I Am Strong – FFF #185

Why do you do this

Why do you tell me

Things that aren’t true

(You’re fat)

(You’re ugly)

(You’re weak)

(You’ll never be happy)

(You’ll never succeed)

(You’re a broken failure)

Why do you echo in my head

Nonstop every day

Spewing lies to bring me down

(You’ll never stop me)

(I am in control not you)

(You’re life is rubbish)

I will make you stop

I have power you see

I AM taking control

You will no longer bring me down

I am no longer alone

I have a team to help me

(But you trust no one)

STOP!

I trust me to know the truth

That feelings are not facts

And I have strength and hope

To live my life as I see fit

Without listening to your lies anymore

*****

Written for Fandango’s Flash Fiction Challenge (FFFC) – #185

Sharpen Your Ax

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Like a lumberjack chops at a tree

You sever little pieces of my love for you

Taking me for granted and ignoring me

Why can it hurt so much when you are forgotten

And I am not as young as I once was

And I will not forever be here for you

I love you with all of my being

But I can only tolerate so many chops

***

Written for Fandango’s One Word Challenge (FOWC) – chop

You Saved The Day

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Today again I needed help

But was afraid to turn to you

Same old story of pain and sadness

Chilled me to the bone

Why should I burden you

With what I can’t control

I fought the day all by myself

As I so often do

Closing off all contact

And let my problems stew

Then when I felt I wasn’t a threat

I finally reached out to you

Your words fit like a warm embrace

They left me with new hope

I never should have doubted you

You really lift me up

Now once again I feel my dreams

Might one day have a chance

*****

Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – embrace

Ghosted

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The waters are rough

Tide is coming in

Stranded on the rocks

I call out your name

I feel the waves

Lash out at my feet

Trying to knock me over

To catch me off guard

The mist stings my face

As the waters wage a war

Drowning out my voice

No one can hear me

Still calling out your name

No one can see me

Now shrouded in the fog

But you won’t come

You’re nothing but a ghost

A mirage to play tricks on me

I am trapped in the echoes

Of a voice that doesn’t exist

Doomed to seal my fate

As you move on to the next victim

I struggle just to survive

The seas of deception

Alone, lost and frightened

You were never a friend

*****

Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – sea

Not the Day Before Please

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It happened again today

The pain

The fatigue

The guilt

It is hard to make peace with myself

When I seem to always fail

Falling victim to this evil inside me

It eats away at

My energy

My strength

My happiness

Tomorrow I must be “normal”

And the way I feel now

That seems impossible

I fear I

Will frustrate

Will disappoint

Will lose

And those I care about

Will again think less of me

All because I am too tired to do anything today

*****

Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – fail

Your Distorted Reflection

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Look

We have been through this before

Go ahead

Just slam the door

Walk away

You always do

Leaving me alone

Not knowing what to do

**

Look

I have had it

I am tired of this game

Always the one you blame

Take a look in the mirror

See the truth glaring back

I am trying my best

Get off my back

**

Look

Watch me pack my bags

I am no longer your toy

I deserve to be loved

Not by someone like you

By someone who can truly see

Not a shattered image of reality

But an honest love that all can see

*****

Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – look

WDYS – Sea of Darkness

It is happening again

I feel the darkness sink in

Everything is murky

Out of focus

And so far out of reach

Then the air starts to leave me

I can’t take a breath

The water will drown me

It feels like impending death

One last time I burst upwards

Towards the light of hope

Reaching for your hand

Hoping you can find me

In this sea of fears

Where I feel myself

Drowning too often

Hoping your hand will guide me

Towards the comfort of shore

And your waiting friendship

Where I don’t feel so alone anymore

****

Written for Sadje’s prompt What Do You See (WDYS) #147

Torch Song

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Let the music draw us in

As we begin to sway as one

Pressed against each other

Feeling the heat rise

Wanting so much more

Than a simple dance can give

There is passion in the air tonight

And we know just how to capture it

The song’s end is only the beginning

As we succumb to the fire within

***

Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – passion

FPQ #176 – Damn, Dirty Clothes

This week Fandango has asked an interesting and potentially fun question, it is all in how you take the question – “What will your last day on Earth be like?”  Obviously, no one knows when will be there last day, well, most people don’t know.

There was a dark time when I would have said my time was soon, but that has thankfully passed me.  So, no last day wrapped around a big tree for me.  But do I revert back to that essay I wrote in high school about my death in my 30th year just having had a song I co-wrote hit the top ten?  Nah, that is well past me in years and ambitions now.

I have seen one person die in front of me and although Dad was having a bit of difficulty breathing, I don’t think he suffered.  I don’t want to suffer.  And my Mom passed in her sleep so I imagine just like how life can enter a dream, she just dreamed to peace and quiet.

Now for a little honesty.  Not that my Mom and Dad’s deaths were not like that, but how do I think my last day will be?  I do not live a glamourous life.  I currently live alone (but hope that may change someday) with my three cats.  I only drive minimally, so I think the car crash option is off the table.  Will I eat meat that is expired and suffer terrible stomach pains?  Will I see my cats turn on me and slowly bleed to death with scratches head to toe?  No, I think it honestly will be a heart attack doing something that is a minor thing but can get my heart pumping.  I think maybe running up and down the stairs with laundry … someone will find me half on a step with laundered clothes everywhere.

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How would I like to spend that last day?  In love’s bliss with someone I care very deeply for.  In and out of bed acting like a teenager and loving every minute of it.  Ah, what a way to go!

I do want to mention one other possibility.  My last day “on earth” could be headed to a remote colony on the moon or Mars, but I honestly think that is another generation or two down the line, if we don’t kill the planet first.  I need to go get the clothes out of the dryer now… wish me luck.

***

Written for Fandango’s Provocative Question #176

Watch It – FPQ #175

I think this is a first for me.  I have answered Fandango’s Provocative Question in the comments before, but this week there was just too much to the question(s) to put in the comments so lets just into it.

This week Fandango asks:

For this week’s provocative question, I’m going to ask you about your TV viewing habits. My questions are below if you care to answer, either in the comments or on your own post. Ready?

  • What country do you live in?
  • How many televisions do you have in your home?
  • On average, how many hours a day do you watch TV?
  • What kinds of programs do you typically watch (e.g., news, sports, movies, dramas, sitcoms, reality shows)?
  • Do you watch programs as they are aired or do you record them and watch them at other times?
  • Do you mostly watch “network” TV? Premium cable channels (e.g., HBO, Showtime)? Streaming channels (e.g., Netflix, Hulu, Prime Video, Disney+, Apple+)?
  • How often, if at all, do you use other devices than television (e.g., computers, smartphones) to watch programs?
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First of all I am in the middle of the United States with only one TV in my house.  From here the questions get a little grey.  Used to be I would have the TV on 24/7, but barely watched it.  It was “company” in an empty house.

I am in the process of changing things a little.  I am slowly getting into streaming what I want to watch as opposed to what is on cable.  I have been listening to Amazon Music during the days at my computer and doing things around the house as pain allows me to.  But usually I watch the local ten o’clock news and then it is more like background noise again until morning as I find it hard to sleep in a quiet house… although through the years I have learned no home is ever truly quiet, especially with three cats.  So, as the set may be on about 10 to 12 hours depending on how late I am up (I am a night owl) I maybe only watch 2 to 4 hours.

I watch the local news and a mix of old shows I loved (Quantum Leap and The Carol Duvall show this week) and new discoveries (Squid Game and Downton Abbey) and the occasional movie I have on my to watch list (the original War of the Worlds and Forbidden Planet).  So, I watch a mix of “live” and on demand shows.  I rarely record anything.

As for the last two questions… all of the above. Local news (TV), movies (Starz, HBO, Disney) and streaming channels I am starting to discover more and more.  However almost all of these are watched on the TV, with an occasional viewing on my computer.  The phone screen is just too small.  But music still reigns number one in my house – computer, tv music channels or the good old fashioned radio.  How do you view?

***

Written for Fandango’s Provocative Question (FPQ) #175