It is that time of the week to reach back into the archives and find an old post and try and give it new life. This one was very early on in my blogging. It was just a stream of consciousness blog and I was having a rough night…
The Search for Help… One Word at a Time
Depression sucks! In the midst of many life stresses, I am feeling the symptoms of all I endure…. depression, anxiety and fibromyalgia. I am aching from head to toe, feel my thoughts swirling like a tornado in my mind, and jumping at every little sound. I sit alone with my laptop and try to chase the feeling of doom with a little music. Try to pass the time with a mindless game. Try to slow the thoughts down with relaxation techniques. None of this is working today. The craving for comfort food (especially some sweets) keeps drawing me to the kitchen, only to find nothing to satisfy and calm me. I hover over my cell phone trying to decide if I should burden anyone with my pain and terror today, only deciding it would change nothing and only make me look even less “normal” than I already do. So I turn to a blank screen and the keyboard. I write a couple of poems to get some of the chaos out. Then talk to you… my invisible audience that I hope exists. I let off some of the pressure I feel pinned down by with each word I type. It is far from a cure. It will not stop the pain. But to write helps distract me in some ways. A deep focus on how the sentence will flow, or to find the right block of words to convey what I am dealing with. The words are not completely right, but they are close enough to slow the flood. I hold onto a dream that maybe these words are what someone else may need to see someday to know they are not alone. Today, at this moment, they are the words that I need to write for my own peace of mind. In short, depression sucks!
Revisited for Fandango’s Friday Flashback September 6