A picture, some words and a bit of harsh reality
If I had one wish
I would want this…
To be comfortable
In my own skin
Take the pain away
Take away the fears
Leave anxiety behind
And shake the depression
No more casting doubt
And shadows upon myself
Living with hope
And not inward hate
A chance to stop
Always blaming me
For maybe just this once
I could be happy
Being me
Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – comfortable
Will you continue to be my friend…
When I forget to call
When I miss your birthday
When I can’t come to dinner
Will you continue to be my friend…
When I have a panic attack at your house
When I cry over the phone
When I reach out in desperation
Will you continue to be my friend…
When I can’t leave my house anymore
When I anxiety makes me physically ill
When I stay in bed for weeks from depression
Will you continue to be my friend?
Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – continue
The sun sets and darkness spreads
Creeping into the corners of my mind
Loneliness begins to seep into my thoughts
As the pain of the day settles in my bones
My demons begin to awaken
It’s an all too often occurrence
As the waking nightmare is real
Nowhere to escape the agony
That fills my being
Both body and soul
I am alone and hurting
The only thing that gives me some release
Is putting pen to paper
Slowly scratching out the aching
With words of healing and happiness
Beginning the therapeutic recovery
If only for a moment or two of peace
It is restorative enough
That I can escape into brief sleep
Long enough to greet the sunrise of a new day
Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – nightmare
The Encarta Dictionary defines inertia as “apathy, inability or unwillingness to move or act…” I can relate to that. My depression has kept me pretty quiet and “out of the loop” the last week or so. I have certainly had the unwillingness to do much of anything. Even reading has seemed like an unreachable goal, and now I am 2 to 3 days behind which makes the possibility of catching up even more unsurmountable.
Depression takes the fun out of anything and everything. It drains energy and leaves me feeling alone and useless. It has been a challenging to just do daily tasks, something more like harnessing my creative muses seems impossible. But I made it through the last of the Word Press prompts and this is my feeble attempt at writing for the new daily prompt from Fandango (Fandango’s One Word Challenge or FOWC). I do hope you take a look at his challenge and join in.
In the meantime I am finally moving forward some and concentrating on making it though this wave of depression. I have the support of my doctors, family and friends that I cling to at these times. I hope you forgive me for not keeping up like I should. I promise to read all posts and complete the prompt challenges as my energy levels will allow. Thanks for being patient with me.
The pain is real
It burns through my body
The tightness in my chest
Takes away my breath
There is a lump in my throat
That I just can’t swallow
And yet somehow I feel broken
Because the tears won’t fall
…it feels worse than actually crying
It had been my assumption
That I was ok,
But with a closer look
I found I was fooling myself.
Wearing a mask again
And struggling to get through,
Alone surrounded by people
And isolated by my depression.
I am back where it began
And blaming myself again.
If I scream out would anyone hear?
Is there anyone who would even care?
I made a wish
To change my life
To take who I am
And make a new me
The list of changes
Was a long one
From being fat
To being thin
From being shy
To being assertive
From being anxious
To being calm
From being depressed
To being happy
And on and on
But I realized too late
With all those changes
I lost my true self
Instead of embracing me
I chose a stranger
