Mumbles … limit

There is a limit to everything… and I think I am reaching mine. I originally volunteered for what I thought was a 2 week “job” of staying the nights with my Dad while he recovered from his pneumonia. That was the end of August… now we are more than a week into October.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my Dad and am actually grateful for the time I get with him. But physically and emotionally it is taking a toll on me. The biggest thing is realizing that he may need 24/7 care now, period. I was hoping to get it down to maybe 3 or 4 nights a week he had care givers come into the house and help him, but with the way his memory problems and (lack of) strength still seems to linger I fear he may need more.

My fibromyalgia is practically screaming between the up and down both on the stairs at my Dad’s house and just getting him things. (and the cold damp weather that just wont end… we may finally see sun again on Thusday) My depression is peaking again as well. Possibly brought on by more memories of my Mom (at least a half a dozen times Dad has called me by my Mom’s name) and seeing clearly Dad’s health conditions deteriorate.

It has also taken a toll on my internet time. I am a week behind on writing posts and reading yours too. I can’t remember the last time I did more than glance at my e-mail, my inbox is getting quite full. And time to relax and play a game… HA! Although I do get to take a break every now and then for some Words With Friends. But a lot of the time my means of communication is through Facebook and blogging… so I am feeling more alone.

The time is up now… my Dad has to see a doctor today. I will save this and get it to my post after the appointment as long as I have time this afternoon. I am limited on minutes now and must make the cross town trip in about 15 minutes. I hope the street lights are in my favor! Have a good week everyone! (((HUGS)))

 

Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – limit

Mumbles … Number

It has been kind of a long week. Well maybe more of a long month, but this last week was trying. I love Dad to pieces but I kind of draw the line at fire. I can’t recall a time in the past when I have seen him smoke so much. Cigarette after cigarette, light after light, dropped cigarette and flame. The number of consecutive cigarettes seems to be climbing and yesterday I had to put out a small “fire” on the blanket he had over his lap… maybe left a golf ball sized hole behind.

I have talked to my sister about this and we both think he needs to stop at night. The trouble is she left it to me to break this news to him. I did try last night when I brought him his new carton of cigarettes and he said it sounded like a good idea, but 2am rolled around and he was lighting one up again. The offending “fire” came from a cigarette lit when he wasn’t fully awake yet and dozed off in his chair again. I can only watch him so close and he starts to feel like I am staring at him. I know this is a long shot, but I really don’t want to die in a fire. I don’t want him to die in a fire. I don’t want a fire at all… unless it is in a grill and we have steaks on!

Something has to give. The number of cigarettes has to come down at least cutting out the night ones. At 82 I think he knows the facts well enough about the damages the cigarettes can cause (and he has COPD), but he also has to realize he is shaky now and the cigarettes do fall out of his hands. I really would prefer he just went back to smoking his pipe again… at least that smelled nice. But he needs a little bit of his own freedom to decide. In the meantime I will keep the fire extinguisher handy and sniff for smoke every so often.

 

Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – number

Mumbles… home care

I am taking a minute or two to write down a few thoughts and feelings but thought I would start with a Mumble. My Dad made it home after a full week in the hospital. His pneumonia is cleared up but he is still having some issues with confusion and memory. So he was sent home only with the understanding that someone would be there 24/7 for a couple of weeks. I take the over-night shift and we use a home care service for the other 12 hours of the day. Not a nursing staff, just someone to help out with trying to keep him mobile off and on throughout the day, meals and keeping an eye out for further confusion issues. This is only day two so there has not been much improvement yet. He just asked me yesterday if my younger self had been there a minute ago…. that is kind of impossible. I so hate the thought of him getting dementia or Alzheimer’s disease, it was hard watching my Mother-in-law going through it I don’t know if I have the strength to do it again.

I am slowly trying to get back to my reading and writing. I have seven daily prompts to do and LOTS of reading to catch up on. Dad however does not have Wi-Fi so I am limited to daytime activity. I am so used to doing Word Press at night I am not sure the muses will accommodate my daytime words. LOL So bear with me… I will get to those old post and eventually the new ones. I didn’t want you all to think I ran away. Have a good day/night… (((HUGS)))

Mumbles … Being

I have just gone through the motions of being… it has been a long week. My week started out with 6 appointments planned for the week for both me and my dad. Then Dad went to the ER early Wednesday morning. He was having lots of trouble breathing. My sister called me and I got ready and out the door before 6am. He had pneumonia and lots of problems with edema and fluid around the heart. The pneumonia has cleared up on his x-ray. But his is having lots of confusion. It really scares me… my Mother-in-law had Alzheimer’s and the way Dad is acting reminds me of that. I talked to the nurse about it tonight. She paged the doctor and he finally got back to her and said he wasn’t too concerned about it. I really dislike my Dad’s doctor… he is an ok guy, but I think he has a lot of flaws as a doctor, but I can’t convince Dad to go to a new doctor.

So I’ve spent a lot of time at the hospital the last few days and have gotten so far behind on reading posts and my daily prompts. I may read through some tonight yet but I am so tired, physically and emotionally. I am just barely being.

 

Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – being

Mumbles … Autographs

Today’s word prompt is wise. It takes me back to my childhood. When I was in 5th or 6th grade it was popular to have autograph books. Living in the middle of Iowa however meant not many famous signatures. So like a high school yearbook I had my friends, family and teachers sign it.

I ended up with a German language entry from my grandfather, a joke from my gym teacher, a request to speak up (I told you I was quiet and would mumble as a kid) from a friend, just to name a few. The one that stood out and I recall to this day was a word “puzzle” from a student teacher we had at the time.

YY U R
YY UL B
I C U R
YY 4 ME

Any ideas what she was saying? She wouldn’t answer what it was at first, said I needed to study it and try to figure it out. I tried. I tried again. I asked family members for help. You must remember this was before the days of texting and LOL, ILY, and BRB; so one letter abbreviations were still a few years away. I am going to challenge you to try to figure it out. I will eventually give you an answer as she finally did for me. Give me your guesses and have a little fun with this.

I did eventually move to an autograph book that had some famous people sign. I took it with me to Nashville in high school and got a few singers to sign it. It was great fun getting those signatures! We were there for Fan Fair (where artists gathered at the fairgrounds to meet with fans, promote new albums and perform) and I took advantage of the signature chances. Did you ever gather autographs? What is one signature you would love to have?

On a side note, I am back home as Dad’s shoulder has improved. So I am slowly but surely getting to posts. I have this pesky thing called sleep that keeps interfering with my night time writing… I guess I really wore myself out this week. So I am trying to tackle a lot of WordPress this afternoon… wish me luck! Have a wonderful day/night!

 

Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – wise

Mumbles… nurse

I am having very limited access to WordPress right now.  I am staying with my Dad as he woke up Sunday morning with incredible pain when he tried to use his left arm.  After a trip to the ER and a follow-up visit with the doctor, he has a sling and is using ice for what is likely bursitis… still waiting to hear from the doctor on the x-rays for sure.  So I am helping him around the house and getting him meals.  It is better than it was but still a problem.  Hopefully this will be the last night staying here.  Then I will just pop in a couple of times a day.  I love my Dad but my body is screaming at me to take it easy soon.  I am not too comfortable in a nurses cap.  LOL

With my limited data I can only read so much on my phone and his computer is not like home.  (I miss my laptop!)  I am however trying to get through some as I can.  I am sadly behind on my daily posts but I am still writing in my notebook to keep the muses happy.

I do appreciate all of you who stick with me day after day and am sorry I am letting you down right now.  Life still happens even when there are plans already made… how insensitive of life, huh?  Be patient a little while longer I will get to all your posts and begin posting again.  Thanks for your understanding!

The Photograph

The old photograph was faded and torn

And she held it like it was as fragile as glass

There was a tear in her eyes and sadness in her heart

She drew a heavy sigh and whispered his name

He had been taken from her far too early in life

And all she could do was dream of what could have been

At this time of the year she really missed him

Remembering his laugh and the way he would tell a story

Never would he make her laugh again

Never would he walk her down the aisle at her wedding

Never would he be the man who hung the moon in her childhood ever again

She gently placed the photograph on the table and whispered,

“Happy birthday Dad.”

Happy and Grateful – Days 348 & 349

One of my favorite months is upon us. I love the wonder of the holidays.  How it can light up young and old alike.  The weather is (usually) starting to change the world white and frosty.  And the promise of a new year is just around the corner.  This is the final month of my attempt to find the things that make me happy and grateful every day for a year… I have mixed emotions that it will be ending.  Please join me these last few days and post your happiness and gratitude in the comments or on your own blog.  There is always some good in the day no matter how small.

I am having trouble keeping up these last few days.  I am still a poem behind but hope to get to it yet tonight if the muses are so inclined.  It has been a long day though…

Day 348

Yesterday was a pretty quiet day.  I was happy to spend just a little bit of time with my daughter.  She stopped by to pick up her laundry and we watched one episode of the soap.  We would have visited longer but I had my weekly therapy session.

My boyfriend was pretty worn out after a busy day at work and went to bed early.  I was grateful to have my Christmas cards to keep me busy and my mind off the empty room.

Day 349

Today was a long day.  It started as just a simple blood draw and a check-up at the doctor for my Dad… 5 hours later I finally got him back home from the clinic.  They did x-rays, blood work and a CT scan.  I was grateful everything checked out ok, but all the waiting for tests added up to a lot of time.

Being at the clinic all day I didn’t get lunch and I had not gotten up early enough for breakfast before hand… I was really happy to eat dinner.  It was only burgers, but boy did it taste good after not eating all day.

So now I need to try my hand at “meager” for a poem and get back to work on a letter or two before I fall asleep.  I hope you remember to find your happiness and feel your gratitude.  Have a wonderful night/day!

Happy and Grateful – Days 336 & 337

One of my favorite months is upon us. I love the wonder of the holidays.  How it can light up young and old alike.  The weather is (usually) starting to change the world white and frosty.  And the promise of a new year is just around the corner.  This is the final month of my attempt to find the things that make me happy and grateful every day for a year… I have mixed emotions that it will be ending.  Please join me these last few days and post your happiness and gratitude in the comments or on your own blog.  There is always some good in the day no matter how small.

Here I am playing catch up once again.  It got tired out very fast last night and I was asleep before I knew it.  But it was the first day “after” my cold where I did not nap at all and I went out to get my Dad dinner.  I did a quick drop off in case the germs were still trying to leave me and find their next victim.  But just that little bit of activity really wore me out.  I was grateful to have the energy to go out though.

It was such a little thing but getting a nice hot shower and getting dressed (aside from the standard cold wardrobe of sweats and a t-shirt) actually was the happy point of the day.  It was like I felt human again… insert laughter here.

Today was another pretty good day.  Still not 100% but I had a little bit more energy, a little less coughing.  What really bothers me is that all the while I have been sick, we have had unseasonably warm weather.  Now as I am starting to get back to “normal” we will see temps falling starting tomorrow.  Oh well, it is December after all.

Today I did a little bit more.  Loaded the dishwasher (that is a lot of bending up and down) and took a quick trip to the store for three things my Dad needed.  It was pretty much in and out but I could tell I had more going on today.  I was grateful that errand is done now so tomorrow is currently free.

I was happy to return home to my comfy recliner and watch a movie with my boyfriend.  It was not an Academy Award winner, but it wasn’t a total waste of time either.  Now he has headed off to sleep and I fumble with words to make this readable.  I am not completely free of the “fog” from the cold either.  And let me tell you the word prompt today really threw me… in what I looked up it appears to be a saying from the UK.  I know I had never heard of it before.

Anyway… it is late and the eyelids are getting heavy.  Please remember to find your happiness and feel your gratitude.  I hope you have a wonderful night/day!

Happy and Grateful – Day 312

November brings a chill in the air and the start of the holiday gatherings of family and friends.  I can’t believe I am down to the last two month of my challenge to find happiness and feel gratitude every day.  I hope you join with me in the comments or your own blog in this challenge.  No matter how small there is always a little good in even the worst day.

Today was ok.  I am struggling some tonight.  Thinking of what-ifs and might-have-beens.  Missing my best friend something fierce.  Feeling out of control.  But there was good in the day.  I took my Dad to his coffee group this afternoon and it always makes me happy to see him laughing and talking with his friends.

Tonight I was grateful we had some left-overs we could just heat up to have for dinner and it didn’t require a lot of work.  I was not up to cooking and neither was my boyfriend.  So it was a search through the fridge to find a little of this and a little of that.  It may not have been gourmet, but it was good.

That is about all I have for tonight.  I am going to try to sleep early so tomorrow I can get up and do a little reading in my workbook before I head to my therapist visit for the week.  I hope you remember to find your happiness and feel your gratitude.  Have a good night/day!