Alone at a table in Village Inn, she began to write while she waited for her food. Helen was stressed and had to get away from her hectic home life for the day. She had just grabbed her coat and walked out the door. Now she was trying to write out the troubling emotions into some poems.
Her food arrived and she set her notebook on the seat next to her. Her mind was still swirling with thoughts and words. When only about half of her food gone, she pushed the plate away and moved her notebook back in front of her.
Our lives are hell
Reacting to each other
Never really talking
You’re usually drunk
Now I seek hope
With or without you
I must find peace of mind
She seemed pretty satisfied with this. She dated her notebook page and signed it. Thinking of a title she wrote Silent Hell above the poem. Another poem about her chaotic life. It would really break her heart if she knew this made the hundredth poem, she had written this year and it was barely March. She set the notebook back out of the way and slid her plate back in front of her and finished her lunch wondering if he even had noticed she was gone.
Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – village
I’m at a loss. My mind is too filled with packing and clean-up thought to come up with anything for silkscreen. I do have a couple of silkscreen shirts I wear. I remember taking a class trip to an art studio to learn about the silkscreen process. But that is where the thoughts stopped.
We have 6 days to get packed here at the apartment and get the house ready to be moved into… we are not going to be ready at the house I know. Kitchen remodel took longer than expected. We are still without a light and the floor tiles still sit in boxes. The new doors and drawers are still waiting to be made. The shower in the basement still waits for walls. We do have most of the old furniture out so our stuff can move in. I am approaching full panic mode!
So, I hope to be able to stay somewhat up to date on my daily prompts, but if I miss one or two please forgive me for my absence. I will at least try to read posts still as we go through these next few days. Now I must go and box up the winter clothes and then head over to the house to do some more work there… I am approaching exhaustion. Wish me luck!
Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – silkscreen
The storms toss me about
Lost in the darkness
Searching for help
I reach out to you
Hoping you will give me stability
but you are not my anchor
you toss me back into the wind
weathering everything life throws at me
somehow staying afloat
I realize I have to save myself
And I swim for the shore once again
Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – anchor
I am still here, but not sure why. I battle depression everyday and today is a bad day. My boyfriend has a birthday tomorrow and I can’t afford to buy him anything. I found out my cat is diabetic and need $65 a bag specialty food now. I have fibromyalgia and am in a painful flare right now. I am in debt until 10 years past my death. I am feeling very small under a mountain of problems. So I write yet again.
I write to relieve some of the stress. Let some of the pain bleed through the “ink” to soak into a clean fresh page, ultimately to give me a fresh start when I am done. I feel pointless with my worries. I have dealt with addicts (alcohol mainly) a lot of my life and I know I have to focus on me because I cannot control them. Two of them especially … one died from a heart attack and the other from liver failure far to young.
I want to help… that is the codependent in me trying to fix everything. And with one friend in the hospital and one friend facing jail time I feel I should be able to do SOMETHING to help. But when I turn to the places that are supposed to help me, I feel very out-of-place. I never dealt with physical violence with any of the addicts. Thank God, my husband of 20 years never got behind a steering wheel after drinking. So many are in real fear for their lives… my problems seem small.
I need to purge and I know this is all coming at top speed in no organized order really.. kind of like my chaotic life. In Al-anon the first step is realizing our life is unmanageable… I am so there tonight. Every thought swirling and making me dizzy. My mind in overdrive trying to find a “free” way to celebrate my boyfriends birthday in a special way. Trying to pray for money to show up somewhere so I can pay to talk to my friend while he is in jail. Hoping my other friend comes out the other side of her illness and heads home to her beautiful baby girl. Oh wait… there is also the friend who has stage 4 cancer… with treatment she may have years but without only months.
So my mind is revving up, racing thoughts take turns on the track, as that damn hamster keeps squeaking on the wheel running on forever with my thoughts. If I could just silence my head a bit. If I could find calm. If I could SLEEP. If is a rotten word…
So to those of you who are reading this ramble, thank you! It is good to know there may be someone out there who notices a small insignificant writer from the Midwest who is just searching for some peace. Page by page, word by word and letter by letter I can lose some of the tensions. I feel my heart is not racing as fast. I am breathing a little more deeply and can feel a chance at sleep. If I don’t stop not and take it, that fleeting moment may be gone for a couple more hours. I hope you get some rest too… thanks again for listening. my invisible audience I hope is out there. Good night!