called each others names
and collapsed in passion’s bliss
watching the embers die out

 

Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – discovery

Throwing In The Towel

She was beautiful
She had a great job
Came from a wealthy family
To me she became
The formidable opponent
For your love and attention
I had nothing to offer
Except my time and devotion
And I dreamed that would be
Enough to hold your desires
But everytime we came close
She would be there
Drawing you away again
I learned you just loved the attention
While it was tearing me up inside
No more games for me
She can have the best of
What used to be mine

 

Written For Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – formidable

Walls

He was a man of intrigue,
Mysterious to a fault;
So much so that he never opened up.
Closing off to many of us
Who only tried to care.
I was one of those
Quietly pushed aside.
To this day I still care,
But I wont stand here forever,
On the outside of his walls.
I’ll take my heart and find a way
Or else forget about it all.

 

Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – intrigue