My life has been
A series of disappointments
Many at my own hand
As a kid I was shy
And just got by in school
I never had the courage
To stand up for myself
I thought I was lucky in love
But alcoholism ruined
My happily ever after
My latest blunder
Involves a large dish of ice cream
I can’t lose this weight
If I keep stress eating
So often I see myself
As the problem in the equation
Sometimes I just wonder
Am I worth the space I take up
Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – series
Look in the mirror
What do I see
It is an aberration
Nobody worthy of love
A twisted version
Of an acceptable human
Sick
Ugly
Discarded
Me
Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – aberration
The streets are not paved in gold
Diamonds don’t fall from above
Peace does not leave everyone smiling
This is no utopia
This is real life
And it hurts
It angers
It hates
It discriminates
It drives out happiness
It has left me in the shadows
Alone and filled with depression
I feel I will never be able to defeat
Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – utopia
She looks in the mirror
And dislikes what she sees
But there once was a day
Not so long ago
Her inner dialog
Would have been all
Hate and vitriol towards herself
Now she may not be happy
But she no longer hates
Instead she is true to her feelings
And knows it is not
Her goal in life to please others
She only has to please herself
And if she has a bad day
It is okay
She is not perfect
But she loves what she has accomplished
And each day is a new chance
To improve little by little
Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – vitriol
I write when I am happy
I write when I am hurt
I pour out my feelings in words
To make the day complete
There are days though
When I feel someone else take over
And the words spew forth
Full of anger, pain and hate
I study the words and wonder
Thinking I couldn’t possibly feel like that
But there are the words
Written right in front of me
Today I hated myself
And tomorrow I fear the same
If I can’t slow down
This awful pain
Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – study
I don’t want to smile
But I do
I don’t have it in me to laugh
But I do
I don’t feel like sunshine today
But there is not a cloud in the sky
I do try to stay positive
But I can’t
I do practice staying calm
But I can’t
I do take all my medication
But still I am not well
I don’t want to cry
But I do
I don’t want to ache
But I do
I don’t want to bring everyone down
But my depression is intense
I do what I can to be happy
But I can’t
I do try lean on others
But I can’t
I do everything I can think of to be normal
But my illness always has other plans
Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – laugh
I wonder what the words will be
Spoken for my eulogy
Will there be happy memories shared
Or talk of my pain and despair
Day by day I feel the pull
Of the darkness’s evil lull
and wonder if there is any hope
to find a way that I can cope
I want a life of smiles again
Not hours of pain within
I know you can die of a broken heart
But what about a mind coming apart
Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – eulogy
Introspective… a look inside myself
It should be good to reflect
On what I am all about
But instead my depression
Leaves me feeling negative
And finding all my faults
The demons all come out
Taunting me to find
One shred of someone decent
Others would like to know
But often I come up empty
And I still sit alone
Believing I’m not worth it
Not worth anything at all
Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – introspective
I want to thrive
But I barely survive
I wish and hope
And barely cope
Moments of happiness
Compete with sadness
I feel so alone
In pain I moan
The nights are long
My thoughts all wrong
Maybe by mornings light
I will find some inner fight
Until I find some bliss
Living life I will miss
As I hide away in fear
I wipe away another tear
Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – survive
I can’t do it anymore
Force the smile
When inside I cry
I was so hurt
When you left me
And things spiraled
Out of control
I have lost others
From my life
And a big piece
Of who I am
I have to finish
This deception
And no longer
Turn away from
The pain I feel
Let the tears flow
And embrace the pain
If I ever want to
Be whole again
Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – finish
