Asteroid Minific

For a lot of people today’s one word prompt of twinkle brings to mind the childhood rhyme Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.  I on the other hand remember a sheet of paper my Dad gave me years ago that read like this –

Scintillate, scintillate, asteroid minific,
Fain would I fathom your nature specific.
Exaltedly set in ether capacious,
A reasonable facsimile of a gem carbonaceous.
Scintillate, scintillate, asteroid minific,
Fain would I fathom your nature specific.

Ever since that day I would remember the “scientific” version of the rhyme.  I know there were a lot of other common rhymes or proverbs translated on that sheet as well, but for some reason this one stuck.

So scintillate little star… make a wish and feel like a kid again tonight.

Cast The First Stone

With a loud plop

The stone began its fall

The water slowed its descent slightly

And I watched with fascination

The way the waves rippled outward

Almost as if the stone sent out a warning

“The end is near!”

This creek is too shallow I thought to myself

While morbid ideas danced in my mind

I shook my head and took a deep breath

I will not let the demons get to me

It is only a rock in the water

No metaphors today

I make a mental note to remember

Next time skip the rock across the water

Never let me see it fall to the watery graveyard

The Aftermath

the ice cream is melted and dripping

what is left of the cake is smashed

wrapping paper torn to shreds

the scene almost looks eerie

there are no people around

only empty memories left behind

another year spent frivolously

no hopes to hang dreams on

just another year stretched out before you

on the uncaring road of life

 

A Hand To Hold No More

Don’t make eye contact

just stare at the sidewalk.

He is walking this way

and the pain is still raw.

A love not returned

is a love that is lost.

But you swallow the pain

and pretend it doesn’t hurt

You dash into a doorway,

out of sight out of mind.

As he strides right past you,

you start to cry.

No one can shake you

the way that he can…

to this day it still hurts

that you can’t hold his hand.

Shivering

Today’s daily prompt is shiver… it brings to mind bad times.  Times when I would shiver in the midst of a panic attack.  When I would be so afraid and mad at the same time during a heavily drunken night with my ex-husband. And crying so much my body would shiver when I lost a couple of good friends.

I live in Iowa, I should think of good winter fun when I see the word shiver, but I don’t.  I recall many drives in the winter on the way to work where I could feel the anxiety over having to drive slow for the roads but knowing I could not be late for work, it triggered panic attacks more than once.  My wonderful manager told me to drive in to work and show them the panic attack so they would believe me.  That in itself is almost maddening enough to make me shiver with anger over the danger they wanted me to put myself and all others on the road into that morning.

Fear and anger gripped me so tightly many nights with my alcoholic husband.  I owe some of that to childhood memories of a mom who had a drunken rampage destroying the living room while I lay in bed terrified she would come upstairs and throw things in my room. I would shiver and strain to listen to what my husband was doing downstairs.  I would hold my breath while he staggered up the stairs, ready to jump into action if he should try to go into our daughters room.  I had to do all I could to cover her eyes to the ugliness that took place while she slept.

I can think of two close friends I lost that left me so deeply saddened I shivered with streaming tears.  One “friend” left in such an abrupt manner with no contact I was left shocked for months.  To this day I don’t understand how he flipped the switch to off so easily… people tell me he wasn’t a true friend, but that didn’t stop the pain I felt from that loss.  My other friend (due to reasons I can’t really explain) had to move back to his home after only 4 months of FINALLY being able to spend time together since we met on the internet 5 years earlier.  I still have contact with him at least.  I just feel I lost so much when he left.  Maybe it is all in my mind, but it still brings tears after more than a year.

I am in the heat of summer and now after all this reflection I feel the need to wrap in a blanket and try to comfort myself until the shivers once again stop…

Once Upon A Fragile Mind

The black tower surrounds me

Locking me deep into my depression

The fierce dragon of anxiety breathes

Fires of frustration and fear heating the walls

No brave prince comes to save me

No fairy godmother is here

My own lack of confidence keeps me chained

Afraid to take a step towards the drawbridge

Certain I can’t cross the moat

To ever find a positive destiny for myself

And break the spell trapping me here forever

Daily Prompt: Vice

I am stumped today.  I keep thinking of something to do with vice and I come up blank.  So when I get writers block I tend to babble… you have been warned.

The advice was nice for the mice who wanted ice, but the price for the vice was too high.

Ta-da!  I wrote something  about vice… sorry folks but I am in a mood.  I want to shut down for the night and the wheels are just spinning way to fast to relax.  I have two appointments tomorrow and I am certain I will over sleep so of course I am wired now and don’t feel like sleep will be any time soon.

Usually when I am suffering from insomnia I try to write.  If I can get the wandering words out it makes my head a little more quiet.  Unfortunately the thoughts are really jumping too fast to make a lot of sense tonight.  BUT … I promised myself I would stick with these one word prompts and keep writing.  I really think it has helped my depression and anxiety some.  I know it has helped my self-confidence a little to know there are a few of you following my ramblings out there.  I am far from a great writer, but if I can somehow connect with even just one person I feel it makes a difference.

I write in times of dark depression best usually.  The evil words just seem to flow better than those rare moments of happiness… my writing then always seems cheesy to me.  But being alone, scared, frustrated, defeated and so on are some of the times the words just seem to click better.  Right now I am just almost manic and can not keep a flow going in any one direction.  Does anyone else ever get that way?

I am also kind of dreading tomorrow morning.  My Dad (who is now 80) has to take a driving test to renew his driver’s license.  I love him to pieces, but his driving scares me.  He recently had to have surgery and his license came due during the recovery… now he waited long enough he has to take a test.  I am glad the decision to drive or not to does not fall into my hands or my sister’s.  I know he will be devastated if he does not get his license.  I just hope if it is a no, they are polite about the denial.

I think I will stop babbling at the keyboard now.  I have you all confused by now I am sure.  I am not even sure of which direction I am going… LOL!  I hope you all get a good nights rest.  Until the next time… (((HUGS)))

The Player Of The Game

You used me

You made me care

You nearly had me fall in love

You were an expert in the game

 

You made promises

You broke them soon

You were only out for yourself

You needed me for just a moment

 

You never meant for anything to last

You shut off the friendship quickly

You used up all that I offered naturally to you

You have obviously done this before

 

You got your money

You got your needs met

You were only thinking of number one

You drew out the fool in me…