Shadows Speak Louder

Photo by Bich Tran on Pexels.com

Whoa, this is a big one.  I have a lot of fears but to narrow it down to my “greatest fear” I would have to say being alone.  Maybe left alone too early when I was younger, with a mile-long list of things not to do, I began to fear it then.  Now It has become a fear of not having anyone to care for me, who will mourn me, or miss me in the slightest.  Since my diagnosis of fibromyalgia, depression and anxiety I have lost 3 people who I thought were good friends of mine.  A fourth has had very little time for me.  And a fifth just communicates when they need something.

Not all of them could be bad people, so it has to be me, right?  I have one beautiful daughter and a VERY BIG case of empty nest syndrome, so she is about all the family I have, and I wonder of my value in her life anymore.

A funeral no one would come to except maybe to laugh at my urn.  Might as well sweep me up with the kitty litter… see what being alone does to me.  Honestly, I know it is none of my business why people do or do not like me, it is not my business what is in their heads.  I do still have four friends I can count on so I am not alone.  It is just hard to not feel that way when I sit alone in a room with only my laptop writing when I can’t sleep.  Some nights the shadows speak louder than I do.


Written for Fandango’s Dog Days Of August (FDDA) #11 – your greatest fear

Forgotten

Spaced out

Lost in thoughts

Wishing for you

To remember me

In the zone

Day dreaming

Hoping that I

Will cross your mind

Disappointed

Crushed inside

Another day

Without a word

Devastated

Giving up

Forgotten again

As you live a new life


Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – zone https://fivedotoh.com/2020/07/01/fowc-with-fandango-zone/

Photo by Kat Jayne from Pexels

Sudden Silence

A question is on my mind
Will you take the time to answer it
Do I even really want to know
I debate with myself
Should I ask or let it go
I fear the worst
But keep holding onto hope
I have been puzzled by your actions
There has been such a dramatic change
I used to be a part of your life
Day in and day out
Now I seem to be a distant memory
So I want to know
Do I still matter to you

 

Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – question

My Heart

It sat in the corner
Covered with dust
Back in the shadows
Forgotten about
For too many years
Does it still even work

I reached gently back
Through the cobwebs
To retrieve the object
Wondering of its worth
And rusted condition
Does it still even work

I weigh the options
Of picking it up
And looking for signs of life
Knowing it might be too old
Too battered and worn
Does it still even work

Hesitation aside
I gently grasp it
Felling the faintest of hope
A gentle spark of life
Wondering if this is really love
Does it still even work

 

Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – object

Need To Know

Forgive me for interrupting your day
But I just needed to know
Know that you are still there
And maybe remember who I am
(Once I was your friend)
sympathize with your need for independence
But a part of me still needs
To know if you still care
To know if I still matter in your life
There was a time you told me
I was your whole world
Now I feel like a second class citizen
Stripped of my rights
Only a glancing thought
A shadow of what I once was…

Daydreamer

His voice was loud and sudden

It caused me to jolt back to reality

I was daydreaming again

Wishing for things like

Tenderness, romance and touch

Sincerity, kindness and maturity

Sobriety, awareness and presence of mind

But these days my dreams seem impossible

As he drifts further away

 

He is asking about dinner

And I sigh and answer him

Back to my reality

Where I feel so forgotten…

Please Remember Me

I don’t understand

How you forget me

When I try as hard as I can

And I will never be able

To forget you for a moment

You live daily in my thoughts

Minute by minute in my soul

Second by second in my heart

In all seriousness

Am I just not important to you

Does my love really not matter

Or do

I

Just not matter

At all…