No Memory Of It

Photo by cottonbro on

She turned and walked away

It was impossible to talk to him

He was drunk again and

He wouldn’t remember a bit of it

It was the usual fight

She had asked him not to drink

He said he wouldn’t

Just a half an hour later

He was well on his way

The dispute had turned the corner

To his total denial about drinking

She felt like he thought she was stupid

Didn’t smell the alcohol on his breathe

Didn’t see the bottle beside his chair

Didn’t notice he was unable to stand still

Didn’t hear the slurring of the words he spoke

It was all too familiar

And it again broke her heart

She climbed the stairs

Sat on the side of the bed

And began to cry again

Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – dispute

Hi, My Name Is Bob







Messed up




Over the legal limit

In the sauce


Too far gone


Job lost

Family gone

Health poor

All alone

Money dwindling

Friends disappearing

Teeth gone

Weight low

when will it stop

liver dying

no more lying

house foreclosed

car repossessed

shaky hands




Tried and failed

Almost jailed

Wasting away


Falling down

Empty bottles

Passing out

Homeless shelter

Try again

Never win

Siren and lights


Died tonight

Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – inebriated

Shattered Dreams

Photo by furkanvari from Pexels

I just can’t believe it

I’m so angry I could spit

You broke your promise again

I feel like I can never win

Shattered dreams in the night

Hoping it will work out right


You swore this time you wouldn’t do it

But I sit here watching you get lit

You’re past the all night partying age

Your latest lie gives me pure rage

Shattered dreams in the night

Hoping it will work out right


The last straw that broke my back

Was because of compassion you lack

My mom’s death didn’t keep you sober

That’s when I knew it was over

Shattered dreams in the night

Hoping it will work out right


You kept drinking all day

No matter what I’d say

I couldn’t watch you slowly die

I was tired of my nightly cry

Shattered dreams in the night

Hoping it will work out right


And in a short time

You were no longer mine

You died in your bed

Still with demons in your head

Shattered dreams in the night

Nothing about this was right


Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – rage

A to Z Challenge – J

A2Z 2020 logo

The letter J …

It was almost 33 years ago when my life changed.  I went out on a date with “J” for the first time.  We would end up parked in the driveway talking for hours until almost 4 am.  Two years later we would marry and start what I thought would be a beautiful life together.  It wasn’t perfect. I don’t think it ever is.  The one thing that was as close to perfect as possible was news 5 years later that we would be parents.  After about two to three years of increasing drinking I knew J had a problem.  A few times he tried to quit on his own.  It never lasted.  I began doing everything I could to make a far from normal life “perfect” for my daughter.  When J was sober, he was a good dad.  He loved his daughter and that was evident.  I would tell my daughter he had fallen asleep when he had really passed out.  I did everything to keep him quiet at night to not wake her.  When she got into her teens it was harder and harder to make life “normal.”

To make a long story short I finally gave him an ultimatum to actively get help or I was leaving.  I gave him about 3 months to seek help – a doctor, a therapist, a rehab just one step to getting help.  When the day came, and he had done nothing I was crushed.  But I wouldn’t back down.  My daughter deserved better.  My life with J started out wonderfully.  I still love him to this day.  Unfortunately, he drank himself to death and our daughter found him dead in his bed.

All the turmoil, the pain, the tears, the drama, the heartbreak… if given a choice I would not change it.  Only because it gave me a beautiful daughter who I treasure more than anything.  If J were still here and had gotten the help, I think I would have gone back to him.  I know I still very much loved the man I married.  Trouble was he had drowned years after the wedding.  And I couldn’t safe him.  But because he gave me my daughter, I am grateful to J forever.


(Sorry this one was so long… it was had to condense.)

Blind To The Truth

I don’t want to talk about it anymore

No more need to debate

You have made up your mind

But so have I

You’ve been more than distant

And I’ve tried over and over again

To somehow reach you

With no luck

You believe you are not an alcoholic

But I see so many of the signs you miss

How much you drink

How often you drink

And your inability to stop

You say you just like the taste of it

But it is so much more

No I don’t want to replay this scene anymore

Tonight I walk out that door


Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – debate

Life Changes

I close my eyes and try to calm my life.  Since he left I have found it easier to manage the day to day, but there are those every once in a while things that are rough.  For the first time in my life I had to unclog a drain with a snake; it was pretty easy, although messy.  I had to worry about health insurance.  I went from my parent’s policy to his.  And I had to find my first place all my own; once again from my parents house to his.

I am aware of a relief from his absence, but down the road there may come a day I am not so sure of being alone.  Now it is just a weight that has been lifted.  I no longer have to worry about what he is doing and when he will be sober.  Not that I could control it anyway.  No more broken things in the middle of the night.  No more incoherent words.  No more worries of when will he get behind the wheel and go buy more.


Two years later I realized I missed him.  I should say I missed the man I married.  But tragedy had struck.  His body had enough of the disease and began to shut down, until the day he was found in his bed, gone from life far too soon.  Me left wondering if there was anything I could have done earlier to slow or stop the disease.  But I remind myself… I didn’t cause it, can’t control it, and I couldn’t cure it.  Unfortunately neither could he.


Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – manage


We met three years ago through a mutual friend and there was an instant chemistry there. We were inseparable. Then I moved in and things slowly began to change.

He drank at night. Not a lot, but enough to catch a buzz. I didn’t mind at first because we were young and in love. Then the drinking started earlier in the day and lasted all night.

It became a bottle a night of whisky and I was devastated. Felt lost and so alone. The drink to us was toxic, and an addiction he couldn’t break. Until it ultimately broke him.


Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – toxic

His Secret

the bottle hit the floor
another empty to litter the room
he is passed out
oblivious to food in the oven burning
the smoke detector sounds
only a slight movement
flames begin to form
he silently rolls over

now she has to explain
tell his family the awful truth
they were not the perfect family
they held a dark secret
and it reared it’s ugly head that night
while she was away
he drank himself to death
in the most painful way


Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – bottle

Mumbles … Kowtow

Good afternoon readers. Here I am faced with a daily prompt struggle I cannot work into a post easily. There are plenty of words that rhyme with kowtow – brow, now, how, prow, vow, wow… But to work them into a poem I am coming up blank. I think my mind is crammed too full with lots going on (Dr has me doing physical therapy twice a week, have two birthdays coming up and an out of town guest visiting…) so instead I will just mumble a bit.

The definition according to Encarta says to kowtow is to “to behave in an extremely submissive way in order to please someone in a position of authority.” I have never kowtowed to anyone. I have done things to please others, but that is just plain kindness. I would say the closest thing would be the number of things I did try to get my ex-husband to stop drinking. As he was an alcoholic none of them worked no matter how many times he told me they would. That would be labeled more as desperation and simple insanity (doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different outcome). But nothing worked as he was sick and was so deep in the disease nothing could bring him out of it.

So forgive me for lack of creative words today. Maybe when I get to the next prompt I will have more of the brain cells firing! In the meantime I will go back to reading posts and try to attempt to catch up. Have a good day/night everyone!


Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – kowtow


I thought we had this settled
I would be home more
And you would drink less
I thought we made a deal
We would start a family
And you would drink less
I thought we had an arrangement
I would get a full time job
And you would drink less
… promise after promise
Ripped to shreds
The death of our life together
Did not open your eyes
It only brought more disappointment
and the biggest loss of all – you


Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – arrangement