I close my eyes and try to calm my life. Since he left I have found it easier to manage the day to day, but there are those every once in a while things that are rough. For the first time in my life I had to unclog a drain with a snake; it was pretty easy, although messy. I had to worry about health insurance. I went from my parent’s policy to his. And I had to find my first place all my own; once again from my parents house to his.
I am aware of a relief from his absence, but down the road there may come a day I am not so sure of being alone. Now it is just a weight that has been lifted. I no longer have to worry about what he is doing and when he will be sober. Not that I could control it anyway. No more broken things in the middle of the night. No more incoherent words. No more worries of when will he get behind the wheel and go buy more.
Two years later I realized I missed him. I should say I missed the man I married. But tragedy had struck. His body had enough of the disease and began to shut down, until the day he was found in his bed, gone from life far too soon. Me left wondering if there was anything I could have done earlier to slow or stop the disease. But I remind myself… I didn’t cause it, can’t control it, and I couldn’t cure it. Unfortunately neither could he.
Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – manage
She stared at the paper and her face showed her disgust. She picked up the phone and dialed a number. When she heard him answer she didn’t waste time with a hello, she yelled, “What the hell happened to an amicable even split? This list of things you want is crazy!”
She listened briefly to him, and then said, “Don’t give me that poor me speech. You know I helped get you through college.”
In a short time, she interrupted him and said, “Fine, then talk to my lawyer!” Then she dropped the phone and stormed out of the room.
Written for Fandango’s One Word Challenge (FOWC) – amicable
Her candor cut to the point
She had been brutally honest
Telling him the truth
He was slowly killing himself
She compared it to
Suicide with a butter knife
Slow and agonizing
He just refused to see it
And would most certainly
Never do anything to fix it
If only he would show signs
That he was trying to get help
She would stay and fight
But watching him fall apart
Was killing her slowly too
And this was how she would
Ultimately save herself and her daughter
With a new freedom
It was too late to save him
He died in less than two years
Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – candor
They say that everyone has a double, a doppelganger if you will, and that was true with him. I first saw a resemblance to Kenny Loggins but as his star rose, everyone compared him to Jim Carrey. I wrote a long story about him…. but as today would have been our 29th anniversary I think I owe him the respect of privacy. No details except he was sick, an alcoholic. I wasn’t strong enough to stay in the end and he wasn’t strong enough to quit. He has been gone more than three years. Although we divorced I still to this day miss that man I married all those years ago, trouble was he “left” long before his health failed. Alcoholism is an ugly disease and it effects so many more people than you realize. My heart has been forever broken by it.