Blame

Photo by Vera Arsic on Pexels.com

Did that really just happen

Did you just speak those words

I can’t believe you would do that

Blame me for our problems

After I have done

Everything you asked

Year after year I did

And you still find me at fault

I am dumbfounded

I throw my hands up

I am tired of this war

I leave you with a clear conscious

Knowing I have done all I could

Your life and your decisions

Are fully on you alone


Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – dumbfounded

He Said She Said

He said I’m going for a walk

She said no, we must talk

While the child is asleep

This pain will not keep

He said she was laughable

She said he was culpable

He said he tried

She said he lied

He said he loved her

She said are you sure

He wanted to stay

She moved away

And standing in the dark                          

A boy and his dog Bark

Alone and so scared

He felt no one cared

They had been in the heat of the moment

And left the child with the torment

That he had been bad

He was incredibly sad

And he cried all night long

For what he thought he’d done wrong

And the husband and wife

Had ruined his life

With the words they had said

When they thought he was in bed


Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – culpable https://fivedotoh.com/2020/07/08/fowc-with-fandango-culpable/

(photo by June from Pexels)

Perfect Family

It sits on the table

Right there

For everyone to see,

The perfect family;

But the frame

Began to tarnish.

It started when he

Picked up a bottle

Instead of turning to her.

He was troubled

By demons inside

That he tried to drown

With a little vodka.

The years proved

To make the situation worse,

Until the day

She left him.

The perfect family

Torn apart.

They just started

To work on

Patching up old wounds,

When she got the news.

He drank himself to death.

And now the perfect family

Is forever lost

Except in the frame.

Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – frame https://fivedotoh.com/2020/06/05/fowc-with-fandango-frame/

Next Chapter

Don’t look over your shoulder

Keep your head held high

Walk into the future

Knowing this is for the best

 

This chapter may be ending

But there are many pages ahead

Your story is far from over

This was all there to learn from

 

So, discard the pain and hurt

Carrying only forward

With pleasant memories

Of how things once were

 

Forgiveness for the wrongs done

Will also heal you too

So, don’t hold onto anger

Always remember the love

 

Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – ending

Life Changes

I close my eyes and try to calm my life.  Since he left I have found it easier to manage the day to day, but there are those every once in a while things that are rough.  For the first time in my life I had to unclog a drain with a snake; it was pretty easy, although messy.  I had to worry about health insurance.  I went from my parent’s policy to his.  And I had to find my first place all my own; once again from my parents house to his.

I am aware of a relief from his absence, but down the road there may come a day I am not so sure of being alone.  Now it is just a weight that has been lifted.  I no longer have to worry about what he is doing and when he will be sober.  Not that I could control it anyway.  No more broken things in the middle of the night.  No more incoherent words.  No more worries of when will he get behind the wheel and go buy more.

***

Two years later I realized I missed him.  I should say I missed the man I married.  But tragedy had struck.  His body had enough of the disease and began to shut down, until the day he was found in his bed, gone from life far too soon.  Me left wondering if there was anything I could have done earlier to slow or stop the disease.  But I remind myself… I didn’t cause it, can’t control it, and I couldn’t cure it.  Unfortunately neither could he.

 

Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – manage

List of Demands

She stared at the paper and her face showed her disgust.  She picked up the phone and dialed a number.  When she heard him answer she didn’t waste time with a hello, she yelled, “What the hell happened to an amicable even split?  This list of things you want is crazy!”

She listened briefly to him, and then said, “Don’t give me that poor me speech.  You know I helped get you through college.”

In a short time, she interrupted him and said, “Fine, then talk to my lawyer!” Then she dropped the phone and stormed out of the room.

 

Written for Fandango’s One Word Challenge (FOWC) – amicable

Please Stop (FOWC)

Her candor cut to the point
She had been brutally honest
Telling him the truth
He was slowly killing himself
She compared it to
Suicide with a butter knife
Slow and agonizing
He just refused to see it
And would most certainly
Never do anything to fix it
If only he would show signs
That he was trying to get help
She would stay and fight
But watching him fall apart
Was killing her slowly too
And this was how she would
Ultimately save herself and her daughter
With a new freedom
It was too late to save him
He died in less than two years

 

Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – candor

Mumbles … 29th Anniversary

They say that everyone has a double, a doppelganger if you will, and that was true with him.  I first saw a resemblance to Kenny Loggins but as his star rose, everyone compared him to Jim Carrey. I wrote a long story about him…. but as today would have been our 29th anniversary I think I owe him the respect of privacy. No details except he was sick, an alcoholic. I wasn’t strong enough to stay in the end and he wasn’t strong enough to quit. He has been gone more than three years. Although we divorced I still to this day miss that man I married all those years ago, trouble was he “left” long before his health failed. Alcoholism is an ugly disease and it effects so many more people than you realize. My heart has been forever broken by it.