I wish I could go back to simpler days. Days when I had innocence. Days when I was naïve and guileless. Days before September 10th would have been so important to me. Today has been World Suicide Prevention Day #WSPD. There was a time I thought that would never effect me. How I turned out to be wrong.
First of all there are the odds stacked against me. They say 800,000 suicides take place each year… it comes out to about every 40 seconds somewhere around the world another person takes his or her own life. Odds are in your lifetime you WILL know someone who wants to do it, tried to do and succeeds in doing it. I have all three in my lifetime already.
So I write in remembrance of those gone, in compassion for those who feel that alone and empty and for the suicidal ideation I suffer from with my depression. The hardest thing I ever did was pick up a phone to dial 911 for a dear friend of mine who tried to end it all. I already wrote about that here. And I felt an unending emptiness when a boy I used to babysit took his own life. And there was a day I tried everything I could to keep a friend talking when he was ready to jump off a bridge.
Suicide is so hard on others, but it is hard on the victim too. The only thing I can not stress enough is you are NEVER alone. Talk to a friend, family, clergy or doctor. Call a hotline. Text someone. Even reaching out on social media is an option. So, as the day wraps up I leave you all with a wish to stay in touch with others. You never know what others are going through. Your call, note or text could make all the difference in their day.
Be safe, be well, TALK to someone!
The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8155
Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – guileless
Today is September first… a day of mixed emotions. This is the start of ovarian cancer awareness month. I have mentioned before I had and beat breast cancer. During that time there was an angel on earth who helped me through my chemo treatments.
She helped me through because she had been through chemo twice by that time for ovarian cancer already. She gave me heads up on what she went through and some of those little things that the doctors just don’t tell you about. Wigs get HOT in the summer. The metallic taste in your mouth may be overwhelmed by a certain flavor item, for her it was root beer, me salty potato chips. And drink or suck on something cold during treatments or you will get canker sores in your mouth (don’t know WHY this works, but it does).
Unfortunately, the cancer came back for her again. She fought; she fought with an unending raw courage. I remember the last time I saw her, yellowed skin from jaundice and using a wheelchair due to weakness and fatigue, she was still smiling and cracking jokes. She refused to let it win.
She died about 2 weeks later. I barely knew her family, but I was there for the funeral. She was a beautiful spirit that I feel so fortunate to have known. That is why every September I try to do what I can to spread awareness. It can be an ugly disease, but early detection is key. Please take a minute to recognize the symptoms and read the facts. For more information I recommend this web site. http://ovarian.org/
Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) and C. H.❤ – raw
This is a mumbles kind of a night. I have been in a flare and I just don’t have much left in me tonight to write about tenacity. My tenacity got up and walked out a long time ago. No, I guess I can’t say that for the plain reason that I am writing this. I will not give up on my writing, even if it is just a stream of consciousness blog, I have the determination to get at least a post a day done. It is good for my mental health to write, help my concentration and keeps my hands moving so they don’t cramp up.
I started out with the intention to write about either of my grandmothers as they were both so like the energizer bunny when setting out on a task. But I miss them both so much I kept getting off track. I then tried a story about a man unhappy at his job after twenty years being tenacious in finding a job he loved to do. But I got tripped up with memories of when I used to work. So, my mumbles post was born.
As my evening meds are making me tired, I wind down and hope that you all have a healthy positive week. (((HUGS)))
Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – tenacity
There was once a comedian that talked about diet having a die in it… that is how I kind of look at dieting. I have tried more than once to hop on a diet trend, but the problem is as soon as you say I can’t have it, that is all that I crave. So, over the years I have adapted a little here and there and although I am no where near where I want to be on my weight, I have held even and not gone up. My meds cause weight gain so I am happy to stay even.
I grew up in a household where you got rewarded with food. Birthday dinners were always your choice, you ate when you were stressed and depressed. Even when we were sick there were special meals or treats – like ice cream for a sore throat. I learned well and still turn to food for comfort… but it doesn’t really work.
I eat and I regret. I then try to cut back a little. Add more fruits and especially vegetables. I don’t cut out sweets, only cut them back. I tried to eliminate them but then I tend to binge on them in a frenzy to get that comfort food rush.
I have a very bad relationship with food. As I have heard it said before diet IS a four-letter word! So, I will eat in moderation and when my body lets me, I exercise a little to stay as healthy as I can. What do you do to try to eat right?
Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – diet
I am running on about 4 hours of sleep… I am “recovering” from a night of cards and a drink or two with a friend from out of state. SO, my mind is running in some weird circles. All I can think of is the company (co.) of nuns plays drums. A little spelling trick from WAY BACK in my youth. I have a lot of them, I was really bad at spelling. Thank God for spell check!
I don’t really have a lot to write. I do have a conundrum I am facing regarding my current relationship, but I would need a long time to write about it and I am just too tired to do so. There are a million new conundrums that pop up with my Dad’s old (99 years old) house that we have been able to face with good answers so far.
SO, this is just a babbling stream of consciousness on a very short night of sleep. I guess we have all been there before. I promise to give a little more time to my next post. Thanks for stopping by anyway!
Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – conundrum
This is not the post I had planned on writing, but the day dictated what I had to say.
On an awful day like today I argue with God. I argue why 20 innocent people doing an everyday thing had to die. I argue why are there 26 more people in hospital beds. Here in Iowa it was a tax free weekend for clothes shopping and people were out taking advantage of the tax break. I don’t know if they had a tax holiday or not in Texas, but even if there was not back to school shopping going on, it was a Saturday which is always busy. Why?
So today I am guilty of blasphemy. I openly admit it. I argue with God at a time like this. I swear, I get angry, and I cry. It is senseless violence. It has to stop. Until it does I will argue and cuss and question how a loving God can allow this to still happen. It makes me wonder if there even is a greater power at work? It makes me wonder why?
My heart goes out to those affected by this tragedy in El Paso today.
Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – blasphemy
This is an interesting choice for FOWC today, but the timing is pretty good. Just last week Thursday I was looking mindlessly through the TV channels to see if there was anything worth watching. And I came across the Decades network and their broadcast of the old gothic soap opera Dark Shadows. My mom used to love to watch that! I also remember my sister and her friend watching it during the summer. I remember the show, but I think it is more through stories and the book my mom had about it. I was born the year it started and only 5 when it went off the air.
For those of you not familiar with Dark Shadows, Barnabas Collins is cursed by a witch and bitten by a bat… as far as I remember the stories, he is then led to suffer a life of eternity as a vampire. I have only seen 4 episodes so far and I have seen the tarot cards, the witch, the (high quality special effects) bat attack and Barnabas fading in and out of a delirious state. His wife (the witch) claims it is the plague.
I am loving this flashback to the very early days of my life. And to add more to the timing of this word. Hollywood Vampires just performed on The Late Late Show with James Corden. But not a single one of them sparkled!
Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – vampire