I have a love hate relationship with alcohol. That comes after being married to an alcoholic for twenty years, about 13 to 14 years of that I knew he had a problem. The thing is, if he doesn’t admit to a problem, it will never change and believe me, I tried to change it. Even once I got him to admit he did have a problem, he still didn’t want to change. By the time he realized he would lose his family, it was too late, he couldn’t change. It still makes me so sad and angry (at the disease not him) all at the same time.
When we first were together, we were young and doing what young people do – going out to hear bands play and drinking some. There were even nights he wouldn’t drink as we had gone out of town to see someone play. So, no problem, right?
Then there were shake ups at work and he had more to calm his nerves when he got home. This was when the conditions started. “Once this happens, I will quit.” This was everything from work to a new home, a child, etc. There was always a this that was not enough. Then what I think sealed his fate… his mom died.
His depression was bad, but he wouldn’t get help; he self-medicated and with alcohol being a depressant it was just getting a lot worse. He did try treatment, it only lasted a short time, he left before he was through the process. He and I divorced… he said he quit drinking, but the proof was still all around. Until one day, he died at home alone.
Alcoholism effects the whole family. It made me crazy trying to find ways to stop him – hiding his bottles, pouring them out, begging, crying, yelling – but it was not my problem to fix. It has been such a huge impact on my life. To this day I still debate having even one drink. I have somewhat come to terms with what happened. I still feel guilty from time to time – if I had only done something sooner or demanded he get help or talked to other family about it. But I had been too ashamed to admit that we were not a perfect little family. And in the end, alcoholism took away my absolute best friend and love of my life.
Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – alcohol
I am going to stretch this word of the day a little bit… just enough to make room for another F. The band Mason Proffit was a group I grew up listening to their music. I was too young when they were at their height in the 60s and 70s but we had albums my parents and sister played all the time. I still to this day know most of the words to the songs off the albums Moving Toward Happiness and Two Hangman.
I grew up mostly after the group had disbanded. I even heard through a friend that one of the Talbot brothers became a monk. All I know is in the 2000s I got a shock. Mason Proffit had reformed with a new group of musicians and was playing a concert in my state! I was over the moon and HAD TO go. I did. My sister, daughter and I all went to the show and the music sounded as good as ever. They even played a few new songs… but I was there for the ones I knew by heart. And they did not disappoint.
I will share the one song of theirs I used to occasionally hear on a local radio station back in the 80s. I will refrain from sharing every song I like (there are a LOT). So listen to the lyrics of this one and enjoy the many layers of vocals at the end.
Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – profit
If schism was just strictly about division or separation, I have had my share of that in my life. But according to all I saw, it dealt with groups or religions that were split because of differing views and I don’t want to get into politics. I would really like to end the year with some more positive posts if possible. At the very least none forced or uncomfortable. So here is the thing, I did a search of schism and one of the first things that came up was a song by Tool. You know I love music! So, an idea was born to mumble a little and share the video. And that is how this post was born.
I figure other people may have shared this too since I am so late to the party. BUT, since I am so late maybe you have forgotten the song and rediscover it all over again. Ok… it is Sunday night with only a short week left in the year. Use your time wisely!
Everything…. We want everything to go smoothly, we have everything to do to get ready for the holidays and we think we have everything under control. Everything begins to overwhelm us and we worry about everything.
I am stuck here in my little corner thinking about everything… and it is getting to be too much when I have to choose between things I like or want to do. What I am trying to say is I REALLY want to get caught up, but it is looking less like I will. I am still going to try. I have started looking at daily posts as they come out for the day and then just writing for the days I am behind. I don’t know if I can keep that up as I struggle to get cards out NO LATER than Tuesday morning. I plan to have everything out tomorrow, but plans don’t always go right.
I still need a day for treats. I think this is my plan… letters and cards out Monday, treats on Tuesday and Wrapping Wednesday and Thursday along with shopping for any last minute things I realize I need. I think that covers everything. And with any luck I can still squeeze in WP. No matter what… when January first hit. I will concentrate on only January posts. If there is anything I am missing you think I should see just drop me a link in my comments. I still have all of the week after Christmas with nothing else going on to beat my deadline. But we will see how everything plays out.
THANK YOU all so much for everything… it is back to the reader I go!
Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – everything
I know it doesn’t make sense, but the second I saw the word tempo I was thinking of windshield wipers. And that linked me to the year 1980. I was a mere thirteen years old but my crush (well one of them) was starring in a new movie called Urban Cowboy. And suddenly country was cool.
It all fueled my love of all types of music. I found many artists through that introduction to country music… The Oak Ridge Boys (still love their harmony to this day), Barbara Mandrell, Alabama, and Eddie Rabbitt to name a few.
And that my friends, takes me back to tempo and the windshield wipers. Eddie sang from the perspective of a truck driver in the song, “Drivin’ My Life Away” and it was featured in the movie Roadie (I just learned that today). But there is a repeated lyric about the “windshield wipers slapping out a tempo, keeping perfect rhythm with the song on the radio” and that is how tempo makes me think of windshield wipers.
The 80s were a good time for me… the only year that was better, in the 90s when my daughter was born. The 80s were about country music and video games. I had my favorite teacher in school (modern dance class instead of gym) and I met and married the love of my life. Did you enjoy the 80s? While you think about it enjoy this video of “Drivin’ My Life Away.”
(sorry the video and audio seemed out of sync when I watched it, but it is the best video I saw on YouTube)
Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – tempo
Not too long ago I mentioned how I love music. Well as soon as I saw the word prompt two songs came into my head and no way to shake them but give in and post.
The band is The Offspring and the song is Pretty Fly (For A White Guy), not a favorite song but oh so catchy. Here, let’s get it stuck in your head too…
And whenever I hear that song it triggers something deep inside me, a slightly off kilter place. Maybe one would even call it Demented. I think I probably heard this on the Dr Demento show. All I know is once you’ve heard it you just cant keep Weird Al out of your head…
For Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – offspring
“Real art is one of the most powerful forces in the rise of mankind, and he who renders it acceptable to as many people as possible is a benefactor of humanity.” – Zoltan Kodaly
Art comes in many forms and can truly move you. Whether it is a photograph of a mountain you want to see some day, a sculpture of an inspiring person you wish to be like, or a painting of a field of flowers you can practically smell, it all touches a part of us that brings joy. It could be an intensifying piece from a symphony or the gentle movements of graceful dancers in the performing arts that brings back a memory or entices a moment.
Art can open our eyes to other cultures, times and ways of life. Teaching us, inspiring us and so often an encouragement to keep moving. One of my favorite forms of art is photography. A mood can be captured with the press of a button. The right lighting and composition can create a response you never expected.
As the winter months come upon us soon, why not plan a trip to a local museum? You can escape a little with the beauty of art in a nice warm environment. Just like stopping to smell the flowers (natural art if you will) you need to take time to appreciate the beauty that has been created all around you.
Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – benefactor
I really love that quote but saw it attributed to at least four different people. Bottom line, if you have followed me for any length of time you know I love music. Am crazy about live music. And my taste shifts over most genres.
Something I whole heartily agree with is the push in the last few years to shop local. This works for music as well. There is a lot of talented artists who have not had that big break yet, or unfortunately never will. I have supported a few local bands in my life, two disbanded due to a husband and wife split within the group, one split for solo opportunities and one of my favorite ones only played through college and then got “real jobs” – how disappointing, but I still wish them the best!
This day and age the path of a successful artist does not necessarily rely solely on the local bar scene. There is YouTube and Facebook and so many other online sources for music. So tonight I am going to share a couple of artists I have found through one source or another thanks to the internet. I hope you enjoy one or more of them.
The first musical viral video I got hooked in on, forgive me for posting Christmas music before Thanksgiving, but a do know a few people who celebrate both with certain families. Straight No Chaser…
A friend introduced me to the this group that will be in the state next month but with winter driving I cant guarantee I could get there if the weather is bad, so no tickets for me. Postmodern Jukebox…
A friend who is into more heavy metal music found this cover artist who does a pretty good job. Leo Moracchioli…
And last but not least an artist my daughter introduced me to Greta Van Fleet…
There is also Lindsey Stirling, 10 Second Songs, Apocalyptica, 2 Cellos, Peter Hollens … the list goes on.
I knew what I wanted to do the minute I saw this, and I will get to that but first. My life has been to the extremes. I have had my high points and my lows. Some people would think this was a low point as I am no longer in a relationship with my boyfriend of nearly ten years, but I feel a definite freedom and weight off of my shoulders. I had been extremely isolated while he was actually here, but he was too busy with a million other things. It was time to put me first. And this past weekend he and his mom left to a small two-bedroom apartment.
So, now I wait for the extremes of depression and anxiety to hit. I had a lot of high anxiety levers during the pack and leave, but it has been wonderful these last couple of days. I know the lows of depression will come though and I am doing all I can to keep them at bay. I have a wonderful support group of family and friends who have been there for me.
Tomorrow will be a stressful day as they come back to (hopefully) get all the rest of their stuff they left behind. Then I will totally free.
Maybe if he had listened to this song and taken notes things would have been different… but I doubt it. What I thought of first when I saw the prompt… the band Extreme with one of my favorite rock ballads, “More Than Words.”
Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – extreme
Ok, I know what Kafkaesque is… but it does not flow well in a poem, actually it is a word that does not even roll off the tongue very easily (at least not my tongue!). I could try to work it into a fiction piece, but I just did one about homecoming and I would much rather stack up poems than fiction pieces. So that leaves me back at a roadblock. Not that many of my poems rhyme, but what word even rhymes with Kafkaesque? All I can come up with is burlesque. But I will not travel down that road. I am going to do a plug for my friend actually.
Everyone knows that October is Breast Cancer awareness month, but did you know it is many other awareness months? Adopt a Shelter Dog month, Eat Better Eat Together month, Emotional Wellness month, International Walk to School month, National Book month, National Pasta, Pizza and Pretzel months, Positive Attitude month, and list goes on and on (take a look on https://nationaldaycalendar.com/october-monthly-observations/ ). But I am in particular supporting National Dysautonomia Awareness month
There are several forms of dysautonomia, but I know a couple of friends that have POTS (Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome) and they can have debilitating conditions. I know one of my friends often spends days where she has to do activities like cooking and washing dishes seated in a chair, so she doesn’t pass out. The disease affects her blood pressure and is something that can come on suddenly.