A picture, some words and a bit of harsh reality
If I get up and leave
Will anyone notice
The people around me
Are in their own little world.
I could just slip out
Through the back door
No one would notice
I just don’t matter anymore.
Take a walk in the night
Being sure I’m not noticed
I will disappear into thin air
Just a shadow you can’t really see.
If I were to vanish
Cease to exist
Become one with the wind
Would anyone notice.
Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – anyone
My reserve energy is spent
I want to curl up in a ball
To ignore the deep pain
Shut out the world
And settle into my loneliness
Because no one notices anyway
And I’m so tired of being used
So goodbye for the rest of the day
I locked myself inside of
The consuming solitude
Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – reserve
Excuse me please
May I borrow your courage
Mine seems to be gone
Along with my self-worth
May I take your confidence
And hold it through tomorrow
To give me strength
To face another day
May I have your love
So I am not so alone
When the world
All walks away
Above all else
Will you meet me
With understanding
When life makes me this way
Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – borrow
It is that time of the week to reach back into the archives and find an old post and try and give it new life. This one was very early on in my blogging. It was just a stream of consciousness blog and I was having a rough night…
Depression sucks! In the midst of many life stresses, I am feeling the symptoms of all I endure…. depression, anxiety and fibromyalgia. I am aching from head to toe, feel my thoughts swirling like a tornado in my mind, and jumping at every little sound. I sit alone with my laptop and try to chase the feeling of doom with a little music. Try to pass the time with a mindless game. Try to slow the thoughts down with relaxation techniques. None of this is working today. The craving for comfort food (especially some sweets) keeps drawing me to the kitchen, only to find nothing to satisfy and calm me. I hover over my cell phone trying to decide if I should burden anyone with my pain and terror today, only deciding it would change nothing and only make me look even less “normal” than I already do. So I turn to a blank screen and the keyboard. I write a couple of poems to get some of the chaos out. Then talk to you… my invisible audience that I hope exists. I let off some of the pressure I feel pinned down by with each word I type. It is far from a cure. It will not stop the pain. But to write helps distract me in some ways. A deep focus on how the sentence will flow, or to find the right block of words to convey what I am dealing with. The words are not completely right, but they are close enough to slow the flood. I hold onto a dream that maybe these words are what someone else may need to see someday to know they are not alone. Today, at this moment, they are the words that I need to write for my own peace of mind. In short, depression sucks!
Revisited for Fandango’s Friday Flashback September 6
I sit in the dark
Watching the shadows grow
The slightest sound
Turns into encroaching terror
The cat jumps off the desk
And I know he senses the doom too
He is running to escape it
Leaving me in the swirling chaos
My breath sounds too loud
And my racing heartbeat echoes
The dim light of the streetlight
Shows the way for demons to follow
Leading them to my soul
To destroy me from within
In a surreal waking nightmare
Unable to escape their reach
They pull me into the shadows
Never to be the same
Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – surreal
The darkness consumes
The fading light
Voices begin to whisper
Insults to me
Shadows creep within
My heart and mind
I feel trapped inside
With no chance of escape
The world a dangerous place
But alone with myself
Even more deadly
*Remember you are never truly alone but if you find yourself in a dark place like this, world wide there are hotlines you can call when in crisis. Here are a couple from the US.
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255
Crisis Text Line – text HOME to 741741
Veterans Crisis Text Line – text to 838255
Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – escape
I stare ahead
Fish swimming
Inside the aquarium
Not looking elsewhere
Afraid the others
Will judge and wonder
What I am doing here
At the psychiatrist’s office
I am getting better
Not so afraid
Of who I am
…
I am disabled
Frozen by anxiety
Saddened by depression
Pained by fibromyalgia
But inside I am still
me
Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – aquarium
