Mumbles … Health

I sit here tonight after another day of working on cleaning out my Dad’s house feeling exhausted.  That is one of the biggest problems I have with my health – chronic fatigue.  I wish that was all there was, but the fibromyalgia makes me hurt all over, the depression makes me feel all alone and worthless and the anxiety makes me fear going everything.  It is an awful mix.

My health has made my life next to impossible some days.  I have had extremely dark moments when I want so badly to escape from my life, moment where I could barely get out of bed and panic attacks that made me feel I was having a heart attack.  Lately I have struggled with more depression, but between my Dad dying and the continued grey snowy/rainy days we have had it is understandable.  But my doctor just tweaked my prescriptions some and we will see if I start feeling better.

I manage some days ok, with my anti-depressants, anti-anxiety pills, pain meds and muscle relaxers.  There is not a thing to take that takes away the fatigue.  I can sleep 6, 8, 10 hours and still need a nap (or two) during the day.  Some days I succumb to that need while other days I fight through it and manage to stay awake.

I write out my pain, despair, and fears when things get tough.  I read to distract my mind.  I connect with friends to find some worth.  I am not healthy, but I am still putting one foot in front of the other and moving forward.  That is the only direction to go.


Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – health

Happy and Grateful – Day 39

This is February and I am well on my way to attaining a goal I set for myself.  I am trying to post every day with happiness and gratitude that I have encountered that day.  There is always something no matter how small it may seem that we can be grateful for and even just a shared smile can make you happy if only for a moment.  Please try to find those moments for yourself too…  if you’re up to it I would love if you would share them too in the comments or your own blog.  Being aware can really turn a day around!

I am so tired… chronic fatigue is hell some times.  I can sleep long hours and take naps and it still feels like I only got an hour or two of sleep.  It is very frustrating.  But in between my naps today I did get some things accomplished and the biggest one was at my Dad’s with the help of my boyfriend.

Ever since Dad had his hip surgery he has been unable to use the stairs to the basement (no hand rails for support) to make it into the only true shower he has.  We had set up a temporary shower with a hand-held shower head in the bathtub upstairs for him.  Tonight we mounted the hardware on the walls to make it a more permanent arrangement.  I am happy it is done so now I don’t have to keep replacing the Command hooks I have been using.  Now the shower curtain is hung on the wall with real hooks screwed into the wall.  Still doesn’t look real pretty but it keeps the bathroom dry.  I am grateful my boyfriend was able to help me get it done tonight.