“Oh, I give up! I will never find a nice dress that will fit this oversized body of mine.”
“Relax mom. So, you haven’t found it yet. There is still time to look. But you have to look and not waste any more time, because you won’t have time to send it back again and get another if it doesn’t fit.”
“You don’t understand Paula, I am not the size I should be, and society looks past those of us larger women and rarely design anything worthwhile for us to wear. It is infuriating trying to buy clothes. But I will find something for your wedding.”
“Maybe you can order two sizes and keep the one that fits next time.”
“That might work. I have one more site I can log onto and check otherwise it is down to the wedding shop and a price three times higher. But I promise not to embarrass you showing up in jeans.”
“Oh Mom, you are being dramatic.”
“Just keep your fingers crossed for me.”
Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – fit
I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream! Ok, so maybe there was no ice cream but there was cake! I missed posting last night as it was my birthday, and I was fortunate enough to spend it with those I care about. It started with a few posts on Facebook, I got serenaded on the phone by a dear friend, got special gifts in my Animal Crossing game, had dinner and played cards with my daughter and her fiancé, and then went back to spend the late evening with another friend in Animal Crossing. It was a wonderful day. One of the best ones I have had in a while… but I think it was because I only took half of the new med I have been struggling with.
Today it was back to the regular dose and I slept off and on through much of the afternoon. And I know sleep is not far away tonight as I took my meds earlier for a morning scheduled doctor’s appointment. I just really hate the way this med makes me feel and it has really done nothing for my anxiety. Today my boyfriend came to give me some cabbage to chew on while he was putting together a large salad for dinner… I saw his hand and was terrified I was looking at spider legs and freaked out. Yeah, my anxiety is still alive and well.
So, I have one more week of this shit. Then I will see my doctor again to discuss my lack of progress, actually I think things have gotten worse. If there is not a change of some kind I really will scream. BUT in the meantime, I will remember having a good day on Saturday. After all I finally got the elusive blue rose in my Animal Crossing game!
Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – scream
The word I am writing for tonight (yes I am still sadly behind) is dignity. After the text my boyfriend got all I can think of is death with dignity. His mom sent him a message that his brother-in-law has stage 4 stomach cancer. This news does two things.
I want to do what I can to let him know we are thinking of him but obviously at stage 4 a get well soon card is out of the picture. He has always been a rather withdrawn man. At family gatherings he tends to be pretty quiet and often will pick up his guitar and just play softly whatever comes to mind. A friend suggested some kind of music for him to listen to. I guess he is pretty weak but is now on a feeding tube and hopefully can regain some strength. Maybe listening to some music would be good for him.
And then the ball is back in my court with another why. Why does this man who dotes on his grandkids have to face his mortality so suddenly, but I had cancer, beat it and am still alive? I guess the answer is that cancer is not fair. Not fair at all.
So, back to death with dignity. There are so many questions now. Does he endure chemo to the bitter end or is that a different risk in itself that is feared. Is he going to be one who just wants to go home and be with family for the time he has left. But then again there is Covid 19 in the picture and in his weakened state he would be very susceptible to any kind of virus.
The next few days, weeks or maybe months will play out the way they will, there is really no stopping them. I wish him the best and hope if there is a greater power now is the time to show some mercy please.
Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – dignity