fatigue – Leigha Robbins

Warning, This Is Not a Drill

It comes in quietly

Without any warning

All will be well

Then WHAM it hits

This debilitating disease

It’s unrelenting pain

And the chronic fatigue

Strikes any time of day

A flare sends my limping

To the medicine cabinet

I can barely stay awake

And my minds focus

Bounces around in circles

I feel like it’s me against the world

As I struggle to explain

Another appointment to cancel

Because I just can’t move

Or fear I will sleep driving

And loneliness closes in

Twisting my thoughts

Well I am warning you fibro

I will not let you win today

I may surrender to the symptoms

But I will never give up

Living the best life I can

*****

Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – warning

I believe the most important thing about a vacation is to relax and get away. Then explain to me why after a five-day getaway I am just exhausted? I know, I know… did I forget I have a chronic illness? Did I really think a shopping vacation would happen without a lot of pushing through the pain and SLEEP? Oh well, I did have a good time at least.

We were celebrating my niece turning 30 and so a girl’s trip was necessary. We shopped the Mall of America in Minnesota enjoyed an adventure in an escape room, saw sharks and fish of all kinds at the mall’s aquarium, and enjoyed some really good food and drink… Margaritaville was by far my favorite! But one thing in the back of my mind kept bothering me, I was sure I was forgetting something.

Oh, my goodness! I never posted an “I will be away for a bit” post… I am such a scatterbrained! So, I am here tonight to apologize for not giving you a heads up at least. And to tell you I am once again behind and need to try to speed up the catch-up somehow. So, I am letting you all know if I mark like on your blog it will mean just what it says… I liked your post (and I read it). If I have a little time here or there I will comment, but I am really far behind again. I appreciate your forgiveness and patience in all of this. THANKS! And as always (((HUGS)))!

Not the Day Before Please

It happened again today

The pain

The fatigue

The guilt

It is hard to make peace with myself

When I seem to always fail

Falling victim to this evil inside me

It eats away at

My energy

My strength

My happiness

Tomorrow I must be “normal”

And the way I feel now

That seems impossible

I fear I

Will frustrate

Will disappoint

Will lose

And those I care about

Will again think less of me

All because I am too tired to do anything today

*****

Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – fail

Today

Today I slept in

And then took a nap

I didn’t want to

Leave my bed

I didn’t want to

Do much of anything

Today I grew quiet

And withdrew from the world

I didn’t want to

Talk to anyone

I didn’t want to

Go anywhere

Today I focused on

All that is wrong

I didn’t want to

Hear about your joy

I didn’t want to

See any warm and fuzzy movies

Today I was depressed

And I hate where that takes me

I didn’t want to

Stay awake much of the day

I didn’t want to

Focus on anything

Today…

Will eventually get better

in a day or a week

somewhere down the line

there will be hope again

and a glimpse of sunshine

Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – better

Flower Power

Sally was always very tired indeed

She fell asleep while planting a seed

It was for a special flower

That would give her more power

and take care of that overdue need

Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – indeed

Happy and Grateful – Day 357

One of my favorite months is upon us. I love the wonder of the holidays. How it can light up young and old alike. The weather is (usually) starting to change the world white and frosty. And the promise of a new year is just around the corner. This is the final month of my attempt to find the things that make me happy and grateful every day for a year… I have mixed emotions that it will be ending. Please join me these last few days and post your happiness and gratitude in the comments or on your own blog. There is always some good in the day no matter how small.

I am a little late… better late than never, huh? Fatigue caught up with me again… fatigue and depression. I am missing some important people from my life this holiday. I have gone through this more than once, but it doesn’t seem to get any easier. I just have to focus on the good and remember fondly those memories that will never be lost.

Saturday was a day to wrap gifts. My boyfriend was at work so I was able to spread everything out and wrap away. Got through most of it but still have a couple left to do. My back started to bother me quite a bit so I had to return to my recliner to rest a bit and lost my motivation. But I am grateful for all I have accomplished earlier this year than usual.

I did have contact with two dear friends during the day. I got a call from a friend who means the world to me. And then I received a letter from a friend I used to work with years ago and have not seen in quite some time. It always makes me happy to connect with friends.

Well there is still much to do today so I better post this and get on with it. Remember to find your happiness and feel your gratitude. Have a wonderful day/night!

Happy and Grateful – Days 345 & 346

I am playing catch-up this afternoon before I end up 3 days behind. I almost always post my daily prompt poems first but “theory” is giving me troubles… maybe I am using up all my words in all the Christmas letters I am writing and there is nothing left for a poem. LOL

Day 345

Monday was busy. I had to drive out-of-town to see my doctor to get my prescriptions renewed. The powers that be are in negotiations right now as to whether or not that clinic will continue accepting my insurance next year. It may have been one of my last visits with that doctor and that makes me sad. I am so grateful for her and all she has done for me… I hope and pray I will still be able to see her next year.

After our trip out-of-town my boyfriend and I did a little Christmas shopping. We are now done with his side of the family, started on my daughter and have a couple of ideas for my side. It made me happy to get some of that finished.

Day 346

After the stressful drive and shopping I had to have a day of recovery. I was so tired I napped nearly two hours! I almost napped again later in the day too, but managed to stay awake. I was grateful it was an easy day with nothing going on too pressing to get done.

I did however work a little bit more on Christmas cards and letters and took the first batch of 7 cards to the mailbox. I am happy I am making steady progress with them. I just hope I don’t run out of steam and end up sending them out late.

Ok… I have to try to work some more with “theory” and there are more letters to write. I really hope to get back to WordPress tonight and stay on top of my posts… I make no promises though. Remember to find your happiness and feel your gratitude. Have a wonderful night/day!

Happy and Grateful – Day 329

November brings a chill in the air and the start of the holiday gatherings of family and friends. I can’t believe I am down to the last two month of my challenge to find happiness and feel gratitude every day. I hope you join with me in the comments or your own blog in this challenge. No matter how small there is always a little good in even the worst day.

Today was another day of fatigue… only two naps though. And now I am wide awake too late in the night. I have yet to understand why fibro can cause such profound fatigue during the day but still give me trouble sleeping at night. Just one of many mysteries surrounding fibro.

I would have to say my happiness today came from a late night phone call. My daughter called after work tonight and the conversation ended up on food. One thing led to another and she talked me into making her a sandwich she would stop by and eat. It is one my Dad got me hooked on and I passed it down to my daughter. The combination may sound awful but the taste is really quite good. I made her a peanut butter and pickle sandwich. It made me happy to see her for a short while tonight.

My boyfriend made it through his shift at work today ok. But came home pretty wiped out. His fever is gone and he said instead of feeling like a train hit him, it is now only a pickup truck. I am grateful he is feeling a little better and has the next two days off to recover. To be on the safe side I filled up on Vitamin C and had some Echinacea tea today trying to keep it away from me.

I need to try to close my eyes and sleep now. Remember to find your happiness and feel your gratitude. Have a wonderful night/day!

Happy and Grateful – Day 328

I woke up to a blinking cursor… out like a light in the middle of my post last night. Darn fatigue!! So let’s try to back up a few hours and get this done finally. Oops!

It was the infamous Black Friday when hundreds stand in long lines for a chance to save a few dollars on something going on sale hours later. …I have never understood why. There is no sale that will get me out of sleeping and standing in the cold (although this year’s weather was unseasonably warm) at 4am. I have always figured if I was meant to have it then it will be there when I arrive fully rested later in the day. So I do not partake in the insanity that is Black Friday. Most years the sales are on the same things except a few hot item toys and my daughter is well past the toy age. So I was grateful to stay home and away from the crowds.

Actually spent a lot of the day worrying about my boyfriend who I am sure has the flu – body aches, fever and stuffy nose. But there is no excuse on one of the busiest shopping days of the year not to be behind the register. He did manage to make it through most of his shift and management let him leave about and hour and a half early. He came home and just slept and took medicine. I was happy he was able to rest fairly well all night.

Now I must get on with my day instead of sitting here all day I have things I should try to get done. Remember to find your happiness and feel your gratitude. Have a wonderful day/night!

Happy And Grateful – Day 318 & 319

Fatigue got the best of me last night… forgive me for doubling up on my posts. Aside from being exhausted yesterday I had an ok day. I had a doctor’s appointment and that went well. And a decision was finally made on when we would be able to celebrate Thanksgiving with my daughter (as she and my boyfriend both work that day). I was grateful we were able to come up with a time to all gather together.

Yesterday I was happy we had medicine and pain patches in the house. This time not for me, but for my boyfriend. He apparently slept wrong and woke up with a terrible back ache. That way I didn’t have to run to the store to get more for him, as the fatigue level was high all day yesterday.

Today was a day of mostly sun again thankfully. It really brings the day around when it is out. I got a little bit of work done today. Got a load of laundry done, that is always an accomplishment. Did some work on my computer… I think it is all updated and working right now. I was grateful for the energy and clear mind to get that all done.

Tonight I would have to give my happiness to watching a movie. It was on the life of the artist Frida Kahlo… it was very interesting. And it had some great actors in the cast as well.

It is late and morning will come too fast. I need to turn off my mind and relax so I can sleep. Remember to find your happiness and feel your gratitude. Have a wonderful night/day.

	Sadje on Love Receipt
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