Mumbles … Mother’s Day

My view of Mother’s Day has been slightly skewed. It was always a joyous time to celebrate with my Mom when I was growing up. Then when I became a mother myself it brought on a deeper meaning. For the last eight years though since my Mom passed away it is a difficult balancing game between the joy of being a mom and the despair I feel no longer having my Mom in this world.

My daughter is my life and I really try to focus on that, but I miss the friend I had in my Mom. She went to concerts with me, would play games together and shared our love of good music. She and I would have late night talks into the wee hours of the morning. She was always very open with me and I was with her.

Our relationship was not perfect. I will never forget learning on the eve of my wedding she didn’t want me to get married and she told me he was wrong for me. …twenty years later that came to be true, did she know something in advance? Nah, but I wouldn’t change a thing because I got my daughter down that path.

I hope everyone has had a good day. Those who are mothers, want to be mothers, lost babies that made them alone mothers, dads who have to be mothers too, with mothers living or gone… a Happy Mother’s Day to all. I will now have a silent tribute to my Mom, looking through some old pictures, and trying to remember she will always be here with me in my heart.

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Mumbles… Tantrum

Working 20 years as a cashier I saw my share of tantrums at the checkout. Often the parents worn down and tired would give in to the child and buy them candy or the toy they carried through the store. The customers I had to cringe about were the ones who would let their kids play, chew on and drool all over a toy then ask ME to take it from the child who would no doubt start to have at least a good loud scream. If you don’t have the courage to disappoint your own kids once in a while the future for them is doomed to be a major disappointment.

There is also the disgusting fact that the child had placed their germs all over the toy ready to spread them to whoever next needs a shopping pacifier. It made me wipe down a toy or two for my daughter before I would ever let her touch it.

I know when I was growing up I can’t ever recall being allowed to play with something we were not going to buy. When did the stores become playgrounds? I better stop typing now or I might just get mad enough to throw a tantrum about half-hearted parenting.

Mumbles… Bestow

I tried to write a poem, I tried to write a story… trouble is bestow is not a common word for me and the attempts just seemed forced this time. So I am stuck, my muses are taking a lunch break and I am left with a blog to write about something.

Bestow is to give. I can think of a million things to give but bestow should be more of a grand gesture. I don’t have much to give that seems worthy of something grand. I sit here and think if I have been given anything grand in the recent past. And my mind is blank.

The one thing that I can think of that is a grand gift would be love. And that takes me back to the thing I love the most – my daughter. So I guess my ex-husband bestowed upon me the greatest gift of all about 24 years ago when I became pregnant. I wish I could say I remember the night and it was magical and I just knew… it didn’t work that way for me.

None the less, she is the greatest gift I have ever received. She even beats that first bike I finally got in grade school (if I remember right it was a pink Schwinn bike with streamers off the handles). It was a real beauty. But my daughter is more beautiful – inside and out.

What is the greatest gift you have ever been given?

The Get To Know Me Tag

get to know me tag

Good morning everyone… well at least morning.  With the snow and repairs being done on my apartment today I am not sure about the good part LOL.

Anita over at Discovering Your Happiness tagged me today for The Get To Know Me Tag.  So pull up a chair and join me for a coffee or tea, I’ve got my mocha already, and I will share a little about me.

• What are my strengths?
 Caring
 Creative
 Loyal
• What are my short-term goals?
 Get through today (no water in my apartment since yesterday afternoon – yikes!)
 Write more
 Read more
• What are my long-term goals?
 Accepting where my life with chronic illness has taken me
 Lose weight
• Who matters the most to me?
 My family
• What am I ashamed of?
 The way I rely too much on others for my happiness
• What do I like to do for fun?
 Play Shanghai Rummy with friends and family
• What new activities am I willing to try?
 I would love to learn some new crafting techniques (crochet, knitting, jewelry making)
• What am I worried about?
 Far too much!!!
• What are my values?
 Honesty
 Loyalty
 Kindness
 Compassion
• If I had one wish, it would be…?
 To be healthy again
• Where do I feel the safest?
 At home with my daughter and boyfriend
• What or who gives me comfort?
 My cat is good about knowing when I have a bad day and sitting on my lap.
• If I was afraid, I would…?
 Pace and try to focus on my breathing
• What is my proudest accomplishment?
 I raised a kind and beautiful daughter
• Am I a night owl or early bird?
 Night owl definitely
• What does my inner critic tell me?
 My inner critic doesn’t like much of anything
• What do I do to show myself, self-care?
 I am trying to learn to be more gentle with myself
 Get a good night’s sleep
• Am I an introvert or extrovert?
 Introvert
• What am I passionate about?
 Protecting my family
• What do my dreams tell me?
 Sadly I often don’t sleep long enough or deep enough to have dreams that I can remember
• What is my favorite non-fiction book?
 I have read several biographies but the one non-fiction book that stuck with me the most was one I read in school years ago called No Language But A Cry by Richard Anthony D’Ambrosio
• What is my favorite fiction book?
 It is hard to name just one… probably the one I read most recently was Heart Shaped Box by Joe Hill
• What is my favorite movie?
 Once again just ONE… I would have to say The Color Purple
• What is my favorite band?
 Tasty Nickel… but they broke up years ago.
• What is my favorite food?
 Pasta – probably spaghetti with homemade meat sauce
• What is my favorite color?
 Red
• What am I grateful for?
 I spent a whole year answering this question (Happy and Grateful – Day 1) but by far the thing I was most often grateful for was and is my daughter
• When I am feeling down, I like to?
 Write
• I know I am stressed when?
 My anxiety spikes… I feel overwhelmed… I get headaches

 

Now Anita did not have any rules posted about tagging others, but I would invite any of my readers to join in and share a little about yourself.  Let’s get to know each other!  But be sure to link back to this page so I can read it.  THANKS!  Have a wonderful day/night!

The Sunshine Blogger Award

I would like to thank Anita from Discovering Your Happiness for nominating me for this award… I am sorry it took me so long to get around to responding.  Anita has some very helpful posts to help you get through some rough times.  Please check out her blog!

Now for this award the rules are

  • Thank the blogger that nominated you.  Thanks again Anita! 🙂
  • Answer the eleven questions asked.
  • Nominate eleven other bloggers.
  • Write a new set of questions for them to answer.
  • List the rules and put the Sunshine Blogger Award logo on your post.

The Sunshine Blogger Award logo

Now for my answers.

  1. Do you have any holidays plans for 2018?  There is nothing planned so far for any travel of any kind.  But we will have a few family holiday gatherings.  I would like to maybe make it to the state park that is fairly close by this spring IF it ever stops snowing.
  2. Where is one place in the world you would love to visit?  Just ONE place?  Wow, I think I would have to say Montana, to see a friend I miss and for my first view of mountains.
  3. Tropical getaway OR Village getaway?  Never been anywhere near an ocean so I would pick tropical at least once.
  4. Do you celebrate Easter? If so, how do you celebrate?  We usually gather with my boyfriends family and watch the kids do an egg hunt and share a nice meal.  And even though my daughter is 23 I still get her a chocolate bunny every year.
  5. What is your favorite color?  Red, but purple and a day-glow green are both a close second.
  6. What is a long-term goal you are heading towards?  This is a tough one… probably the most important one I am working on is accepting my limitations with fibromyalgia, depression and anxiety and finding a place of happiness.
  7. Have you ever conquered any fears?  One I am getting better at… I have a fear of going under a train bridge with a train on it.  I used to RACE underneath it and physically shake when I did.  Now I can drive mostly normal under one and I don’t hardly shudder.
  8. What is your all time favorite hobby?  Hands down rubber stamping and paper crafts to make my own greeting cards.
  9. Are you a writer or a drawer?  I am a writer… and a doodler (is that a word?).  I only wish I could draw.  My daughter is the artist of the family.
  10. Do you keep a journal? If so, does this help you?  There was a time before my diagnosis when I did to try to stay afloat.  Now I write “letters” to my therapist weekly to help pull the bad thoughts out of my mind and it does help.
  11. Sunny days OR rainy cold days?  I do like the rain from time to time, but overall sun wins.  My fibro and depression tends to flare with the rain and that is no fun.

 

Now this is when I nominate eleven other bloggers.  Nah, how about I nominate a bunch more!  I nominate all my followers who are interested in this award to jump right in and answer my questions (this way I leave no one out).  I am such a rule breaker!  LOL  Seriously you all bring a bit of sunshine to my day so please join in on the fun and don’t forget to link back to me so I can see your answers.

My questions for you.

  1. If you could safely keep any wild animal as a pet what would it be?
  2. Who is one musician (living or dead) that you would love to talk to for an hour?
  3. Who would you pick to play you in a movie?
  4. What is your favorite season of the year?
  5. Spicy or Sweet?
  6. Ever had your writing published?
  7. Write by hand or type?
  8. How long have you been blogging?
  9. Star Trek, Star Wars or neither?
  10. What is your favorite book?
  11. What do you miss most from your childhood?

 

I hope you have a wonderful day/night!

Mumbles… #SemicolonDay2018

Today is an important day to me. It is a day where I celebrate my future. It is World Semicolon Day.

For those of you who do not know, this day is a day for suicide and mental health awareness. The semicolon represents a pause, and like in writing it is not the end of the story. I have struggled with anxiety and depression for more than 10 years now. While I never made an active attempt, I have had suicidal thoughts. I spent a night in the hospital because I was scared of the pills I had on the table beside me. I recognized I was in trouble and got help.

I wear a semicolon on my wrist today in support of others who have struggled. I wear it in honor of two friends who have both been to that point of desperation. For now it is just a temporary mark, but one day I hope to sit at the tattoo parlor and hear them crank up a needle machine for me again.

Do what you can to help someone continue their story. If you know someone who struggles with depression sometimes just being there can make the difference on a bad day. Recognize the symptoms of mental illness and suicide. To learn more go to Project Semicolon  or Lifeline  .

Your story is important and it is NOT over yet!

Always remember 911 for an emergency situations and (in the US) the suicide prevention lifeline is 1-800-273-8255.

Mumbles… Inchoate

I really enjoy writing and have used the daily writing prompts as a good place to start most days. But this particular prompt (yes, I am a day behind as this was yesterday’s prompt) has me stumped. I must admit I had to look up the definition of the word inchoate and my Encarta Dictionary says it is “1.Just beginning…2. Imperfectly formed…3. Chaotic.” That sound like the way to describe a rough draft of writing. It is only the first draft or the beginning. There (at least for my first drafts) are probably typos or imperfect text. And the shift in direction can be rather disjointed or chaotic in a first draft.

Feeling like I could not come up with a poem about inchoate was my first thought. And I am still trying to feel confident in writing fiction. So I guess the only way I was able to write about inchoate was just some more of my rambling mumbles.

Now off to try to catch up on more post reading and writing for today’s word prompt.