Mumbles … Dignity

The word I am writing for tonight (yes I am still sadly behind) is dignity.  After the text my boyfriend got all I can think of is death with dignity.  His mom sent him a message that his brother-in-law has stage 4 stomach cancer.  This news does two things.

I want to do what I can to let him know we are thinking of him but obviously at stage 4 a get well soon card is out of the picture.  He has always been a rather withdrawn man.  At family gatherings he tends to be pretty quiet and often will pick up his guitar and just play softly whatever comes to mind.  A friend suggested some kind of music for him to listen to.  I guess he is pretty weak but is now on a feeding tube and hopefully can regain some strength.  Maybe listening to some music would be good for him.

And then the ball is back in my court with another why.  Why does this man who dotes on his grandkids have to face his mortality so suddenly, but I had cancer, beat it and am still alive?  I guess the answer is that cancer is not fair.  Not fair at all.

So, back to death with dignity.  There are so many questions now.  Does he endure chemo to the bitter end or is that a different risk in itself that is feared.  Is he going to be one who just wants to go home and be with family for the time he has left.  But then again there is Covid 19 in the picture and in his weakened state he would be very susceptible to any kind of virus.

The next few days, weeks or maybe months will play out the way they will, there is really no stopping them.  I wish him the best and hope if there is a greater power now is the time to show some mercy please.

Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – dignity

Sad News

This post came at the … wrong time?  Or maybe it is perfect timing.  All I know is this cat was a part of my life for a long time.  He is 13 years old and about 4 years ago he went to live with a family friend (at the time I was in an apartment that would only allow 3 cats… my ex had “custody” of the cat and when he died we had three cats then).  She has taken great care of him and tonight my daughter called me with the news that he is nearing the end of his life.  Through vet visits and time, he has been found to have kidney failure, a collapsed lung and most likely cancer (that caused the collapsed lung).  The poor guy!  Our friend is going to give him as much comfort as she can, but it won’t be for very long the vet said.

My daughter called him a demon cat… most likely because she played rough with him and he started to fight back.  He was still a good cat with me.  I remember that last year with him I had him “trained” to be a little toddler.  I would stand and pat my thighs and he would stretch up my legs like a toddler wanting to be picked up.  It was adorable!

I really wish our friend was closer.  I would love to pet him one more time.  But I know our friend will give him lots of love from us.  This is one of my favorite pictures of him that they have sent us.  He always did sleep in weird positions.  Rest well sweet boy!


For Fandango’s Dog Days of August (FDDA) #6 – pets

Badly Bronzed

The pergola was covered with climbing roses and the air smelled so sweet.  He walked over to where she lay in the hot sun and said, “Why don’t you come onto the shaded patio now.  You know you burn so easily.”

She rolled over and sat up saying, “I suppose I have cooked enough on both sides.”

He softly touched her shoulder and said, “It may already be too late.  You look a little pink babe.”

Year after year she strived for the perfect tan.  Now as she sat in the waiting room of oncology, she regretted it all.


(100 words)

Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – pergola

Image from Google search

Mumbles … Empirical

It happens.  I am not a walking dictionary or even half of an abridged version.  So, off to the internet I went with ‘empirical’ to find something to write about.  I found it is basically evidence, proof, not a theory.  Now that I was armed with knowledge, what would I do with it?  I kept coming back to today and what it means to me… could I possible work that around the word?

Today is my anniversary date from when I was told I had cancer.  I am officially a 17 year survivor.  That is fact.  Cancer sucks!  The chemo and radiation to help you also hurts in various ways.  Truth for me and my treatments.  The nausea, the migraines, the body aches, the burns, the mouth sores… all of it happened to me.  Therefor I would say my experiences show empirical evidence that cancer SUCKS!

There, however, for many is a light at the end of the tunnel.  You can get through a lot more cancers now than you used to be able to.  That is not to say all cancers are “curable” but to show there are strides being met in treatments and survival ratings.  I knew a woman who lived years longer than the doctor told her she would.  I know a little boy who was not likely to make it to 12 is now an adult who went to school to become a nurse.  Those are some that defied the odds. 

Sadly there is the other side of things.  Those who will not find a cure or battle through the treatments unscathed.  A very BIG reason CANCER SUCKS!

Now I am a little more familiar with empirical and I can state my case that CANCER DOES SUCK!  What have you lived through that you could say proves something?

I hope all those in America have a wonderful Fourth of July tomorrow and the rest of you… well, have a good 4th of July!  It is after all a day everyone faces in hopefully some good summer weather!  Enjoy!


Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – empirical https://fivedotoh.com/2020/06/30/fowc-with-fandango-empirical/

Mumbles … Honest

This should just be a day like all the rest.  But to be honest, I am a bit of a wreck today.  Seventeen years ago, I was diagnosed with breast cancer.  It was treated with surgery, chemo and radiation and hasn’t come back.  However, I go in yearly now for my mammograms and every year, no matter how long ago my cancer was, I still worry it will return.  It is about an hour and forty-five minutes away from the test and I can hardly sit still.  I know the odds are in my favor logically, but every year I still worry.

Just a short time after my treatments were done, a woman I knew, who was going through cancer round three, was diagnosed and died from brain cancer.  Another woman I was acquainted with had to have a double mastectomy for her cancer.  I just think of how much worse it could have been or might become and I panic.

The test is a piece of cake.  I was smashed a lot that first year or two.  Nothing will ever be as bad as the needle localized biopsy when they had to leave me in the machine to insert a needle and then check to make sure they got it in the right place… I was probably in the machine 5 to 10 minutes, but it seemed like FOREVER.  So just a regular mammogram is easy.

I am going to try to read some more posts and keep my mind off things.  Worst is I probably won’t hear back from them until Monday or Tuesday.  Oh well, I do have my anxiety meds if I need them.  So, I will stop mumbling for now and go read some more blogs.  Anything to keep my mind busy.

 

Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – honest

Mumbles … Ovarian Cancer Awareness Month

Today is September first… a day of mixed emotions.  This is the start of ovarian cancer awareness month.  I have mentioned before I had and beat breast cancer.  During that time there was an angel on earth who helped me through my chemo treatments.

She helped me through because she had been through chemo twice by that time for ovarian cancer already.  She gave me heads up on what she went through and some of those little things that the doctors just don’t tell you about.  Wigs get HOT in the summer.  The metallic taste in your mouth may be overwhelmed by a certain flavor item, for her it was root beer, me salty potato chips.  And drink or suck on something cold during treatments or you will get canker sores in your mouth (don’t know WHY this works, but it does).

Unfortunately, the cancer came back for her again.  She fought; she fought with an unending raw courage.  I remember the last time I saw her, yellowed skin from jaundice and using a wheelchair due to weakness and fatigue, she was still smiling and cracking jokes.  She refused to let it win.

She died about 2 weeks later.  I barely knew her family, but I was there for the funeral.  She was a beautiful spirit that I feel so fortunate to have known.  That is why every September I try to do what I can to spread awareness.  It can be an ugly disease, but early detection is key.  Please take a minute to recognize the symptoms and read the facts.  For more information I recommend this web site. http://ovarian.org/

Ovarian cancer facts

ovarian cancer facts 2

 

Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) and C. H.❤ – raw

A to Z Challenge – Cancer

#AtoZChallenge 2019 Tenth Anniversary badge

C is for Cancer

I found something… that’s what I told my husband.  Of course I had already found the lump weeks before that.  I kept quiet because I didn’t want to ruin our anniversary and I couldn’t see worrying him if it was nothing to worry about.  But when it went past a mammogram, to an ultrasound, and then a needle biopsy, I wanted, no needed, someone to lean on.

The doctors would call me just hours before I was going to go out of town for the weekend and tell me the results were “worrisome.”  I scheduled an out patient surgery and my journey with breast cancer at just 36 began.

I battled through chemo and radiation.  Lost my hair and wore mostly funky bandannas.  I slept, a LOT.  The fatigue was intense.  Worked through almost all of it.  And discovered some friends that really stepped up to help me.

It was almost a year from discovery to the end of treatments.  But now I can say I am a 16 year survivor.  Grateful for every year I get!

 

Follow my A to Z Challange:

A  B

Mumbles… Happy Third Of July

Happy Independence Day! No, I haven’t lost my mind. July 3rd is Independence Day, well at least it is for me. Today is the anniversary of the diagnosis confirming surgery I had for my breast cancer. I had a outpatient surgery and was back home in time to rest before the firework that night. I did not have the energy to go see them, but I could still hear them from my house. So every year there is usually one of the surrounding towns that has fireworks that I go to on the 3rd to celebrate my freedom from cancer.

As the fireworks burst overhead, I sat in my survivor t-shirt oohing and ahhing with the rest of the town and felt alive. It has now been 15 years since that day of the surgery and I am grateful for every single day I get. I can’t stress enough that everyone (yes men too!) should do self-exams for greater chance of early detection. I found the lump less than 4 months after my yearly check-up… some forms grow fast. Know your body and never be afraid of what you find

I still remember the most shocking thing I heard after my treatments were about done. An acquaintance asked me if I made out my will when I found out. It had never even crossed my mind. I had cancer, but the surgeon removed the tumor and my oncologist and radiologist were going to take care that the cancer would not come back. I never doubted that. And I think that positive outlook really got me through.

So now, on the edge of midnight, my Independence Day ends and the USA’s begins. Let’s all celebrate! Anyone have a lighter for this sparkler?

blur bokeh bright burnt
Photo by john paul tyrone fernandez on Pexels.com

Nothing Special (FOWC)

People have called me
Strong
Brave
Heroic
But I don’t feel
I deserve this kind of praise
No kudos for me
I did what had to be done
I just sat back
And let the doctors do the work
No I am not fearless
Cancer scared me to the core
And still haunts me
From time to time
I am human
And all I know is now
I am still alive

 

I often discussed this with a fellow cancer patient and we agreed we really didn’t DO anything, except follow doctor’s orders.  Sadly she lost her battle to ovarian cancer about 10 years ago.  She is still missed.  I will be approaching 15 years since my breast cancer diagnosis next month and I appreciate every day I get!

Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – kudos

I Hate That Word

The nurse smiled and asked me to pull up my sleeve. I exposed the crook of my elbow and got ready to have my blood drawn for tests. This was all routine I had been assured, but there was still a knot in my stomach I could not shake.

***

I finally was called into the doctor’s office. He looked at me and said a word I will never forget. “I am sorry to say that your test results were worrisome.” Then he told me about the cancer I had. To this day I still cringe when I hear that word.