I sit here tonight after another day of working on cleaning out my Dad’s house feeling exhausted. That is one of the biggest problems I have with my health – chronic fatigue. I wish that was all there was, but the fibromyalgia makes me hurt all over, the depression makes me feel all alone and worthless and the anxiety makes me fear going everything. It is an awful mix.
My health has made my life next to impossible some days. I have had extremely dark moments when I want so badly to escape from my life, moment where I could barely get out of bed and panic attacks that made me feel I was having a heart attack. Lately I have struggled with more depression, but between my Dad dying and the continued grey snowy/rainy days we have had it is understandable. But my doctor just tweaked my prescriptions some and we will see if I start feeling better.
I manage some days ok, with my anti-depressants, anti-anxiety pills, pain meds and muscle relaxers. There is not a thing to take that takes away the fatigue. I can sleep 6, 8, 10 hours and still need a nap (or two) during the day. Some days I succumb to that need while other days I fight through it and manage to stay awake.
I write out my pain, despair, and fears when things get tough. I read to distract my mind. I connect with friends to find some worth. I am not healthy, but I am still putting one foot in front of the other and moving forward. That is the only direction to go.
Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – health