Nothing To Notice

If I get up and leave

Will anyone notice

The people around me

Are in their own little world.

I could just slip out

Through the back door

No one would notice

I just don’t matter anymore.

Take a walk in the night

Being sure I’m not noticed

I will disappear into thin air

Just a shadow you can’t really see.

If I were to vanish

Cease to exist

Become one with the wind

Would anyone notice.

 

Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – anyone

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No Sound But My Tears

My reserve energy is spent

I want to curl up in a ball

To ignore the deep pain

Shut out the world

And settle into my loneliness

Because no one notices anyway

And I’m so tired of being used

So goodbye for the rest of the day

I locked myself inside of

The consuming solitude

 

Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – reserve

Understand Me

Excuse me please

May I borrow your courage

Mine seems to be gone

Along with my self-worth

May I take your confidence

And hold it through tomorrow

To give me strength

To face another day

May I have your love

So I am not so alone

When the world

All walks away

Above all else

Will you meet me

With understanding

When life makes me this way

 

Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – borrow

Fandango’s Friday Flashback – September 6

It is that time of the week to reach back into the archives and find an old post and try and give it new life.  This one was very early on in my blogging.  It was just a stream of consciousness blog and I was having a rough night…

The Search for Help… One Word at a Time

Depression sucks!  In the midst of many life stresses, I am feeling the symptoms of all I endure…. depression, anxiety and fibromyalgia.  I am aching from head to toe, feel my thoughts swirling like a tornado in my mind, and jumping at every little sound.  I sit alone with my laptop and try to chase the feeling of doom with a little music.  Try to pass the time with a mindless game.  Try to slow the thoughts down with relaxation techniques.  None of this is working today.  The craving for comfort food (especially some sweets) keeps drawing me to the kitchen, only to find nothing to satisfy and calm me.  I hover over my cell phone trying to decide if I should burden anyone with my pain and terror today, only deciding it would change nothing and only make me look even less “normal” than I already do.  So I turn to a blank screen and the keyboard.  I write a couple of poems to get some of the chaos out.  Then talk to you… my invisible audience that I hope exists.  I let off some of the pressure I feel pinned down by with each word I type.  It is far from a cure.  It will not stop the pain.  But to write helps distract me in some ways.  A deep focus on how the sentence will flow, or to find the right block of words to convey what I am dealing with.  The words are not completely right, but they are close enough to slow the flood.  I hold onto a dream that maybe these words are what someone else may need to see someday to know they are not alone.  Today, at this moment, they are the words that I need to write for my own peace of mind.  In short, depression sucks!

 

Revisited for Fandango’s Friday Flashback September 6

From Within

I sit in the dark

Watching the shadows grow

The slightest sound

Turns into encroaching terror

The cat jumps off the desk

And I know he senses the doom too

He is running to escape it

Leaving me in the swirling chaos

My breath sounds too loud

And my racing heartbeat echoes

The dim light of the streetlight

Shows the way for demons to follow

Leading them to my soul

To destroy me from within

In a surreal waking nightmare

Unable to escape their reach

They pull me into the shadows

Never to be the same

 

Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – surreal

 

 

“You’re Nothing”

The darkness consumes

The fading light

Voices begin to whisper

Insults to me

Shadows creep within

My heart and mind

I feel trapped inside

With no chance of escape

The world a dangerous place

But alone with myself

Even more deadly

 

*Remember you are never truly alone but if you find yourself in a dark place like this, world wide there are hotlines you can call when in crisis.   Here are a couple from the US.

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255

Crisis Text Line – text HOME to 741741

Veterans Crisis Text Line – text to 838255

 

 

Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – escape

Look Straight Ahead

I stare ahead

Fish swimming

Inside the aquarium

Not looking elsewhere

Afraid the others

Will judge and wonder

What I am doing here

At the psychiatrist’s office

I am getting better

Not so afraid

Of who I am

I am disabled

Frozen by anxiety

Saddened by depression

Pained by fibromyalgia

But inside I am still

me

 

Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – aquarium