Silent Hell

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Alone at a table in Village Inn, she began to write while she waited for her food.  Helen was stressed and had to get away from her hectic home life for the day.  She had just grabbed her coat and walked out the door.  Now she was trying to write out the troubling emotions into some poems.

Her food arrived and she set her notebook on the seat next to her.  Her mind was still swirling with thoughts and words.  When only about half of her food gone, she pushed the plate away and moved her notebook back in front of her.

Our lives are hell

Reacting to each other

Never really talking

Why bother

You’re usually drunk

Now I seek hope

With or without you

I must find peace of mind

She seemed pretty satisfied with this.  She dated her notebook page and signed it.  Thinking of a title she wrote Silent Hell above the poem.  Another poem about her chaotic life.  It would really break her heart if she knew this made the hundredth poem, she had written this year and it was barely March.  She set the notebook back out of the way and slid her plate back in front of her and finished her lunch wondering if he even had noticed she was gone.


Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – village

Keep On Kicking

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Thoughts are all around me

I am swimming in the middle

Trying not to go under

Some are obstacles

That I must swim around

Others push me like the tides

And I fight to swim through

But ahead in the distance

I see what looks like shore

There is a welcoming warm light

There are so many thoughts

Can I ever get past them

Or through them to the other side

I turn around and look

At the distance I have traveled

It gives me hope

That maybe I can tread water

And not get lost in the chaos


Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – swim

Taking The Trash Out

What is all this noise

It hurts my ears

What is this ensuing chaos

It ravages my mind

These words you speak

They break my heart

So sweep the disappointments up

Remove all this trash from my sight

It is time to clean house

And get you out of my life

 

Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – trash

Within My Madness

My mind runs in circle

Thoughts bouncing of the walls

Notions hopping around

All creating confusion for me

But if I focus

Concentrate on one thing

My ideas become coherent

And life can slow down

Becoming more manageable

Instead of the chaos within

 

Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – coherent

Mumbles … chaos

I’m at a loss.  My mind is too filled with packing and clean-up thought to come up with anything for silkscreen.  I do have a couple of silkscreen shirts I wear.  I remember taking a class trip to an art studio to learn about the silkscreen process.  But that is where the thoughts stopped.

We have 6 days to get packed here at the apartment and get the house ready to be moved into… we are not going to be ready at the house I know.  Kitchen remodel took longer than expected.  We are still without a light and the floor tiles still sit in boxes.  The new doors and drawers are still waiting to be made.  The shower in the basement still waits for walls.  We do have most of the old furniture out so our stuff can move in.  I am approaching full panic mode!

So, I hope to be able to stay somewhat up to date on my daily prompts, but if I miss one or two please forgive me for my absence.  I will at least try to read posts still as we go through these next few days.  Now I must go and box up the winter clothes and then head over to the house to do some more work there… I am approaching exhaustion.  Wish me luck!

 

Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – silkscreen

Lost At Sea

The storms toss me about
Lost in the darkness
Searching for help
I reach out to you
Hoping you will give me stability
but you are not my anchor
you toss me back into the wind
adrift alone
weathering everything life throws at me
somehow staying afloat
I realize I have to save myself
And I swim for the shore once again

 

Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – anchor

Dear whoever…

To whom it may concern,

I am still here, but not sure why.  I battle depression everyday and today is a bad day.  My boyfriend has a birthday tomorrow and I can’t afford to buy him anything.  I found out my cat is diabetic and need $65 a bag specialty food now.  I have fibromyalgia and am in a painful flare right now.  I am in debt until 10 years past my death.  I am feeling very small under a mountain of problems.  So I write yet again.

I write to relieve some of the stress.  Let some of the pain bleed through the “ink” to soak into a clean fresh page, ultimately to give me a fresh start when I am done.  I feel pointless with my worries.  I have dealt with addicts (alcohol mainly) a lot of my life and I know I have to focus on me because I cannot control them.  Two of them especially … one died from a heart attack and the other from liver failure far to young.

I want to help… that is the codependent in me trying to fix everything.  And with one friend in the hospital and one friend facing jail time I feel I should be able to do SOMETHING to help.  But when I turn to the places that are supposed to help me, I feel very out-of-place.  I never dealt with physical violence with any of the addicts.  Thank God, my husband of 20 years never got behind a steering wheel after drinking.  So many are in real fear for their lives… my problems seem small.

I need to purge and I know this is all coming at top speed in no organized order really.. kind of like my chaotic life.  In Al-anon the first step is realizing our life is unmanageable… I am so there tonight.  Every thought swirling and making me dizzy.  My mind in overdrive trying to find a “free” way to celebrate my boyfriends birthday in a special way.  Trying to pray for money to show up somewhere so I can pay to talk to my friend while he is in jail.  Hoping my other friend comes out the other side of her illness and heads home to her beautiful baby girl.  Oh wait… there is also the friend who has stage 4 cancer… with treatment she may have years but without only months.

So my mind is revving up, racing thoughts take turns on the track, as that damn hamster keeps squeaking on the wheel running on forever with my thoughts.  If I could just silence my head a bit.  If I could find calm.  If I could SLEEP.  If is a rotten word…

So to those of you who are reading this ramble, thank you!  It is good to know there may be someone out there who notices a small insignificant writer from the Midwest who is just searching for some peace.  Page by page, word by word and letter by letter I can lose some of the tensions.  I feel my heart is not racing as fast.  I am breathing a little more deeply and can feel a chance at sleep.  If I don’t stop not and take it, that fleeting moment may be gone for a couple more hours.  I hope you get some rest too… thanks again for listening. my invisible audience I hope is out there.  Good night!

(((HUGS)))

Leigha

Gale Force Anxiety

thoughts swirl into chaos

the lines are blurred

between right and wrong

good and bad

insane whirlwind tumbles

inside my troubled mind

unsure where to go

who to trust

my brain caught in a tornado

one of unending doubt

afraid of today

terrified of tomorrow

calm wind will never blow

so I grasp to hold on

to ride out the future

to escape the past