Failing Me

I feel I am no longer whole

Just a shadow of myself

Broken and worthless

Pieces that are jammed together

But don’t really fit

Like a jigsaw puzzle gone wrong

My body is defying me

And it seems out of control

Every day something new

And it is maddening

Frightening

And sad

A new doctor ahead

A little bit of hope

Maybe a new treatment

Maybe a little bit of me returns


Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – whole

Smile For The Camera

Jane sat waiting for her daughter.  She was in getting her picture taken and then they would see how the day played out.

“All done now,” a voice rang out breaking Jane’s concentration.  Her daughter stood in front of her with her arm in a sling.  The woman next to her looked toward Jane and said, “Now the doctor will read the x-ray and send results to your primary care doctor.”

Jane smiled and thanked the woman.  Looking to her daughter Jane said, “Let go back to the doctor and see if you can get rid of that sling today!”


Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – x-ray

(100 words)

Are You Feeling Okay?

“Your blood pressure is a little high and your pulse is rapid.  Are you feeling okay?” The nurse stood putting numbers into the computer and glanced back at me.

“I am a little anxious, but nothing that far out of the ordinary,” I said as I sat on the examination table.

“Okay, I will make note of that and the doctor should be in soon.”  The nurse signed off on the computer and left the room.

The doctor entered the room and logged onto the computer.  “How are you feeling Miss Whitmer?”

“I am doing alright, anxiety is a little higher today, but I have had worse.”

“Well the nurse said your pulse was a little rapid, ah yes, here is the number.  It is a little elevated today.  No chest pain or shortness of breath?”

“No, this is as routine a visit as I can do.”

“We will check your pulse again before you leave just to be on the safe side, okay?”

“Works for me.”

And the next thing I knew, I woke up in a hospital bed connected to lots of machines.  I guess my pulse was too rapid.

 

Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – rapid

Mumbles … Doctor

This brought to mind all sorts of songs.  Kiss’s “Doctor Love”, Thompson Twins’ “Doctor Doctor”, Robert Palmer’s “Bad Case of Loving You”, Jackson Browne’s “Doctor My Eyes”… all good songs and I have to include Dr Hook with the music too.  No doubt there are many more with a connection to doctor.

There is always the debate over who played the best doctor in Doctor Who.  Personally, I stick with the first one I really watched and that was David Tennent, but I haven’t seen a bad doctor in the entire series, even back to the old black and white episodes.

We could talk about doctors on TV.  Personally, I keep bouncing back and forth rather or not I would like Dr House to be my doctor.  Yeah, he is a brilliant doctor.  But all the different treatments you have to go through before the diagnosis is complete, no thank you.

pexels-photo-48603.jpeg
Photo by Negative Space on Pexels.com

There are also there are the 7 doctors I see on a fairly regular basis.  Eye doctor, pulmonologist, allergy doctor, psychiatric meds doctor, psychologist, fibro doctor, and of course my primary care doctor.  Phew, that is a lot of doctors.  Luckily the appointments are usually spread out so I don’t have to go to all of them the same month.

And what discussion about doctors would be complete without mentioning the online “doctor” that makes you panic that you have the worst disease possible… Web MD.

Oh what the heck… here is one more doctor song.

Now take two aspirins and call me in the morning. 💊💊

 

Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – doctor

What Ails You

Fever, headache and a cough

I don’t feel well at all

I know it’s more than the flu

So searching I will go

Enter my symptoms

Hit the diagnosis button

And oh my god I knew it

My brain is hemorrhaging

This could be it

Or congestive heart failure

This list goes on and on

… don’t panic

Maybe I should be more specific

Add another symptom or two

Now its surely something horrible

Keep scrolling down

The truth is there somewhere

By later tonight I might die

From a computer diagnosis

Instead of planning my funeral

I guess I will give the doctor a chance

A chance to save me

And give a second opinion

Because even a sliver can look like death

If it is entered right

On a symptom checker

 

Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – symptom

Mumbles … Being

I have just gone through the motions of being… it has been a long week. My week started out with 6 appointments planned for the week for both me and my dad. Then Dad went to the ER early Wednesday morning. He was having lots of trouble breathing. My sister called me and I got ready and out the door before 6am. He had pneumonia and lots of problems with edema and fluid around the heart. The pneumonia has cleared up on his x-ray. But his is having lots of confusion. It really scares me… my Mother-in-law had Alzheimer’s and the way Dad is acting reminds me of that. I talked to the nurse about it tonight. She paged the doctor and he finally got back to her and said he wasn’t too concerned about it. I really dislike my Dad’s doctor… he is an ok guy, but I think he has a lot of flaws as a doctor, but I can’t convince Dad to go to a new doctor.

So I’ve spent a lot of time at the hospital the last few days and have gotten so far behind on reading posts and my daily prompts. I may read through some tonight yet but I am so tired, physically and emotionally. I am just barely being.

 

Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – being

I Hate That Word

The nurse smiled and asked me to pull up my sleeve. I exposed the crook of my elbow and got ready to have my blood drawn for tests. This was all routine I had been assured, but there was still a knot in my stomach I could not shake.

***

I finally was called into the doctor’s office. He looked at me and said a word I will never forget. “I am sorry to say that your test results were worrisome.” Then he told me about the cancer I had. To this day I still cringe when I hear that word.

Mumbles … Not So Typical

The last 24 hours have not been typical. We started with the thunderstorm, that went into rain and fog, and then it transitioned to snow… talk about all types of weather in one day’s time! I had to go to the city for a doctor appointment. But my daughter wanted lunch so we met where she works and she got to drive in the chaos that is Des Moines traffic. I discovered I had the wrong appointment time (1 instead of 1:40) but was able to be worked in early. At the restaurant there was only one serving of the daily special left, so my daughter got that for lunch, and I ordered something else. I went back home and sitting down to my laptop I had started to look at my emails and a new one came through from a local radio station… I won tickets to go see Kansas in concert plus a gift certificate to a local bar/restaurant. So I picked up tickets today after I took my Dad to a doctor’s appointment. Phew!

I am really excited to go to the concert. It has been way too long since I have seen a live show. There is such an energy at a live show from both the performer and the audience that I love! And although I don’t know all of their songs I do like what I have heard of their music… great harmonies. Now I just have to wait until May!

So now I kick back and relax from the stress on all that activity. I have some music playing on my laptop and it is time to get back to reading the posts I am behind on. At least this afternoon has been a little more typical.

I hope you all have a good day/night!  (((HUGS)))

 

Happy and Grateful – Days 359 & 360

One of my favorite months is upon us. I love the wonder of the holidays.  How it can light up young and old alike.  The weather is (usually) starting to change the world white and frosty.  And the promise of a new year is just around the corner.  This is the final month of my attempt to find the things that make me happy and grateful every day for a year… I have mixed emotions that it will be ending.  Please join me these last few days and post your happiness and gratitude in the comments or on your own blog.  There is always some good in the day no matter how small.

So much holiday activity left me really fatigued… forgive me for being a little late again.

Day 359

Christmas was busy.  We packed up the spicy chili that had simmered all night long and went to my boyfriend’s sister’s house to be there for a noon lunch.  I was grateful the roads did not have much snow and ice on them so it was an easy drive there and back.  After a few hours there we returned home to spend the remainder of the afternoon and evening with my daughter.  It was a wonderful holiday.

I handled the day without taking an anti-anxiety pill and was proud of that achievement.  It is always a challenge to balance the good of the day with how all the people will affect me.  I tend to shy away from a lot of conversation and focus in on the joy seen through the eyes of the children.  My boyfriend has two great-nieces who are almost 2 and a 4-year-old great-nephew, watching them was a joy.

One of my challenges of the season is finding that “ideal” gift and we did pretty well this year.  But of course the best thing was spending time with my daughter.  She was not able to stay late as she had to open at work the next morning and I needed to runs some dinner to my Dad’s house anyway.  It was a busy but happy day.

Day 360

This was the day of recovery… but I had to take my Dad to the clinic for a blood draw and an appointment with the dietitian so no rest for me.  Dad had me a little concerned as he forgot the doctor he was seeing and once in the office he confused his cell phone for his blood sugar meter.  Otherwise he seemed fine other than back and leg pain that was worse yesterday.  I was happy the doctor was pleased with how his blood sugar was running.

I did get a chance to put my feet up and relax last night though.  And my boyfriend brought home the belated Christmas present that was not in stock before Christmas.  It is a heated massage mat to use in my recliner for my back.  I am planning on breaking it out when I am done writing to see how it works.  Even if it is just for the heat alone it will soothe my back… I am grateful for that.

I have babbled on far enough now.  I hope to get back on track tonight.  There are just a handful of days left… then a whole new year to explore what ever comes next.  Try to find your happiness and feel your gratitude.  Have a wonderful day/night!

Happy and Grateful – Day 351

One of my favorite months is upon us. I love the wonder of the holidays.  How it can light up young and old alike.  The weather is (usually) starting to change the world white and frosty.  And the promise of a new year is just around the corner.  This is the final month of my attempt to find the things that make me happy and grateful every day for a year… I have mixed emotions that it will be ending.  Please join me these last few days and post your happiness and gratitude in the comments or on your own blog.  There is always some good in the day no matter how small.

AH!!!  Only one week until Christmas Eve… let the feelings of panic begin!  Will I be ready in time?  Will everyone like their gifts?  Will I run out of money before I am done shopping?  I need to breathe and regroup.  I have my lists and my calculator for shopping tomorrow (Monday should be less crowded than this weekend would have been).  My cards are almost done and I only have one more letter to write.  There is only one appointment this week.  I can do this!  …don’t worry, I go through this every year about this time.  That is why I will say I am grateful for my doctor who has taught me to be a little easier on myself this time of year.  If it weren’t for the years of counseling I would be in a state right now.  So thanks doc!

I got a little closer to being caught up on reading all the posts I have missed… I will eventually catch up and read everything.  I laughed a little, was surprised, and even got a lump in my throat.  I am truly happy that I have found so many good writers I can follow.  I may not read as many books as I used to, but I still read a lot of good things here on WordPress.

Ok it is after 2 in the morning already… time to rest my eyes and get some sleep so I can shop ’til I drop tomorrow.  The sad thing is that is what the shopping will probably do to me.  My back is still hurting from my day at the clinic with Dad.  But I try to stay positive and take some joy in the “hunt” for the perfect gift.  Remember to find your happiness and feel your gratitude.  Have a wonderful night/day!