Whoa, this is a big one. I have a lot of fears but to narrow it down to my “greatest fear” I would have to say being alone. Maybe left alone too early when I was younger, with a mile-long list of things not to do, I began to fear it then. Now It has become a fear of not having anyone to care for me, who will mourn me, or miss me in the slightest. Since my diagnosis of fibromyalgia, depression and anxiety I have lost 3 people who I thought were good friends of mine. A fourth has had very little time for me. And a fifth just communicates when they need something.
Not all of them could be bad people, so it has to be me, right? I have one beautiful daughter and a VERY BIG case of empty nest syndrome, so she is about all the family I have, and I wonder of my value in her life anymore.
A funeral no one would come to except maybe to laugh at my urn. Might as well sweep me up with the kitty litter… see what being alone does to me. Honestly, I know it is none of my business why people do or do not like me, it is not my business what is in their heads. I do still have four friends I can count on so I am not alone. It is just hard to not feel that way when I sit alone in a room with only my laptop writing when I can’t sleep. Some nights the shadows speak louder than I do.
Written for Fandango’s Dog Days Of August (FDDA) #11 – your greatest fear