Mumbles … Settle

The holidays are here, and I hurt.  This is the first year without my Dad.  My mom has already been gone for more than 9 years.  I miss the old family Christmas’ so much.  This year it was really hard to put up the tree, it was usually Dad’s job.  It just didn’t seem right.

The depression is heavy, and I have tried to “fake it until you make it” but I feel like I am just settling for a half of a holiday.  Growing up he would always take his vacation around Christmas so he would be home with us while school was out.  He not only would decorate the tree, but he did most all of the Christmas decorations.  Decorating reminds me so much of him.

And he never just wrote our names on cards, he had a stylized printing he did that made the letters of our names appear 3D.  It is such a small thing, but I miss it so much.  I made the usual cookies and candies and know there were some he loved I used to make extra of… this year I didn’t and that hurt.

So, I settle for what I have and try to enjoy the festivities.  We have done two of our three celebrations; we will have our last one in January.  Then comes his birthday a week later, followed by the day he died a year ago.  It is going to be a rough start to the New Year.


Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – settle

Happy and Grateful – Day 352

One of my favorite months is upon us. I love the wonder of the holidays.  How it can light up young and old alike.  The weather is (usually) starting to change the world white and frosty.  And the promise of a new year is just around the corner.  This is the final month of my attempt to find the things that make me happy and grateful every day for a year… I have mixed emotions that it will be ending.  Please join me these last few days and post your happiness and gratitude in the comments or on your own blog.  There is always some good in the day no matter how small.

I am going to try to type fast… faster than my pain meds will dissolve and make me sleepy I hope.  Today was a pretty good day.  Got a little shopping done.  Got a little laundry done.  And I finished my last Christmas letter!  I still have a few cards to send out without letters to those I see often, but I hope to finish those tomorrow morning.  So I am grateful I got all that accomplished today in spite of my backache.

Tonight we finished the last little decorating of the tree and putting the garland on the patio railing.  It is not much but it makes it seem a little more cheery.  I am happy to see the decorations sparkle and shine around me.

Ok… speed tying and I am done.  Need to do a scan on my computer and shut it down.  Remember to find your happiness and feel your gratitude.  Have a wonderful night/day!

12 Days of Christmas – Children

picture from the net

This one is from memories and as an observer both.  As a kid I remember my parents capturing my attention with a beautiful Christmas tree, all the pretty cards we would get and display and of course there was the magic of Santa.  Mom always said if you don’t believe you don’t get any presents… I believed with my whole heart!

As I grew up and saw for the first time my cousins wide-eyed expressions at the tree, Gma’s village and the gifts… it really made me appreciate the total wonder kids can have this time of year.  Those decorations are some of the shiniest, prettiest things they have seen in their short lives.

There is nothing quite like watching a kid open gifts.  They for one are very honest and you know if they like it or not instantly.  But the moment they open something they like it is like a new world for them.  A child really into the whole Christmas experience makes the whole day worth while.

Next week I will see a great-nephew open gifts.  He is now three and should be at a great age to watch.  The two nieces are too young for much wonder yet, but next year should be great with all three of them aware of the awe of Christmas.  Do you have young children in your family you are excited to see experience Christmas?

Day 90 – 100 Days of Happiness

This morning started out with a shock.  I awoke to the sound of keys in the lock.  The next thing I knew my daughter had walked in.  It was a nice surprise visit.  She had come to help put decorations on the Christmas tree.  So while she was here we watched a few of the soap episodes off of the DVR and had some laughs.  She did have to leave after an hour or two so she could go to work, but it was sure nice to see her.  Now that the tree is up and decorated my next step is to get those Christmas cards done… as long as I put them in the mail box before midnight on Christmas Eve they are technically  sent before Christmas…. LOL.

Day 89 – 100 Days of Happiness

Hard to believe today is only 2 weeks until Christmas.  Growing up we would start to decorate after Thanksgiving.  We had a big 7 or 8 ft artificial tree that would take us days to decorate.  The lights and ornaments were easy… it was the individual placement of the tinsel one strand at a time draped on one side of the branch all the way around to the other side.  I recall as kids me and my sister would get bored with decorating and Dad would end up doing a majority of it.  I am still not sure how Mom got out of doing much decorating.

Later on when I got married there was a new tradition to follow.  Since my then husband had his birthday on the 11th it was always his family’s way of making his birthday special by putting the tree up and decorating it that day.  We followed that for many years.  Now it is whenever my boyfriend has the day off.  Last year it was hard to get a time to get everyone together.  This year we have the tree up and lights on only waiting on the decorating until my daughter can get here to help.

Once the tree gets up I get a lot more into the spirit.  I now have Christmas music playing while I write this and the lights on the tree flash.  I have decided what to do with my Christmas card and hope to have most of them out by the end of the week.  I like the put letters or at least short notes in most of them.  Nothing better than getting a little good news in a letter instead of another bill showing up in the mail.

So tonight I sit in the wonder of the Christmas spirit… I love this time of year.  Not real wild about the crowds shopping, but the pretty decorations, the giving, the family together, the kids joy… it really is a magical time of year.  Do you have your tree up yet and does it take long to decorate it?