In A Bad Place

I want to make one thing clear

I want to live

But I have these thoughts

They are dark and scary

They call to me

Late at night

When I am alone

They say things

I know are not true

But I get taken in by their voices

The danger is of no concern

The escape sounds so good

A chance to stop the pain

The sadness

The fear

I fight many nights with my thoughts

but I am afraid one night

the voices may win

and I will escape quietly into the darkness

and no one will notice or care

 

Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – clear

A Moment Of Your Time Please

She was fraught with worry
She always was
Her mom had been that way too
If it could go wrong
She would have thought of it
And over analyzed it
For weeks before hand

He was wild and carefree
Never afraid it seemed
Confident to a fault
In an almost cocky way
A bad boy in trouble
Who needed a friend
And he looked her way

She didn’t know what hit her
She should have been warned
By her unwavering fear
That torment would be here soon
She loved him without end
Though he was just a friend
And he broke her heart again and again

There came a day
When she had so much to say
But he couldn’t be bothered
He brushed her off
Like an annoying fly
If only he had known
How deep her pain was inside

She was put to rest today
A quiet memorial with few there
But he stood in the back
No longer confident
Visibly shaken by the loss
If only she’d demanded his attention
Maybe he could have saved her in time

 

Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – fraught

Mumbles … Ruler

I tried to think of a story to write… it came out like Sleeping Beauty.  I tried to write a poem.  It just sounded lame.  I am having a rough night fighting my depression and no words seem right.  I am not really thinking clearly.  So I struggle with what to write and senseless babbling seems to be the winner again.

I never had the teachers who would wrap you knuckles with a ruler.  I have never met the ruler of any nation.  I occasionally use a ruler to draw a straight line though.  And that is about all I can say about rulers.

I hope you all don’t mind such a short post.  I have my first pool therapy in the morning, so I need to get some sleep.  Maybe words of wisdom will hit me tomorrow.  I can only hope!

 

Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – ruler

Not Me

There was a time

I felt that I carried the whole world

On top of my shoulders

Weighted down with the burden

Trying to hold together a family

Keep a steady job

And monitor an alcoholic

But I have learned

The disease had control

Not me

Not him

 

There were so many years

I felt a failure

Unable to laugh loud enough

Not worth anything

Always doing things wrong

While trying to wear a mask

To hide my pain and depression

But I have learned

The disease has control

Not me

Not my doctors

 

So I accept my limitations

And know it’s not my fault

I am worthy of happiness

I deserve to be loved

And I will do all I can

To trust in the future

For what it will be

I have learned

Life is worth living

For myself

For my family

 

Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – shoulder

Nothing To Notice

If I get up and leave

Will anyone notice

The people around me

Are in their own little world.

I could just slip out

Through the back door

No one would notice

I just don’t matter anymore.

Take a walk in the night

Being sure I’m not noticed

I will disappear into thin air

Just a shadow you can’t really see.

If I were to vanish

Cease to exist

Become one with the wind

Would anyone notice.

 

Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – anyone

No Sound But My Tears

My reserve energy is spent

I want to curl up in a ball

To ignore the deep pain

Shut out the world

And settle into my loneliness

Because no one notices anyway

And I’m so tired of being used

So goodbye for the rest of the day

I locked myself inside of

The consuming solitude

 

Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – reserve

Understand Me

Excuse me please

May I borrow your courage

Mine seems to be gone

Along with my self-worth

May I take your confidence

And hold it through tomorrow

To give me strength

To face another day

May I have your love

So I am not so alone

When the world

All walks away

Above all else

Will you meet me

With understanding

When life makes me this way

 

Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – borrow