I feel so tired
Fatigue is dragging me down
I feel unwell
Just no energy inside
I feel uncertain
Emotions cloud my mind
I feel broken
My body is going on strike
~~~
If only there was a way
To squash these feelings
To erase the thoughts
To feel normal again
But alas…
I sit in my corner and wait
For the rare and illusive
Good day
*****
Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – squash
Why do you do this
Why do you tell me
Things that aren’t true
(You’re fat)
(You’re ugly)
(You’re weak)
(You’ll never be happy)
(You’ll never succeed)
(You’re a broken failure)
Why do you echo in my head
Nonstop every day
Spewing lies to bring me down
(You’ll never stop me)
(I am in control not you)
(You’re life is rubbish)
I will make you stop
I have power you see
I AM taking control
You will no longer bring me down
I am no longer alone
I have a team to help me
(But you trust no one)
STOP!
I trust me to know the truth
That feelings are not facts
And I have strength and hope
To live my life as I see fit
Without listening to your lies anymore
*****
Written for Fandango’s Flash Fiction Challenge (FFFC) – #185
Today again I needed help
But was afraid to turn to you
Same old story of pain and sadness
Chilled me to the bone
Why should I burden you
With what I can’t control
I fought the day all by myself
As I so often do
Closing off all contact
And let my problems stew
Then when I felt I wasn’t a threat
I finally reached out to you
Your words fit like a warm embrace
They left me with new hope
I never should have doubted you
You really lift me up
Now once again I feel my dreams
Might one day have a chance
*****
Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – embrace
It happened again today
The pain
The fatigue
The guilt
It is hard to make peace with myself
When I seem to always fail
Falling victim to this evil inside me
It eats away at
My energy
My strength
My happiness
Tomorrow I must be “normal”
And the way I feel now
That seems impossible
I fear I
Will frustrate
Will disappoint
Will lose
And those I care about
Will again think less of me
All because I am too tired to do anything today
*****
Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – fail
It is happening again
I feel the darkness sink in
Everything is murky
Out of focus
And so far out of reach
Then the air starts to leave me
I can’t take a breath
The water will drown me
It feels like impending death
One last time I burst upwards
Towards the light of hope
Reaching for your hand
Hoping you can find me
In this sea of fears
Where I feel myself
Drowning too often
Hoping your hand will guide me
Towards the comfort of shore
And your waiting friendship
Where I don’t feel so alone anymore
****
Written for Sadje’s prompt What Do You See (WDYS) #147
“Let us not look back in anger, nor forward in fear, but around in awareness.”
James Thurber
I saw a post once that said dwelling in the past was depression and always looking ahead was anxiety but enjoying the moment brought peace. Having both I can see the correlation. Take the time to be in the now and find all the good it has to give.
Past letters …
He stands at a distance
Lots of space between you
But he might as well have been
Close enough to touch you
Because you felt the sting
Of a verbal belt to the skin
His words like hot fire
Burning deep within
He probably doesn’t even know
How sharp the words were
Retreating into the night
You just mumble yes sir
So you stay in the shadows
and treat your wounded pride
with a bit of self healing
and your time you do bide
when you begin to feel safe
and can walk tall again
you will be out of the glare
of his wicked loathsome grin
Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – belt
As the day wears out
And night does shroud the sky
She sits in her father’s chair
And softly starts to cry
Remembering the life he led
The excitement and the dangers
His service to his country and his city
His kindness to many strangers
He was really well respected
And was liked in many towns
But the darkness makes her maudlin
And the emptiness brings her down
Left behind with only memories
Echoes of laughter from the past
She hopes for some relief
But it never seems to last
Just a longing of a special time
Before both her parents were gone
Now she suffers alone each night
And the pain just lingers on
Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – maudlin
She heard the word
Alone
And she was instantly on guard
Why should she care
If she had someone to call her own
Or if she lived alone
Was it really so bad
To spend time with herself
But she had lived
A lot of years with someone
Her parents, husband and daughter
And the quiet was suffocating her now
Left in that silent void
She had never felt so alone and scared
But she was trying
There were less tears now
And more acceptance
If she could just get past
The feeling she would forever be alone
Maybe she could find a friend in herself
Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – instant
I feel I am no longer whole
Just a shadow of myself
Broken and worthless
Pieces that are jammed together
But don’t really fit
Like a jigsaw puzzle gone wrong
My body is defying me
And it seems out of control
Every day something new
And it is maddening
Frightening
And sad
A new doctor ahead
A little bit of hope
Maybe a new treatment
Maybe a little bit of me returns
Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – whole
Leigha Robbins 