Happy and Grateful – Day 19

I have undertaken a challenge this year.  I am trying to find the good in every day by writing about happiness and gratitude that I feel.  No matter how small there is always something to bring a smile or make you grateful, if just for a moment.  Follow along with me as I dig deep as necessary and find the peace of the day.  Join in if you are feeling happy and grateful too – in the comments or on your own blog.  Let’s find some fun!

Today has been a challenge.  I am dealing with a lot of anxiety.  I took anxiety meds during the day today… first time in quite a while for that.  And then of course I find that discouraging and get down on myself, which doesn’t help the depression… it all feeds of one feeling to another.  So I have not done much today.  Besides nap and staying in my safe little comfort zone I did one thing to try to help a bit.  I wrote.

I wrote to my doctor – I do this on a fairly regular basis to purge words and feelings between visits when I feel overwhelmed.  The first 5 minutes or so of our sessions are him reading my “letter” and me gathering my thoughts of what I want to talk about this week.

I wrote here on WP.  Sometimes the daily prompt can distract me a bit to help avoid the thoughts I don’t want to hear.  Today I just worried more about a friend.

I wrote some poetry.  And that is what I will share.  At least the best of what I wrote.  It is nothing great, but it helps take the fear out of me and sometimes that is all I need to detach from it.

The Countdown

Drop by drop

The tears fall

Fear rules my day

Rational or not

It has taken over

Life hangs in the balance

Feels like the air is thin

Every shadow is an enemy

Every noise an intruder

Break this cycle

Stop this fear

Before it consumes me

If only I knew how…

My fear is a little less tonight.  I feel scared and alone still, but not the all consuming fear and anxiety that left me breathless earlier.  I guess that means the medication worked some.  The writing worked a little bit more.  I am happy I made it through the day minute by minute.  I am grateful to have the ways I can try to calm my fears.  Now I am off to write one more place… to a friend who is having a birthday soon.  A nice upbeat letter will help keep my mind active and unaware of the surrounding darkness.

Happy and Grateful – Day 18

I have undertaken a challenge this year.  I am trying to find the good in every day by writing about happiness and gratitude that I feel.  No matter how small there is always something to bring a smile or make you grateful, if just for a moment.  Follow along with me as I dig deep as necessary and find the peace of the day.  Join in if you are feeling happy and grateful too – in the comments or on your own blog.  Let’s find some fun!

My Dad worked for the city police for over 40 years.  Every Wednesday he and several other retired police and city workers meet for a cup of coffee and some conversation.  When his hip got bad and he could no longer drive he missed out.  With a little give and take he has started going to those coffees again as long as I accompany him.  My anxiety makes it a challenge some days… I know a lot of these people but not well.  I am not really in the conversations much but it makes me happy to see him laugh and have a little fun each week.  I am grateful most weeks I can push through the anxiety and get him there.  He did so much for me as a child I am glad I can return the favor some.

Happy and Grateful – Day 17

I have undertaken a challenge this year.  I am trying to find the good in every day by writing about happiness and gratitude that I feel.  No matter how small there is always something to bring a smile or make you grateful, if just for a moment.  Follow along with me as I dig deep as necessary and find the peace of the day.  Join in if you are feeling happy and grateful too – in the comments or on your own blog.  Let’s find some fun!

Today was a mix of emotions.  I got a phone call from my best friend who I haven’t talked to for over a week.  The problem was I missed the call as I was at my Dad’s fixing his dinner at the time.  But just a chance to hear his voice in the message he left lifted my spirits.  He has been a big support for my through my depression diagnosis and treatment.  I’ve often thought that I would not be here if it wasn’t for the support he has given me.  I was happy to hear his voice.  And I am grateful he is a part of my life each and everyday… just wish he didn’t live so far away.

Happy and Grateful – Day 16

I have undertaken a challenge this year.  I am trying to find the good in every day by writing about happiness and gratitude that I feel.  No matter how small there is always something to bring a smile or make you grateful, if just for a moment.  Follow along with me as I dig deep as necessary and find the peace of the day.  Join in if you are feeling happy and grateful too – in the comments or on your own blog.  Let’s find some fun!

I live in the Midwest… we get every kind of weather except hurricanes.  We are having a bit warmer winter right now.  That may sound like a nice thing but that means ice instead of snow.  I recall winters as a kid where we would build tunnels through the snow it was piled so high… not this year.  We just had a big ice storm, actually a lot of the country saw ice.  I am not happy about what we got, but what we didn’t get.  No wind to pull down heavy ice-covered trees and power lines.  And it was not thick ice.  Now we are looking for temperatures near 50°F later this week… certainly not a “normal” winter.

I am happy we came out of this storm with no damage in the area.  There were no accidents for the people I know.  And nobody I know ended up falling on the ice.  I am grateful I didn’t have to go anywhere once the freezing rain began.  In fact most of the ice is off the roads now before I have to go out.  Mild temperatures are good for clearing the roads quickly at least.

Happy and Grateful – Day 15

I have undertaken a challenge this year.  I am trying to find the good in every day by writing about happiness and gratitude that I feel.  No matter how small there is always something to bring a smile or make you grateful, if just for a moment.  Follow along with me as I dig deep as necessary and find the peace of the day.  Join in if you are feeling happy and grateful too – in the comments or on your own blog.  Let’s find some fun!

I still am somehow a day behind.. one of these nights I am going to have the energy to stay awake long enough to get caught up on both days and the daily prompt.  I hope you all forgive me.

This day was really fun.  I may have a creative mind, but my daughter is the one with the artistic talent so I was a little nervous.  A friend of mine was going to a paint studio to make a gift for her daughter and wanted me to come along to the class.  I have thought about these classes before but have never gone.

This was a SMALL class and because of my anxiety I am glad about that.  There were only two other people there besides my friend and I.  The instructor took us step by step through the process and it was easier than I thought.  I was favorably impressed with the way the painting turned out.  Don’t look at it too closely though as the fine detail is NOT there, my hands shake too much.  But for a fun little Valentine’s Day gift for my boyfriend it is ok.

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Now that I have done the class once, I would not be afraid to go again for another project that would be appealing to me.  They offer several each month.  I would love to have my daughter go to a class with me as she has the artistic talent in the family.  It was a fun day and I was happy to have accomplished my first painting (even though I see things wrong with the painting).  And I am very grateful to have had the time with my friend.

Happy and Grateful – Day 14

I have undertaken a challenge this year.  I am trying to find the good in every day by writing about happiness and gratitude that I feel.  No matter how small there is always something to bring a smile or make you grateful, if just for a moment.  Follow along with me as I dig deep as necessary and find the peace of the day.  Join in if you are feeling happy and grateful too – in the comments or on your own blog.  Let’s find some fun!

A quiet day… nothing big, nothing fancy.  I felt better than I had.  I did get an email from a friend.  I was able to post on WP.  I played a game on Facebook.  I really think some days I would be lost without my laptop.  The digital age is a part of out lives.  On just a routine day it keeps us connected to those we love and can entertain us for hours.  I know I could go a day (or more) without any internet, but I have come to realize on regular days it is an important part of my day.  My morning coffee over the most recent emails.  An afternoon spent reading posts here.  The evening unwind with some writing and games.  So on an ordinary day I am happy I have wi-fi and am grateful for the time to enjoy it.

Happy and Grateful – Day 13

I have undertaken a challenge this year.  I am trying to find the good in every day by writing about happiness and gratitude that I feel.  No matter how small there is always something to bring a smile or make you grateful, if just for a moment.  Follow along with me as I dig deep as necessary and find the peace of the day.  Join in if you are feeling happy and grateful too – in the comments or on your own blog.  Let’s find some fun!

My Dad turned 81 this week.  We took him out for dinner to celebrate.  He wanted to have a steak so we went to Texas Roadhouse.  I like their food but it is always so crowded and LOUD.  It is almost impossible to talk over dinner with all the noise.  And being packed in to small spaces (to get the most customers possible) messes with my anxiety.  But it was good company and great food.  I am grateful my Dad is still healthy enough to enjoy things like that.  His health is not perfect but for 81 he still is doing pretty well I think.  I was happy to help him celebrate another birthday.

Happy and Grateful – Day 12

I have undertaken a challenge this year.  I am trying to find the good in every day by writing about happiness and gratitude that I feel.  No matter how small there is always something to bring a smile or make you grateful, if just for a moment.  Follow along with me as I dig deep as necessary and find the peace of the day.  Join in if you are feeling happy and grateful too – in the comments or on your own blog.  Let’s find some fun!

This was a day to try to mend a bit.  I made an error and had run out of scheduled appointments with my therapist last week… I really missed being able to talk to him.  So it was nice to get back to the routine of that weekly appointment.  He has been a good doctor for me to share anything and everything with.  He of course does not have any answers for me, but helps me find my own.

It is nice to know that I can weekly talk about those concerns I have and help get rid of some of the anxiety and depression I face.  I am happy this doctor is such a good “fit” and I am back on his schedule… happy and grateful.

Happy and Grateful – Day 11

I have undertaken a challenge this year.  I am trying to find the good in every day by writing about happiness and gratitude that I feel.  No matter how small there is always something to bring a smile or make you grateful, if just for a moment.  Follow along with me as I dig deep as necessary and find the peace of the day.  Join in if you are feeling happy and grateful too – in the comments or on your own blog.  Let’s find some fun!

I have fibromyalgia and some days it really has me good … or should that be bad?  One of the symptoms of fibro is memory problems often referred to as fibro fog.  Today was one of those days it was pretty foggy in my head and I managed to forget my morning pills.  Didn’t realize it until later in the evening so it was too late to take them.  So I beat myself up about it the rest of the night… add this to the headache the lack of meds can cause and it was a rough night.

But there is one “person” I can always rely on to help me out on rough days… my cat.  What is it about pets that they can sense when we are down.  She came into my lap and cuddled with me… she is not one to cuddle much.  So my stress level went down and I stopped blaming myself for forgetting and let her purring take my headache down a notch.  She made me happy.  And I am grateful she was able to sense that I needed a cuddle.  Love my (well, technically my daughter’s except she is in a no pets apartment) cat!

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Happy and Grateful – Day 10

I have undertaken a challenge this year.  I am trying to find the good in every day by writing about happiness and gratitude that I feel.  No matter how small there is always something to bring a smile or make you grateful, if just for a moment.  Follow along with me as I dig deep as necessary and find the peace of the day.  Join in if you are feeling happy and grateful too – in the comments or on your own blog.  Let’s find some fun!

Anyone who has been reading along with my journey to happiness knows I had a rough weekend followed by a fairly good start to the week.  But all the activity left me pretty fatigued again.  But I still had to take my Dad to a doctor’s appointment so I gathered all my reserve energy and went.  I guess the simple truth of the day is I am happy I was able to get my Dad to the appointment without incident – we had light freezing drizzle that left the roads slick.  Plenty of ice melt on the sidewalk to the car and there is a covered drop off door at the clinic so I did not have to worry about him taking another fall.

The doctor appointment was good.  All the lab work he had done last week came back clear except one test that indicated a possible bacterial infection.  So he is on a low dose antibiotic and hopefully on the way to feeling better soon.  I am grateful those tests did not show something worse wrong with him.  That is always good news to hear.