In The Perceived Spotlight

rapid heartbeat
Shallow breaths
The world turns grey
Muted sounds
Everyone stares
The walls are closing in
I can’t catch my breath
My heart beats like a drum
No more focusing on things
Everyone stares
The world is hazy
I feel like I’m dying
No air to breathe
I wish for peace
Everyone stares
Look away
I feel my world collapsing
This will be my end
No one to help me
And still everyone stares

Make Believe

She wanted to give him the world

He began to entertain the thought


He played along with the game

Believing it would never happen

Then when she tried to give it all to him

He only seemed amused and left

He never believed her and had only fed her lies


She was distraught and alone

Left with so much to give and no one to believe

In her and her love…


She does not fit in

She is seen as peculiar

Always quiet and withdrawn

When she is really just shy

Not pretty like the rest

Her skin is flawed

Her body is not toned

She needs to lose weight

Each time they call her peculiar

It makes her weaker inside

So she will never break out of her shell

Destined to be alone in life

All because they think she is peculiar

The Trails

The shallow water rolls by

Gracefully cascading over rocks

flowing over the bed of sand

And wetting the edge of plants

I take a deep breath and sigh

Dreaming of days we walked in the water

Days when you were by my side

The trees and I miss you

The skies are as blue as my heart

But I still put one foot in front of another

And walk the trails without you

No One

The tears well up
Hanging on the edge
Of lashes already damp
I feel my breathing
Becoming more rapid
My heart is beating
A Morse code plea for help
No one can hear it
No one notices
No one is here
No one cares
While I struggle to live…

Just venting some frustrations tonight.  Better to have the thoughts out of my head onto paper (or the screen as it were) than roaming around my brain for hours.

Happy and Grateful – Day 172

June brings warmer weather and the start of summer.  Hopefully it brings many ideas from my muse too.  I continue to write for my challenge to find the things that make me happy and grateful each day this year.  Please feel free to join me in this challenge with comments about your happiness and gratitude or start your own blog.  There is always something good to find in each day.

Anxiety has been my shadow today.  I have done what I can to try not to worry, but I keep stressing about my drive to the city tomorrow and both the rehearsal dinner and wedding this weekend.  A room of strangers and a handful of people I know a little… plus in clothes I am not comfortable in, I am not looking forward to it.

But I forged through the day and came out with my sanity still as intact as it can be this late in life.  My Dad’s doctor appointment got cancelled, and I forgot about a meeting my boyfriend had tonight.  So I spent most of the day on my own.  Besides getting lonely and feeling the blues I did ok.  I am grateful for technology to keep me entertained today with some games and a space to write.  And I was happy I was not completely alone as my cat slept with me a good portion of the day, tucked in right next to my laptop.

Now my night-time dose of anxiety meds and some sleep before my drive tomorrow.  If only there was a local doctor who would take my case… but it does no good to dream about it.  Thanks for stopping by and remember to find your happiness!