Day 97 – 100 Days of Happiness

I had dinner tonight with two dear friends.  One was a big help to me when I was going through my cancer treatments and the other has been a friend for years from work as well.  It had been far too long since we had gotten together to talk so dinner stretched out more than 3 hours!  We had to catch up on how our families were doing… and let’s just say it has been a bad year.  We decided tonight that 2017 has to be better… murder (of a family pet), suicide attempts, health crisis, alcoholism, etc.  We decided we should write a soap opera based on our lives as things have been so rough it is hard to believe.

But we got out laughter and tears.  Leaned on each other a little and exchanged wishes for a great Christmas and a MUCH better New Year.  We promised to get together more often and stay in touch.  It was a wonderful night with good food and great friends.  …now bring on that better New Year!

Day 88 – 100 Days of Happiness

I almost overslept and missed it… oops!  I have mentioned before I am not much of a morning person.  I woke up when my boyfriend got up this morning to go to work, but I fell back asleep.  I woke up at about 10am and found a message on my phone.  The two friends I was going to meet for lunch at noon wanted to get together earlier if possible because of the snow coming in.  I got ready in less that an hour and slid through the streets to get there in time.  I was only about 15 min late… a norm for me.  LOL

But it was so nice once I got there.  I worked with both of these ladies for many years and don’t get to see them often enough.  One of them was treating all of us to lunch for Christmas.  She is such a sweetie … they both are.  I would be lost without friends to unwind with on occasion.  We talked, laughed, ate too much and drank way too much coffee but it was still fun.  And the bonus… the snow had stopped by the time we were finally done catching up!

Day 83 – 100 Days of Happiness

I have sat here watching the cursor blink off and on for far too long with no clear direction in mind.  There are a lot of little moments of happiness but not any one thing that stands out better than the rest.

  • I took my car to the repair shop to get my door replaced… got a nice little Camry to drive until it is fixed.
  • The snow that fell yesterday all melted away today.
  • I got a book in on hold at the library I have been looking forward to reading
  • I made it to an Al-anon meeting and saw some people I haven’t seen for a while
  • I got a text from a friend I hadn’t heard from in a while
  • Finally made plans with my daughter to get together for lunch this week

All good things, but not one that stands out.  I could even add the adorable smile from a cute little girl at the library who was waiting with her mom when I walked in.  Happiness some days is all around us in small but wonderful doses.

100 Days of Happiness – Thanksgiving

I once more am putting together two days posts, but they are both regarding Thanksgiving so I guess it works that they are together.

Day 71 – This is the day I tested my brain power.  Used that mental list of what is normal to have on Thanksgiving and hit the store to buy a bird and the fixings.  Thankfully my boyfriend gets a discount where he works and we found a lot of what we needed on sale.  I have had some years where we shopped the wrong store or the wrong time and didn’t hit much for sales.  But since we are not having our family dinner until Monday we could wait until the “last-minute sales” and did really good.  Trying to subtract the extras off the receipt I add up the whole meal to only run about $45 to 50 to feed 4 and have leftovers … I love bargain shopping!!

Day 72 – Today was a very quiet holiday for me with my boyfriend and daughter both working.  But I had a nice day reading and telling my friends and family that I loved them and was thankful they are a part of my life.  Whether in a text message or email I connected with those I care about today and any day I can do that makes me happy.

I hope all of you that celebrated Thanksgiving today had a good day and took a moment to reflect on what you are thankful for.  And anyone planning on shopping in the craziness that is Black Friday sales finds great deals and safely returns home with them. Having worked 20 years in retail I have certainly seen some crazy things happen on Black Friday… but that is a story or two for another time.

Day 66 – 100 Days of Happiness

Today once again I turn to writing to bring me happiness, but today is a little different.  A friend of mine from back in our high school days has a birthday coming up and I am writing a time travel letter to take her back to the 1980’s.  Some of the silly things we did as teenagers – hanging out at the video arcade, thinking we were hot stuff when we would go to the college campus stores to flirt with the college guys, the notes we wrote in school, the lunch runs in senior year to the store blocks away to buy and eat junk food…   There was so much we did then that you would be in trouble or serious danger if you did these days, but we had a ball and lived through it all.  It has been fun pulling out all the old memories for her letter… I hope it gives her as big of a smile as writing it has given me.  Do you ever walk down memory lane back to the things you did as a kid and wonder how you made it out alive?  Have fun with some old memories today!  (((HUGS)))

Day 61 – 100 Days of Happiness

Today was just as I expected.  I pushed myself a little too much yesterday in fun, today I pay for it with pain and stiffness.  But the show must go on or something like that.  I gathered up all my energy spoons and went to the store to shop for my Dad.  I am glad I did.  I saw a friend who had recently had back surgery.  We talked for a while then continued on our way.  Then I ran into a former neighbor who also has a daily battle with fibromyalgia and the two of us caught up a bit on where we were on the pain scale.  So it turned out to be a fun trip to the store despite the pain.  Seeing friends always makes me happy.

I Still Wish Him Well

Like a pebble in your shoe

It continually wears on you,

The irksome way he avoided you.

You were good friends,

Or so you thought.

Then he side-stepped questions,

He dodged speaking to you,

He virtually disappeared

…how can anyone turn off a friendship

Like a light going off?

It’s time to dump that pebble out

And walk free of doubts.

It was never your fault

Only his way of isolation.

Day 24 – 100 Days of Happiness

Today’s happiness was a sigh of relief. I have a vivid imagination…which in turn means when I worry I can cook up a million terrifying scenarios as to the outcome of a situation.  My best friend went silent a little over a week ago and my mind went wild.

My friend and I have kept in close contact for a while now… usually at least 3 or 4 times a week we will text each other, if not talk too.  After the third text was not replied to my mind went into overdrive.  I had every horror scene playing through my thoughts.  I believe I called 4 times at different hours to try to find him, but each call went straight to voicemail.

I tried to calm myself reminding me that he said he cracked his phone screen… maybe it is his phone is out of commission, or maybe he met a bear on a mountain trail?  Do you see how my brain works with the worry… I credit my mom for a lot of it.  She was a first class worrier too.

But today the imagination was shut down by the vibration of my cell phone.  My friend called and I no longer could blame the evil clowns for his demise.  He was fine, although has a cold.  It was his phone was broken and had to wait for payday to get it fixed.  You know… that makes sense.  The worst case scenarios can be tucked away for now, until the next thing happens to make my mind wander…

Day 8 – 100 Days of Happiness

When I started this challenge I knew there would be days that my depression would try to stop me from finding something that made me happy.  Although most of the day was down, I did receive a phone call from a friend this afternoon that was the highlight of my day.  I haven’t been able to talk to him much with his work schedule and me taking care of my Dad lately.  So it was nice to talk to him even if it was just for a short time.  I tried to take that phone call and carry that joy with me all day, but it has been a challenge.  I don’t know if the depression is causing pain, or my fibromyalgia is flaring but I have been aching today.  It is nice to have that call to fall back on to find some joy.  You never know when something as simple as a “Hi, how are you doing?” can lift spirits of someone who is down. ( …thank you sir for the call!)

Shivering

Today’s daily prompt is shiver… it brings to mind bad times.  Times when I would shiver in the midst of a panic attack.  When I would be so afraid and mad at the same time during a heavily drunken night with my ex-husband. And crying so much my body would shiver when I lost a couple of good friends.

I live in Iowa, I should think of good winter fun when I see the word shiver, but I don’t.  I recall many drives in the winter on the way to work where I could feel the anxiety over having to drive slow for the roads but knowing I could not be late for work, it triggered panic attacks more than once.  My wonderful manager told me to drive in to work and show them the panic attack so they would believe me.  That in itself is almost maddening enough to make me shiver with anger over the danger they wanted me to put myself and all others on the road into that morning.

Fear and anger gripped me so tightly many nights with my alcoholic husband.  I owe some of that to childhood memories of a mom who had a drunken rampage destroying the living room while I lay in bed terrified she would come upstairs and throw things in my room. I would shiver and strain to listen to what my husband was doing downstairs.  I would hold my breath while he staggered up the stairs, ready to jump into action if he should try to go into our daughters room.  I had to do all I could to cover her eyes to the ugliness that took place while she slept.

I can think of two close friends I lost that left me so deeply saddened I shivered with streaming tears.  One “friend” left in such an abrupt manner with no contact I was left shocked for months.  To this day I don’t understand how he flipped the switch to off so easily… people tell me he wasn’t a true friend, but that didn’t stop the pain I felt from that loss.  My other friend (due to reasons I can’t really explain) had to move back to his home after only 4 months of FINALLY being able to spend time together since we met on the internet 5 years earlier.  I still have contact with him at least.  I just feel I lost so much when he left.  Maybe it is all in my mind, but it still brings tears after more than a year.

I am in the heat of summer and now after all this reflection I feel the need to wrap in a blanket and try to comfort myself until the shivers once again stop…