Looking Back

This FOWC was posted back on October 17 but I can’t help but ponder about that day even though I am days late.  It was my 54th birthday.  And a time to reminisce on past years. I recall as a young child anxiously awaiting to blow out not only the candles on my cake but my growth candle.  For those too young to know what that is… it was a candle that was lit each year to burn down to the right age.  So, there was a little anticipation to watch the year melt away.

Being the second child, I don’t recall getting a new bike on my birthday… it was always a hand me down after my sister got a new bike.  But the bike was new to me.  I do recall getting a ukulele one year after my sister had gotten a guitar on her birthday.  There were always clothes and books and either Lego’s or Barbies.  My birthdays were always special.

As an adult we still gathered for celebrations.  We would eat out or order pizza and play games.  It was always nice to get a gift, but now it was more about being together with family.  Ten years ago I had the first birthday without my Mom there, and this is the second without my Dad too.  I worry as the family size shrinks how we may not be able to stay as connected as we were when Mom and Dad were still here.  We gathered together this year, but I wonder about the future.  And with my daughter getting married and talking of having children of her own, will they have their own traditions and not continue with those we have done for years?  It is all a lot to ponder.  What are your fondest memories of your birthdays?


Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – ponder

Mumbles … Scream

I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream!  Ok, so maybe there was no ice cream but there was cake!  I missed posting last night as it was my birthday, and I was fortunate enough to spend it with those I care about.  It started with a few posts on Facebook, I got serenaded on the phone by a dear friend, got special gifts in my Animal Crossing game, had dinner and played cards with my daughter and her fiancé, and then went back to spend the late evening with another friend in Animal Crossing.  It was a wonderful day.  One of the best ones I have had in a while… but I think it was because I only took half of the new med I have been struggling with.

Today it was back to the regular dose and I slept off and on through much of the afternoon.  And I know sleep is not far away tonight as I took my meds earlier for a morning scheduled doctor’s appointment.  I just really hate the way this med makes me feel and it has really done nothing for my anxiety.  Today my boyfriend came to give me some cabbage to chew on while he was putting together a large salad for dinner… I saw his hand and was terrified I was looking at spider legs and freaked out.  Yeah, my anxiety is still alive and well.

So, I have one more week of this shit.  Then I will see my doctor again to discuss my lack of progress, actually I think things have gotten worse.  If there is not a change of some kind I really will scream. BUT in the meantime, I will remember having a good day on Saturday.  After all I finally got the elusive blue rose in my Animal Crossing game! 


Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – scream

(Picture from free image Google search)

From The Ground Down

Photo by Lukas on Pexels.com

I have a lot of people that I admire but I will pick close to home.  My grandparents I admired a lot as I grew up.  I didn’t really comprehend what they had done in their lifetime until I was much older.  They were just teenagers when they married, 16 and 17 I believe.  They got an acre of land and bought a trailer to live in.  When grandpa got out of the service he began to dig.  Well, both of them did actually.  They dug an area up for a basement poured concrete for the foundation and began to build their own house.  They lived in the little trailer with their first born (my dad) and worked on the house.  When the basement was done, they moved from the trailer into the lower level of the house.  As my dad grew old enough to help, they did some beautiful stonework for both the fireplace downstairs and the main floor too.

As a kid grandpa used to get after me and my sister if we bumped into the walls or got toys too close to the woodwork.  They had shutter doors on both entryways into the living room.  Me and my sister liked to play with them too.  Grandpa did not like that either.  It wasn’t until much later that I realized this house was his masterpiece and he was just protecting his artwork.

To dig a basement, to build a house and do so with (eventually) three boys… took a lot of work and patience.  And this was while grandpa worked too.  Eventually grandpa started his own repair and handyman service; I remember he was almost always fixing screens and windows or going to install awnings.  And grandma was his accountant, bookkeeper, receptionist, assistant… she did a lot.

But through all that work they stayed happily married into sixty plus years.  When grandma eventually convinced grandpa to retire, his “job” became fishing and taking grandma on cruises.  They had a lot of fun.  I look back now and wish I hadn’t missed all those years seeing grandpa only as a disciplinarian instead of the craftsman he was.  I learned much earlier all the work grandma did to keep up with the business and care for the cooking and the cleaning.  Later in life they also took in my grandma’s mom and grandma cared for her too.  She was always on the go.

On top of everything else (if that wasn’t enough) they volunteered at their church a lot.  Mowing the grass every week, doing repairs and cleaning.  And weekly they would mow grandpa’s mom’s yard and do her grocery shopping too. 

I have probably typed my longest post, and this only scratches the surface as to why I admire my dad’s parents.  They are greatly missed and still a part of my life, always in my heart.


Written for Fandango’s Dog Days of August (FDDA) #8 – something or someone you admire

Perfect Family

It sits on the table

Right there

For everyone to see,

The perfect family;

But the frame

Began to tarnish.

It started when he

Picked up a bottle

Instead of turning to her.

He was troubled

By demons inside

That he tried to drown

With a little vodka.

The years proved

To make the situation worse,

Until the day

She left him.

The perfect family

Torn apart.

They just started

To work on

Patching up old wounds,

When she got the news.

He drank himself to death.

And now the perfect family

Is forever lost

Except in the frame.

Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – frame https://fivedotoh.com/2020/06/05/fowc-with-fandango-frame/

A to Z Challenge – S

A2Z 2020 logo

The letter S…

I never had a brother growing up but I always wanted one.  On TV big brothers were always standing up for their little sisters, actual big sisters doing this, not so much.  But I can see when she was a teenager she did not want her little sister always tagging along with her and her friends.  Kids grow up and change some though.  Now that mom and dad are both gone; besides my daughter, she is all I have except for one aunt and uncle in Nebraska and a small handful of cousins.

My sister has grown closer to me ever since my cancer diagnosis and the following divorce about 7 years later.  I was the “peace keeper” between her and mom, or at least I tried to be.  They were both alike, stubborn and set in their ways.  Later when I would take care of our dad in his failing health she wanted to put an end to me doing it as she could see the toll it was taking on me.  Caregiving is a physical and emotional draining action.  She was the one who suggested I take at least one night a week off.

Now it is just the two of us.  She is only about 4 blocks away in a house with her boyfriend of 18 years I believe now.  We stay in touch with email and occasionally I still get letters for Dad that I have her look at to make sure I am not throwing away something important.

My sister and I may not be as close as some, but I do love her and I am grateful she is in my life.

Let Love Be Ours

Life had become so hectic

The gym, the store, the volunteer center

Lessons, sports and homework for the kids

The vet, the business trip, the salon

All these things filled our days

We never had time for each other

Now we hear stories of how

Families have come together

Mealtime around the table has returned

Game night is now a thing

Movie watching and show binges

All make the day pass quickly

Yes there are things we miss

But think of how much we have gained

If there is a silver lining to every cloud

Let love be ours

And we remember the togetherness

When we reach the end of this crisis

 

Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – hectic

A to Z Challenge – N

A2Z 2020 logo

The letter N …

It happened back in February.  I received a phone call from my niece.  She was on her way to work and needed a ride due to a stopped train on the railroad tracks: she was going to miss her bus and be late for work.  I left home headed the long way around town to avoid train crossings.  I was one block from the place where she was waiting for me.  I went to turn onto the street when a vehicle came up suddenly and t-boned my car.  It shattered the passenger window, sent me across the intersection, stopping just maybe 2 to 3 feet from hitting a light pole.  The impact was hard enough that the baseball cap I was wearing came off my head and landed in the back seat.

The accident did a lot of damage to my car, it was totaled. I was ok, as was the other driver.  But even to this day I still am so thankful my niece was not in the car with me.  It is frightening to think she could have been hurt if in the car already.

My niece has been like a sister to my daughter.  I spent a lot of time, when she was younger, babysitting her; so she is a second daughter in a way.  I care about her a great deal and that is why I’m grateful my niece was not with me that night.

A to Z Challenge – H

microphotography of orange and blue house miniature on brown snail s back
Photo by Sarah Trummer on Pexels.com

The letter H…

Back in 1920 a house was built.  Around 1962 a newly married couple moved into it.  Their family began to grow, and, in a few years, there were four people living there.  The kids grew up and moved away.  The circle of life touched the family, first with the mother dying and then the father.  If you haven’t guessed, this was my parents that bought the house.  Now that both my parents are gone my sister and I own the house.  She already has a house.  My boyfriend and I were renting an apartment.  My sister suggested I move back home and just give her money for her half of the house.  So, we have been working out the details and payments.  It feels good to be home again, but so empty without Mom and Dad here.  The house, now being 100 years old, needs lots of work and TLC.  It, however, is more than a house.  There are so many memories here.  I am truly grateful to be home.

A to Z Challenge – B

A2Z 2020 logo

The letter B…

My mom and dad always had books they were reading as we were growing up.  And they passed that love of reading onto me and my sister.  I loved to read and read a lot of books to my daughter as she was growing up.  She in turn now is always using her spare time for reading.  I don’t read like I used to.  I was at a place with my vision where with my glasses on I couldn’t see the print, but with my glasses off to read, I couldn’t see at a distance if I looked up for some reason.  So last month I broke down and saw the doctor.  I am now the proud owner of a pair of bifocals.

eyeglasses on opened book beside cup of coffee on table
Photo by Oziel Gómez on Pexels.com

My hope is that I will be able to resume my reading of books now.  I do still have the issues of fibro fog making me forget what I have already read sometimes.  I do read a lot of blogs too.  Any time I read something short or long it can transport me out of my life for a while to live through the characters.  So, if you haven’t guessed yet, my B gratitude is for books!

Not Like the Movies

Harold was staring out the window.  Carol came up and asked, “What are you doing, staring off into space?”

Harold gave her a glance and shrugged his shoulders.  “Mom, I thought things would be different.  I thought we’d have lots of adventures.”

“Honey, we signed up for this and talked about it for many days.  I think you’re mixing up real life with the movies.  We are here to make history as the first family to establish this space station in orbit, not fight aliens and evil forces,” Carol said as she brushed her son’s hair out of his eyes.

 

Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – orbit