I can’t do it anymore
Force the smile
When inside I cry
I was so hurt
When you left me
And things spiraled
Out of control
I have lost others
From my life
And a big piece
Of who I am
I have to finish
This deception
And no longer
Turn away from
The pain I feel
Let the tears flow
And embrace the pain
If I ever want to
Be whole again
Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – finish
The mirror tells the tale
Of a hard battle
I finally may have won
Fighting with the image I see
Was where I used to be
Now I embrace me
The good
The bad
The in between
And all that is right and wrong
I am no longer afraid
Of the face that stares back
After years of struggle
I am learning to accept me
Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – mirror
Strong emotions get bottled-up inside of me
I need a way to funnel them out
And free my mind and heart
But just when I start to feel at ease
Another wave washes over me
And I am drowning in a sea
If only I was able to control what I feel
Taking it little by little instead of all at once
Maybe I could handle some kind of acceptance
Until then I roll with the rhythm of the waves
In and out like a wild ride
Keeping it all inside
I am tired of hiding
I will no longer deny
What it is I feel
No matter if it is
Good or bad
Happy or sad
I will accept my anger
Embrace my fear
Endure my sorrow
Acknowledge my joy
I no longer want to
Be in a numb state
In between emotions
I want to feel alive
It comes in a wave
Out of nothing,
An impending doom
Felt in an instant.
I have learned
I can’t stop it,
But I can overcome it –
Breathe through it
Be aware of it
And let it pass.
Today I can’t take it,
My acceptance level
Is way out of reach.
I cannot watch you do this.
I can’t watch
Another one I care for
Slowly drink himself to death.
I still wrestle with demons –
It was my fault he is gone.
Please don’t make me responsible
For what you can’t control.
I have undertaken a challenge this year. I am trying to find the good in every day by writing about happiness and gratitude that I feel. No matter how small there is always something to bring a smile or make you grateful, if just for a moment. Follow along with me as I dig deep as necessary and find the peace of the day. Join in if you are feeling happy and grateful too – in the comments or on your own blog. Let’s find some fun!
I stayed in bed today… probably for too long. I just was so tired. I fought the fatigue and didn’t go back to sleep, but I didn’t get the energy to move for quite a while. I hate when days start off like this. It makes it seem like I am fighting from behind to catch up all day. Add in the fatigue and I never get ahead or even break even. So I am trying to learn to just accept my limitations on these kinds of days. But acceptance is not easy.
I limited what I did today down to the necessities, no extras. I postponed a trip to the store for a day with more energy. I hate the way fibromyalgia robs me of so much energy but I am getting better at recognizing it and adjusting. At least the pain level was not higher along with the fatigue this flare.
I can be happy in the way I am learning to deal with my illness even if I hate it. I am grateful that I have medicine that helps and the ability to work things around my flares. I hope this is a short one and I am back on a more positive day tomorrow.
Leigha Robbins 