Life Changes

I close my eyes and try to calm my life.  Since he left I have found it easier to manage the day to day, but there are those every once in a while things that are rough.  For the first time in my life I had to unclog a drain with a snake; it was pretty easy, although messy.  I had to worry about health insurance.  I went from my parent’s policy to his.  And I had to find my first place all my own; once again from my parents house to his.

I am aware of a relief from his absence, but down the road there may come a day I am not so sure of being alone.  Now it is just a weight that has been lifted.  I no longer have to worry about what he is doing and when he will be sober.  Not that I could control it anyway.  No more broken things in the middle of the night.  No more incoherent words.  No more worries of when will he get behind the wheel and go buy more.

***

Two years later I realized I missed him.  I should say I missed the man I married.  But tragedy had struck.  His body had enough of the disease and began to shut down, until the day he was found in his bed, gone from life far too soon.  Me left wondering if there was anything I could have done earlier to slow or stop the disease.  But I remind myself… I didn’t cause it, can’t control it, and I couldn’t cure it.  Unfortunately neither could he.

 

Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – manage

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Bottle

We met three years ago through a mutual friend and there was an instant chemistry there. We were inseparable. Then I moved in and things slowly began to change.

He drank at night. Not a lot, but enough to catch a buzz. I didn’t mind at first because we were young and in love. Then the drinking started earlier in the day and lasted all night.

It became a bottle a night of whisky and I was devastated. Felt lost and so alone. The drink to us was toxic, and an addiction he couldn’t break. Until it ultimately broke him.

 

Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – toxic

His Secret

the bottle hit the floor
another empty to litter the room
he is passed out
oblivious to food in the oven burning
the smoke detector sounds
only a slight movement
flames begin to form
he silently rolls over

now she has to explain
tell his family the awful truth
they were not the perfect family
they held a dark secret
and it reared it’s ugly head that night
while she was away
he drank himself to death
in the most painful way

 

Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – bottle

Mumbles … Kowtow

Good afternoon readers. Here I am faced with a daily prompt struggle I cannot work into a post easily. There are plenty of words that rhyme with kowtow – brow, now, how, prow, vow, wow… But to work them into a poem I am coming up blank. I think my mind is crammed too full with lots going on (Dr has me doing physical therapy twice a week, have two birthdays coming up and an out of town guest visiting…) so instead I will just mumble a bit.

The definition according to Encarta says to kowtow is to “to behave in an extremely submissive way in order to please someone in a position of authority.” I have never kowtowed to anyone. I have done things to please others, but that is just plain kindness. I would say the closest thing would be the number of things I did try to get my ex-husband to stop drinking. As he was an alcoholic none of them worked no matter how many times he told me they would. That would be labeled more as desperation and simple insanity (doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different outcome). But nothing worked as he was sick and was so deep in the disease nothing could bring him out of it.

So forgive me for lack of creative words today. Maybe when I get to the next prompt I will have more of the brain cells firing! In the meantime I will go back to reading posts and try to attempt to catch up. Have a good day/night everyone!

 

Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – kowtow

Bargaining

I thought we had this settled
I would be home more
And you would drink less
I thought we made a deal
We would start a family
And you would drink less
I thought we had an arrangement
I would get a full time job
And you would drink less
… promise after promise
Ripped to shreds
The death of our life together
Did not open your eyes
It only brought more disappointment
and the biggest loss of all – you

 

Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – arrangement

Please Stop (FOWC)

Her candor cut to the point
She had been brutally honest
Telling him the truth
He was slowly killing himself
She compared it to
Suicide with a butter knife
Slow and agonizing
He just refused to see it
And would most certainly
Never do anything to fix it
If only he would show signs
That he was trying to get help
She would stay and fight
But watching him fall apart
Was killing her slowly too
And this was how she would
Ultimately save herself and her daughter
With a new freedom
It was too late to save him
He died in less than two years

 

Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – candor

Mumbles … 29th Anniversary

They say that everyone has a double, a doppelganger if you will, and that was true with him.  I first saw a resemblance to Kenny Loggins but as his star rose, everyone compared him to Jim Carrey. I wrote a long story about him…. but as today would have been our 29th anniversary I think I owe him the respect of privacy. No details except he was sick, an alcoholic. I wasn’t strong enough to stay in the end and he wasn’t strong enough to quit. He has been gone more than three years. Although we divorced I still to this day miss that man I married all those years ago, trouble was he “left” long before his health failed. Alcoholism is an ugly disease and it effects so many more people than you realize. My heart has been forever broken by it.