I can’t stand it
Like toxic fumes
From a running car
Breathing in
Your alcohol heavy breath
Is almost enough to
Get me drunk too
But I won’t drink anymore
A stupid voice inside
Tells me then you
Might stop too
But that was just
Another broken dream
For you never did stop
And those fumes
Were a big part of why
I walked out the door
Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – fumes
She stopped with her coworkers at the local pub. She had a celebratory drink as the big project at work was finished and after all this was Friday, the start of a weekend. Her partner on this project bought everyone a shot of tequila and the team slammed them down. This was one of the secretary’s birthday too, so she ordered shots for everyone too. Before she finished her margarita to head home, someone placed another shot of tequila in her hand and she downed it in no time.
Now she was getting ready to leave and one of the staff members asked if she needed a ride home. “No, I’ve got my car and it is just about 10 blocks away.” Her partner watched her swerve a little as she walked and came up behind her taking the keys out of her hand. “You’re not driving any where tonight. I can just see the serious repercussions of you getting behind the wheel after all those shots… so many things could happen, and I would rather not visit you in either jail or the hospital.”
She stumbled again and turned around saying, “You are right, I am a little tipsy. Maybe I can order an Uber if I can just find my phone.”
Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – repercussions
I do not condone his behavior
I’m sorry but I have no control either
If I did it would stop
He would not drink until he passed out
He would not disconnect from our family
He would not avoid food
He would not sleep long hours
He would not ignore the doctors
He would not slowly take his own life
With every drop he swallows
Leaving our lives seemingly unmanageable
Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – condone
Late at night, almost 3 am
I step out on the balcony
Looking over the parking lot
Your car is still not there
You said you’re working late
But we both know that’s not true
You have closed down the bar
I fear you are in an accident
Or by the side of the road with the police
This has to stop
And I know in my heart it probably will
With a last breath taken
After another bottle is emptied
And the poison has its way
Written For Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – balcony
I will not placate you
I will not ease your troubles
I will not set you free of anger
Because I no longer ride
That never-ending merry-go-round
Your life is your own
I will no longer be a part of it
My focus is on me and my life
I will no longer be your puppet
You and her will be happy together
Until she drains you dry
As you slowly drain her
Drink by drink
Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – placate
They give the illusion
Of a happy couple
But hidden deep
Is a secret
The masks they wear
Make things look perfect
But the truth is
Something darker
An addiction to the bottle
And the need to hide it
He is a slave to alcohol
And she tries to keep it hidden
He drinks to drowned his worries
She worries about his health
He misses so much of life
She is missing peace and calm
Together they play their roles
In this tragedy of life
He the alcoholic
She the co-dependant
Will they ever find happiness
Will life ever be normal
He must fight for his own life
She must focus on herself for a change
Life with alcoholism is an illustion
Seeing only what you are allowed to
He the “life of the party”
She the “happy housewife”
It’s an automatic response;
I hear the slurred words,
I smell the alcohol on your breath
And I instantly tense.
I remember those nights;
He stumbled down the stairs,
Breaking the window
And I am instantly afraid.
I know you’re not him;
He drank more,
He lost control
And I should not compare you to him.
But it’s an automatic response;
You drink,
I remember
And the hurt begins again.
This week started off really bad… I lost the diamond ring my boyfriend got me a couple of years ago and I was in a car accident – no injuries, but a very dented door from the lady who backed into me in the parking lot. I was without my regular doctors visit to see my therapist because of the holiday. Just really a week to run and hide.
Tonight was a bright spot however. Although I was sure the ring was either lost in the works of the recliner I sit in or lost forever, tonight as I did the laundry I heard a clink on the floor outside of the dryer. It was my ring! I am guessing I either dropped it in the laundry Sunday night or it was caught in the clothes I had on. No matter what happened to it, I am very glad I found it. Maybe this is the start of a turning point for good? I sure hope so. I know tomorrow is gonna be good… so excited to tell you about it tomorrow as I am sure it will be the highlight of happiness for the day!
Things seem like they are falling apart lately. Too many problems and not enough solutions. My boyfriends way to deal with this was to start drinking again after being sober for 4 years. It has brought back memories of my ex-husband and his battle with alcoholism. Today I tried to find some peace the best way I know how (besides walking in nature) – I went to an Al-Anon meeting. I used to go regularly for nearly two years. Then I had health issues that kept me away. I am hoping to settle back into a regular meeting time and find a little peace. It was good to be in a room full of others who have similar issues. We even laughed a little tonight and I really needed that. So even in the middle of the chaos that is my life right now, I can still find some happiness in a day and I am so very grateful for that!
Alcohol is a filthy word
When you speak it,
You slur the word so bad…
You crawl to the bed
And ask me to understand,
You needed an escape…
You pass out instead of sleep
And the stress we share,
For me, has just been doubled…
I cannot speak,
I am the one numb now
Uncertain what tomorrow will bring…
