Shadows Speak Louder

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Whoa, this is a big one.  I have a lot of fears but to narrow it down to my “greatest fear” I would have to say being alone.  Maybe left alone too early when I was younger, with a mile-long list of things not to do, I began to fear it then.  Now It has become a fear of not having anyone to care for me, who will mourn me, or miss me in the slightest.  Since my diagnosis of fibromyalgia, depression and anxiety I have lost 3 people who I thought were good friends of mine.  A fourth has had very little time for me.  And a fifth just communicates when they need something.

Not all of them could be bad people, so it has to be me, right?  I have one beautiful daughter and a VERY BIG case of empty nest syndrome, so she is about all the family I have, and I wonder of my value in her life anymore.

A funeral no one would come to except maybe to laugh at my urn.  Might as well sweep me up with the kitty litter… see what being alone does to me.  Honestly, I know it is none of my business why people do or do not like me, it is not my business what is in their heads.  I do still have four friends I can count on so I am not alone.  It is just hard to not feel that way when I sit alone in a room with only my laptop writing when I can’t sleep.  Some nights the shadows speak louder than I do.


Written for Fandango’s Dog Days Of August (FDDA) #11 – your greatest fear

Before He Leaves

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It’s always the same

He stands at the doorway

And gives a perfunctory

“I love you”

Then leaves for the day

He returns home

Not much to say

Then retreats to

His private spaces

***

If only she knew

If he still cared

She is so alone

Too much of the time

***

He stands at the door

Another day like the rest

“I love you”

And he’s gone


Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – perfunctory

Forgotten

Spaced out

Lost in thoughts

Wishing for you

To remember me

In the zone

Day dreaming

Hoping that I

Will cross your mind

Disappointed

Crushed inside

Another day

Without a word

Devastated

Giving up

Forgotten again

As you live a new life


Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – zone https://fivedotoh.com/2020/07/01/fowc-with-fandango-zone/

Photo by Kat Jayne from Pexels

Rich But Poor

Diamonds, rubies and emeralds

Silver, gold and platinum

Even crude oil

He spent his life chasing

Dreams of fame and fortune

Every year a new commodity

Something to tear from the earth

With an avarice appetite

He may have jewels and precious metals

But he will never have love

For anything other than money and power

And that makes him

The poorest man on earth


Written for Fandango One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – Avarice https://fivedotoh.com/2020/06/17/fowc-with-fandango-avarice/

Love Again

No one is ever alone please call if you need help…

She sat in the corner of the bar.  The sign outside had said Gambit.  It made her think of the old X-men comic books of her youth.  She was way past her youth now though, but she needed a drink.

The same glass was in her hand that was there an hour ago after she first came in.  It was a salty dog.  She liked salty dogs; they were a drink introduced to her by her dad.  But he wasn’t here anymore.  Nor were a lot of other people.  Family members had died and friends had disappeared. She felt very alone.

She had come into the bar to find some courage.  Or maybe to talk herself down, she really wasn’t sure which it was.  She only knew she felt like she was at the end of her rope.  She was alone most of the time and it was taking a toll on her mentally.  She felt more and more useless and unwanted.  Today she felt like she might not just drive by that big tree on the corner.  Maybe she would take it on at top speed.

She was convinced no one cared anyway.  She was just a burden on society.  Not able to do her part to contribute.  Just a walking diseased body that was growing more and more unhinged.

Just then she got a text message.  It was simple and not convincing her of anything, but it made her feel a little less invisible.  It said, “Hey beautiful, how are you doing?” She knew he didn’t really need her anymore, but for that brief moment she felt wanted.  Maybe if she sweet talked him, he would again love her.  After all she still loved him.  And for once that day she felt she might make it through the night.

 

Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – gambit

Don’t Bite The Hand That Feeds You

You were down on your luck

I helped you up

I gave you food

Money and

A phone

In many ways I supported you

So I was taken by surprise

When you seemed to block me

From being a part of your life

You grew quiet

And distant

And always had an excuse

Finally I just felt like screaming

Don’t bite the hand that feeds you

You just might damage it forever

 

Written for Fandango’s February Expressions (FFE) #19

In A Bad Place

I want to make one thing clear

I want to live

But I have these thoughts

They are dark and scary

They call to me

Late at night

When I am alone

They say things

I know are not true

But I get taken in by their voices

The danger is of no concern

The escape sounds so good

A chance to stop the pain

The sadness

The fear

I fight many nights with my thoughts

but I am afraid one night

the voices may win

and I will escape quietly into the darkness

and no one will notice or care

 

Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – clear

Climbing Up From Rock Bottom

Digimax A50 / KENOX Q2

Step by step I climb the stairs on the hill

Closer and closer to memories of you

So many emotions of times we shared

Among these trees

The leaves all watching

Two people who thought they were in love

Two people who were wrapped up in each other

Two people who burned out too fast

And left behind in the flames of passion

Stood me broken hearted

Alone and still in love

 

Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – stairs