Day 29 – 100 Days of Happiness

Today was better… I didn’t lay in bed all day.  I did actually even leave the house.  I still hurt and am not fully out of the flare, but today was better.  I think part of it can be attributed to a message from an acquaintance.

It is really more like a friend of a friend, but the point is she sent me a message and we chatted a bit over the internet today.  I did not feel quite so invisible.  I actually might have felt a little upset over information about our mutual friend, but the point is I felt something.  It was not a mind numbing day.  I felt somehow alive again and maybe even a part of society.

We did not solve any earth shattering problems or anything close to it, but we did exchange pleasantries and small talk.  It was not much but it did bring a small smile to my face and some hope I might be worth someone’s time still.

Remember as you go through your day and you need something to do… maybe send a message to an old friend or someone you don’t know as well.  You might be the lift they were needing to get through their day.  (((HUGS)))

Day 28 – 100 Days of Happiness

Today is not so much direct happiness, but a feeling of accomplishment.  I have been in the midst of a flare with my fibromyalgia and it is really starting to drain a lot of the happiness away.  But no matter how bad I was hurting I got the last two loads of laundry done… something that can be a major victory over the fibro pain.  I may not have done anything else all day, but that “little” accomplishment feels rather big when I have been in pain for days.  Now lets hope I am well enough tomorrow for a quick run to the store for some needed groceries… fingers crossed.

Day 22 – 100 Days of Happiness

Today has been a struggle.  From the friend who has been absent for a week now – in my run away mind I have gone through all the worst case scenarios as to why he is out of contact; to the pain and fatigue my fibromyalgia has left me with today I, am finding it hard to find happiness.

I have thought all day about what to write and keep hearing those negative voices that tell me not to bother, I can’t finish the challenge, I can’t be happy about anything, etc.  But tonight as I was writing something for my therapist to read at the next appointment we have on Thursday it came to me… writing today is my happiness.

To have the chance to write my concerns down and let my head have a rest from them for a little while really helps me loosen the grip on the pain and anguish I feel.  Even if it only lasts a short time, the outlet of writing helps me sort through things in a way nothing else can.

So I want to thank my readers for being there to “listen” to my ramblings… I hopefully will have something a little more upbeat tomorrow.  In the mean time I am off to try a meditation to help me find some sleep.  I hope you know I appreciate each of you taking the time to be my audience.  (((HUGS)))

Day 16 – 100 Days of Happiness

Today started out pretty good, but turned rough in the end.  I had another “fibro fog” morning and forgot to take my morning meds.  Still … I felt good enough to take in another beautiful fall day and walk the short path to my doctor’s office for my weekly session.  Just that little five minutes of fresh air and sunshine made me feel almost normal.  The rest of the day my back began to plague me and I developed a horrible headache.  I still have fibromyalgia and can have the day turn around on me fast, but I try to hold onto the good that was there before hand.  That walk was short (and it no doubt helped fuel my allergies), but I moved and got a dose of sunshine.  That is enough to make me happy for the day.

Day 9

Today I had a break in my fibromyalgia pain and was able to get birthday shopping done for my daughter and niece.  It is often difficult to make it through one store for shopping, but I did actually get to two stores today to complete the shopping.  It felt so good to walk through the store with only minimal pain today.  I found what I was looking for and got what I wanted to get.  A perfect shopping trip… and that has not happened for a while.  So my moment of happiness was a lack of pain and browsing the Halloween displays at Target.  I hope each one of you found at least one spot of happiness in your day.  (((HUGS)))

No Zing

This morning starts with a fizzle instead of a boom.  I have no bounce in my step, no gusto, no oomph, no zing.  With fibromyalgia I get days where the pain tries to dictate my life.  Today is one of those days.  It is day 3 of a flare in my pain, specifically lower back pain.  I had to run a couple of errands last night and just getting in and out of the car was more than challenging.  I decided the 45 minute drive to my doctor today would have to wait for another day.  When I go into town the traffic is so busy I get tense.  Adding tension to the existing pain I know it would set me back even more days.  I am hoping doing my physical therapy exercises and a little TLC I can nurse me back to an easier level of pain.

I think I may have triggered this pain due to stress.  The death of a family member has brought out the worst in some of the family members… too often that happens instead of bringing families together to support each other.  And I am starting my yearly worry mode.  I am a 13 year breast cancer survivor and when I have my yearly checks I always get nervous.  I was a mere 36 when I was diagnosed and with such an early diagnosis my odds for recurrence are a little higher.  And I am the queen of worry.  Add stress and worry and it causes tension, which make the pain worse.

So today I will write, read, listen to some music and take it easy.  I did my exercises to start the day.  I will do the exercises once more today and hope this pain eases up.  With any luck my zing will return soon.  I hope you all put a little zing in your day… (((HUGS)))

A Perfect Miniature World

via Daily Prompt: Miniature

I feel like my babbling fingertips have no destination in mind tonight, no focus, no goal – you have been warned.  All I know is I want to be a part of my great grandmother’s miniature world.  She made these perfect little worlds out of any supplies she could find.  The first work of hers that I saw was a winter wonderland village that she created and gave to my grandmother.  A lot of cardboard, paint, wood and imagination went into her creation.  It was beautiful and every year I would study it in detail when we would visit for Christmas.

In later years she made two different rooms and did use a few store-bought doll house supplies but in her eighties this was still incredible detailed delicate work she did to create the scenes.  I always admired her talents and inspiration.  She could see so many possibilities in what people though of as insignificant scraps.  Her worlds were perfect in my mind.

If I could just be a part of that living room where the woman was sitting in a rocking chair as happy as could be with her magazine pictures on the wall and knitting supplies in a bowl next to her… wouldn’t I be happy then.  Everything decorated just right and kept tidy.  The woman’s face forever with a smile.

My last smile seems days away.  Not enough sleep (nothing out of the ordinary there) and too many problems.  Bills keep rolling in but there is no money when you can’t work.  I have been flaring with my fibromyalgia and hurt a lot.  In that miniature world there is no sickness and pain… maybe only a little dust to disturb the perfect scene.  I know life is not meant to be perfect but, just for a short time at least, can it be as beautiful as a miniature doll house room?  Pretty please?

Beyond Saving

Learning the truth was hard

I never imagined such an outcome

Less than fifty and unable to work

Unable to do so much I loved

Depression has robbed me

Fibromyalgia has assaulted me

Anxiety cuts me in two

Fatigue wrecks my days

The diagnosis of cancer was easier

I fought it and won

This monster has too many heads

The hydra has me down for the count

Not even Hercules can save me now