Mumbles … Settle

The holidays are here, and I hurt.  This is the first year without my Dad.  My mom has already been gone for more than 9 years.  I miss the old family Christmas’ so much.  This year it was really hard to put up the tree, it was usually Dad’s job.  It just didn’t seem right.

The depression is heavy, and I have tried to “fake it until you make it” but I feel like I am just settling for a half of a holiday.  Growing up he would always take his vacation around Christmas so he would be home with us while school was out.  He not only would decorate the tree, but he did most all of the Christmas decorations.  Decorating reminds me so much of him.

And he never just wrote our names on cards, he had a stylized printing he did that made the letters of our names appear 3D.  It is such a small thing, but I miss it so much.  I made the usual cookies and candies and know there were some he loved I used to make extra of… this year I didn’t and that hurt.

So, I settle for what I have and try to enjoy the festivities.  We have done two of our three celebrations; we will have our last one in January.  Then comes his birthday a week later, followed by the day he died a year ago.  It is going to be a rough start to the New Year.

 

Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – settle