Happy and Grateful – Day 145

May has arrived and I hope it brings lots of Spring cheer with it.  I am in my fifth month now of taking time to acknowledge the things that make me happy and grateful every day… almost half way to my goal of a full year.  If you want to join in on this challenge please add your thoughts in the comments or start your own blog.  There is a lot to be happy and grateful for!

It was a beautiful day weather wise today.  Sunshine and about 70°F with the birds singing through the open windows.  I however have had better days.  Some insecurities and flashbacks to past disappointments… let’s just say my depression was in overdrive most of the afternoon and night.

But this is a positive post and there is ALWAYS something positive to find.  I can think of a few today.  I started the day with good news from a friend.  She will be here to visit in August and was wanting to go to the state fair with me if I was interested.  You must remember as a kid we would go as a family and hit the fairgrounds at 8am… be on our feet almost all day and still not see all of the fair when we would head to our cars at about 10 or 11 that night watching the closing fireworks of the night from the grandstand.  I LOVE the fair.

I have to think logically about this though.  I cannot do an all day at the fair anymore with my fatigue and fibro.  But there are grandstand concerts and free stage entertainment… so we could go in the afternoon and see a little bit and still have a good time.  So I am kind of happy and excited about that.  And it is the BEST place to go to people watch.  There are about a million stories in the people you just pass during a day there.

I am grateful for some wonderful memories.  I am feeling a friend slowly slip away further all the time, but I am trying to focus on the good memories rather than what it seems I am losing.  … on a side note I could say I am grateful for the years of depression teaching me how to cry quietly so I don’t wake up anyone else.  Still can’t hide the red eyes in the morning though – know any good hints for that?

Sorry I am not very positive tonight… ex-wives and alcohol and lost friends and too much isolation all make for a rough day.  I promise I will try to bounce back tomorrow.  In the mean time… I’m going to grab another tissue and hope you all have a good night or day depending on where you are!

Happy and Grateful – Day 144

May has arrived and I hope it brings lots of Spring cheer with it.  I am in my fifth month now of taking time to acknowledge the things that make me happy and grateful every day… almost half way to my goal of a full year.  If you want to join in on this challenge please add your thoughts in the comments or start your own blog.  There is a lot to be happy and grateful for!

Good morning… not what I normally say in my posts, but the fatigue hit me hard last night and here we are at the start of another day.  Will you forgive me for being late again?

The day was a good one.  My Dad, daughter and I all met a dear friend from out-of-town for lunch.  She was back in town for some graduations and Memorial Day with family and we were lucky enough to have a time we could all get together to see her for a while.  It made me very happy to hear her laugh again… she has an infectious laugh I just love.

We had a couple of errands to run after that and one was to the clinic that has the best grounds keeping staff and always keeps the entryway blooming this time of year.  And I just happened to snap a photo on the way out.  I am grateful that such an often depressing place has such beauty outside.

Now I am off to try to catch up on the day… remember to be grateful!

Happy and Grateful – Day 143

May has arrived and I hope it brings lots of Spring cheer with it.  I am in my fifth month now of taking time to acknowledge the things that make me happy and grateful every day… almost half way to my goal of a full year.  If you want to join in on this challenge please add your thoughts in the comments or start your own blog.  There is a lot to be happy and grateful for!

Another day of off and on rain showers.  More forecasted for tomorrow.  If I can just make it until Thursday we are supposed to see the sun most of the day they say.  I guess even though it is rough on my fibro, it is good for my allergies as the rain keeps the pollen down a little.

Had to take Dad to another doctor appointment today.  This was just a routine follow-up with his regular doctor.  He ordered more blood work and convinced Dad to go back on his medication.  Dad is frustrated with all the pills he has to take and just quit them all… this is the second time he has done it.  And I understand the frustration – he is on over 20 different pills.  But with diabetes and heart disease you can’t just stop those meds.  I am grateful the doctor convinced him to take them again.

Had a busy evening, ran to the store and did some laundry… now I am tired and hurting.  So I take my nightly dose of meds and hope to sleep away some of the fatigue and pain.  I know I have a lot going on tomorrow too so I hope my fibro medicine does what it is supposed to.  I am happy I have some medication that does help me a little, not everyone is so lucky.

Ok it is off to dream land.  How about a nice dream about Sam Elliot just showing up to talk to me for hours and hours and hours… man I love his voice!  LOL

Happy and Grateful – Day 142

May has arrived and I hope it brings lots of Spring cheer with it.  I am in my fifth month now of taking time to acknowledge the things that make me happy and grateful every day… almost half way to my goal of a full year.  If you want to join in on this challenge please add your thoughts in the comments or start your own blog.  There is a lot to be happy and grateful for!

Today was an up and down day.  It started with a missed phone call this morning that I dreaded to call back.  It was from the doctor who did my colonoscopy.  I had every thought of it being a bad final test result.  I went through that nearly 14 years ago with my breast cancer… everyone kept telling me it should be fine and it wasn’t.  So with some hesitation I called the nurse back.  It was NOT cancerous, but it was what they call precancerous… where it has all the possibility of becoming cancer, but it is not.  Basically what it means is I have to recheck sooner than every 10 years and go in every 5.  I still haven’t told anyone… except all of you now.  I think I am still adjusting.  I am just grateful it is not cancer.

My daughter stopped by for a short visit this afternoon after she got off of work.  She is having to cover some extra hours as they had a couple of people quit this month and she has worked 6 days a week for 3 weeks now and it is starting to wear on her.  So I listened to her and tried to remind her of the overtime pay and how it looks good for her work ethic… she was tired so I am not sure she is buying it.  But it did make me happy to see her for a while today.

This week is going to be a busy one with doctor visits for both my Dad and me and a friend visiting from out-of-state… so I better try to get some rest.  I hope everyone has a good week!

** One side note.  I don’t try to do much around the current news in my posts but I am definitely a music lover and get a high of sorts at a live show.  My heart weeps tonight for those at the Manchester, England concert hall that was attacked tonight.  Music is life and love and universal and it destroys me to see such things happen.  Prayers and good wishes to any and all affected. ❤

Happy and Grateful – Day 141

May has arrived and I hope it brings lots of Spring cheer with it.  I am in my fifth month now of taking time to acknowledge the things that make me happy and grateful every day… almost half way to my goal of a full year.  If you want to join in on this challenge please add your thoughts in the comments or start your own blog.  There is a lot to be happy and grateful for!

Today started out cool and cloudy, but no rain and we actually saw the sun by the afternoon.  It was a pretty nice day.  We were celebrating my boyfriend’s mom’s birthday and a late Mother’s Day with her.  We visited and had some cake.  Got to see her new rescue puppy.  It was a nice time and my daughter was even able to come along before she had to work.

I also felt a little better depression wise… but then nights are always worse for me in general and it is just starting to get late.  I am happy we were all able to celebrate my boyfriend’s mom’s birthday and I am grateful I felt better today.  Now to do some more word therapy and try to sleep earlier tonight… the fatigue is always there.

Happy and Grateful – Day 140

May has arrived and I hope it brings lots of Spring cheer with it.  I am in my fifth month now of taking time to acknowledge the things that make me happy and grateful every day… almost half way to my goal of a full year.  If you want to join in on this challenge please add your thoughts in the comments or start your own blog.  There is a lot to be happy and grateful for!

More cool mist and rain today.  It is not only getting to me fibro wise, but the grey and the pain are starting to send me into that dark place I don’t like to be.  So I have done writing today.  A couple of poems, some words for my therapist, and here I am in front of the keyboard again.  Only this time instead of getting out the ugliness inside I am going to weave my way past it to try to find the good of the day.

And there was good.  I woke up in a little less pain, and with a little less fatigue than yesterday.  But as the day went on my energy levels crashed.  Before I was too far gone to do much my daughter and her friend took me out for a late Mother’s Day dinner.  It was a nice dinner and conversation.

I was happy to have made a connection to my daughter’s friend (I am “Mama Bear”) and glad my daughter is not embarrassed by me like kids often are.  I am grateful that they both thought of me this way today.  There had been plans for a little time at the arcade, but we talked longer at the restaurant than originally planned.  So we got some ice cream to go and headed home.  It made for a nice afternoon!

Now I think I will do a little more word therapy and try to sleep.  If I can clear my head a little more before I sleep I should be able to rest peacefully without too many nightmares.  Here’s to sweet dreams for us all!

Happy and Grateful – Days 138 and 139

May has arrived and I hope it brings lots of Spring cheer with it.  I am in my fifth month now of taking time to acknowledge the things that make me happy and grateful every day… almost half way to my goal of a full year.  If you want to join in on this challenge please add your thoughts in the comments or start your own blog.  There is a lot to be happy and grateful for!

Have I mentioned before how I hate fatigue and fibro?  It hit me last night and has stuck with me all day.  I ache and an exhausted even though I have napped multiple times today.  We had a cold front move in and with it a bone chilling mist and wind… feels more like fall than spring.  So once again I find myself posting two days together and asking for forgiveness.  If I could have it any other way I would!

Yesterday I had to take my Dad into the doctor.  One of his x-rays came back with indications of maybe an enlarged heart.  So back to the cardiologist.  He was not convinced of the fact, but gave Dad a prescription to try to ease his shortness of breath.  It is very frustrating for him having had this problem for quite a while now and getting shuffled from one doctor to the next never getting anywhere with a reason.

But we got the appointment done and I ran a quick errand and then came home to nap a bit.  I took an anxiety pill and made it to the nights Al-anon meeting to try to grab a little peace of mind.  So I was happy to work the meeting into my night and grateful there were no major problems according to the doctor.

Today has been such a tired day.  The only thing I accomplished was loading the dishwasher and taking a check in for the electric bill.  I then went to the garage to see if they could fix my car, since the check engine light was on.  They hooked it up and reset things for me saying it may only be a little dust around the air filter.  Surprisingly enough there was no charge for that and I went on my way.  Time will tell now if it worked or not.

In spite of the fibro I still found some joy.  I was happy not to have to have any repairs done today.  And grateful I had the time to rest through my flair.  I hope tomorrow finds a little less pain and fatigue as my daughter has plans to take me somewhere for the afternoon, but it is a surprise where.  …now it is time to sleep again!  Yawn!