Depression Suppression

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I want to thrive

But I barely survive

I wish and hope

And barely cope

Moments of happiness

Compete with sadness

I feel so alone

In pain I moan

The nights are long

My thoughts all wrong

Maybe by mornings light

I will find some inner fight

Until I find some bliss

Living life I will miss

As I hide away in fear

I wipe away another tear


Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – survive

The Pattern of Friendship

I see them there

Perfectly in line

Diamonds after diamonds

Completing the design

I know the pattern well

As a looked at that table

For week after week

Hoping you’d meet me there

 But you never did

I don’t know if you were

Afraid of me

Afraid of us or

Afraid of yourself

But we never met there

And ten years later

I still wonder if you had

Would things have ended differently

Would you still be my friend


Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – design

Shadows Speak Louder

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Whoa, this is a big one.  I have a lot of fears but to narrow it down to my “greatest fear” I would have to say being alone.  Maybe left alone too early when I was younger, with a mile-long list of things not to do, I began to fear it then.  Now It has become a fear of not having anyone to care for me, who will mourn me, or miss me in the slightest.  Since my diagnosis of fibromyalgia, depression and anxiety I have lost 3 people who I thought were good friends of mine.  A fourth has had very little time for me.  And a fifth just communicates when they need something.

Not all of them could be bad people, so it has to be me, right?  I have one beautiful daughter and a VERY BIG case of empty nest syndrome, so she is about all the family I have, and I wonder of my value in her life anymore.

A funeral no one would come to except maybe to laugh at my urn.  Might as well sweep me up with the kitty litter… see what being alone does to me.  Honestly, I know it is none of my business why people do or do not like me, it is not my business what is in their heads.  I do still have four friends I can count on so I am not alone.  It is just hard to not feel that way when I sit alone in a room with only my laptop writing when I can’t sleep.  Some nights the shadows speak louder than I do.


Written for Fandango’s Dog Days Of August (FDDA) #11 – your greatest fear

Summoned

He was menacing.  The head of a fortune 500 company with the demeanor of the devil.  His employees feared him instead of respecting his power.  He was the juggernaut of the company.

On this particular Tuesday, Harold was at his desk minding his own business as he always did when there was a phone call.  He answered it and turned white as a ghost. “Yes sir, I will be there shortly.”  He hung up the phone and grabbed his tablet hurrying to the elevators.  He arrived just as the door opened and waiting inside was the assistant to the CEO.  Not a word was exchanged, no expressions on the assistant’s face, Harold was very much in the dark as to what this summoning meant.

The assistant walked with Harold to the big double door of the CEO’s office and said, “Wait here while I buzz you in.”  He went to his desk and picked up the phone and said, “He is here sir.”  There was a click and the door began to swing open.  Harold nervously took steps into the office.  He swallowed a lump in his throat when he heard the doors latch behind him.  Ready or not he was here.


Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – juggernaut

First Date

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“Well, that was a wonderful dinner Jeff, thanks so much,” Karen said with a slight smile.  “I should probably be headed back home now.  I do have to work in the morning.”

“Karen you are more than welcome.  Please let me take you home, I hate to see this night end.”  Jeff helped Karen into her coat and walked towards the door of the nearly empty restaurant.

“Oh, I don’t want to make you do that I can call an Uber.”

As they stood out on the sidewalk Karen had her phone in her hand.  Jeff reached over to touch her hand and said, “Please Karen?”

“Alright, it has been a nice evening.”

The two of them got into Jeff’s car and he started the car.  As he put the car into gear the door automatically locked, and Karen noticed for the first time there was no handle on her door.  She began to get a queasy feeling.  “Jeff, I live up on Suncrest Blvd, it is about half-way down the block from Third Street.”

Jeff said nothing.  Just kept driving with a serious look on his face.  Karen grew scared, “Which way are you going?”

Suddenly in a much different tone of voice Jeff said, “I know a shortcut.

Karen figured he was driving to the city limits.  She had to think fast there was not much longer until they would be out of an area with any hope to get help.  Starting like a low growl Jeff slowly began to laugh, a very deep sinister laugh.  Karen said, “You can drop me off here please.”

Jeff just laughed louder.  Now was Karen’s chance.  He was laughing so much and slowing for a stop light.  She slowly reached into her purse and removed her hand quickly as she pushed the tab on the can of pepper spray aiming for Jeff’s eyes. He slammed on the breaks and cried out in pain.  She threw the gearshift into park and used the point on the end of the pepper spray canister to break her window.

Karen reached out to grab the door handle outside the car and swung the door open.  She went to jump out but had forgotten her seatbelt.  She fumbled for the latch and just as she was about to jump again headlights came up behind them and Karen felt her biggest swell of hope.

Jeff, recovering from the spray, was gunning the engine trying to go forward.  He realized it was in park just as Karen jumped.  The car took off, slamming into her legs as they had not cleared the door yet.  She fell to the pavement and blacked out.

Three days later she awakened in the hospital.  Much of what she had been through was still hard to remember.  She learned she had badly broken her leg and had a serious concussion.  It turns out the car behind them was a retired police sergeant and he quickly got the license plate information to the police when he called 911.  The police caught up with Jeff in no time and found he had abducted and killed two women in different states.  He would face a lifetime in prison.

Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – shortcut https://fivedotoh.com/2020/05/25/fowc-with-fandango-shortcut/

Shadow

dark darkness loneliness mystery
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Draw a shadow of myself

Outline who I once was

For today is the day

I leave that old life behind

And strike out to be me

 

Trace around the fear and doubt

Circle the inadequacy I feel

I dig deep for inspiration

And pull out all my strength

Time to face my new realities

 

Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – outline

Suspense In The Dark

The lights go dark,

And all the sounds

Are amplified in my mind.

What was that?

Was that the floor creaking?

I jump as I hear

A car door close,

The sound drifting

through the window.

Then there is that noise again.

Is that someone in the house?

I feel my way to the desk

And find the flashlight

Tucked away in the drawer.

The sound comes closer

And I turn on the light.

What is it?

Whose there?

… no one will ever know

As I lay dying on the floor.

 

Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – suspense

So Many Changes

My sister can no longer

Carouse the downtown bars

My daughter has to limit

The customers at her job

My elderly neighbor fears

He will be the first to go

I worry about my asthma

Will it become out of control

The news is constantly on

Governments adding more rules

I wonder about the kids

Will they learn like they did at school

One day we will come out

On the other side

Until then hang on

This virus is a bumpy ride

 

Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – carouse

Memories Strangle Me

The lights are out

Only the dim glow

From my phone

Shines through the night’s blackness

This old house

If full of noise

Even the wind

Creaks and cracks the wood surrounding me

I should feel comfort

I am back at home

This should be safe

But the past had some scary moments I can’t forget

I shake with fright

It is hard to breathe

And I shut my eyes tight

On the memories that continue to haunt my return home

 

Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – scary

Mumbles … derail

Everyone has fears.  Having anxiety issues, I have more than my share of fears.  One is a fear of driving under a train.  I know it sounds pretty lame.  When I was in my teens there was a train that derailed on a bridge and a person on a motorcycle just barely missed getting struck by one of the train cars.  Ever since then I cringe when I go under a train on a bridge.  It even spilled over to wintertime driving and me fearing a semi or even a car, will lose control and crash over the edge of the bridge landing on my car.  I know it is irrational.  I know the odds are in my favor, not the train’s.  I just can’t seem to shake it.  I often literally shiver when I go under the occupied bridge.  I have in the past been known to increase my speed to get past that point quickly.  I have survived 100% of the time.  I have only heard of that one train derail in town.  I still can’t shake the fear.  Do you have any fears, rational or not?

 

Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – derail