Time

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Now is not the time to be meek

Find my backbone

Become the shark

Do all I can to be strong

I need my strength to face this day

Big plans on the horizon

Freedom is within my grasp

I just need to believe

Although this wont be easy

It Is what needs to be done

My peace of mind

And my basic happiness

Are on the line

No turning back now

The time has come


Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – meek

A Moment of Clarity

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He is unaware of my feelings

Oblivious to my sadness

I have breakthrough moments of happiness

But they are becoming fewer and fewer

Under the watchful eyes in my home

Afraid I will do something wrong

Peace is just a distant memory

Joy a thing of the past

Anxiety paralyses my being

Depression haunts my soul

One day something has to change

And any change is better than this


Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – oblivious

Fandango’s Friday Flashback – March 13

I have a little time to sneak in this post this week.  I go back to 2017 when I was doing a daily happiness and gratitude challenge originally posted here.

Happy and Grateful – Day 71

As March begins I continue with my goal to find happiness and gratitude every day.  There is at least some small thing that can bring a smile and give you a moment to be grateful for.  Please join me in looking for the good moments of the day … it would be great if you would share them in the comments or on your own blog.  Be aware of the little wonders of the day!

Today I have spent a lot of it worrying.  Worrying is something I am really good at, I learned worrying from my Mom.  She would stay up late listening to the police scanner when my Dad worked overnight shift as a policeman.  So I definitely learned a thing or two from her.

First there is a winter storm advisory out for the night.  Last I looked we had a couple of inches of snow already.  But we aren’t supposed to get more than 5 inches.  Probably the most we have had in a storm this year, but I have been through a lot worse in the past.  My biggest concern was my daughter getting home from work and she made it fine.

I have also been worried about a friend who is seeing his biological father for the first time in a lot of years.  He never really knew him at all growing up and they were meeting tonight.  I felt better after he texted me things went ok for the night.

My worrying has been done for the day.  I am happy I can relax a little now.  Taking my anxiety meds will help too.  I am grateful every one is safe and happy.  Now if I can just get my tension level down enough to sleep…

 

 

Fandango’s Friday Flashback (FFF) – March 13

Fandango’s Friday Flashback – September 13

Ah, it is that wonderful time again. No, not Friday the 13th, or the full moon, or the Harvest Moon.  It is time for another FFF.  Today I chose a poem from two years ago originally posted here.  It was for a daily word prompt – disobey.

I Will Not Disobey

I will not disobey

The wishes of my heart

Today is the day

I make a brand new start

I will not disobey

The musings of my mind

I will take the time

Always to be kind

I will not disobey

What I promise myself

My feelings I will never

Just place upon a shelf

Too much hurt and pain

Were bottled up in the past

Now I plan a future

Where happiness can last

Happy and Grateful – Day 365

This has been a long year… but I made it to the end.  When I started out on my challenge to write a post every day for a whole year about what I was happy and grateful for, I never thought I would make it.  Some days were hard to find a happiness, some days I didn’t feel there was anything to be grateful for but I dug deep and always found something.

By far my daughter brought me the most happiness and gratitude during the year.  But if I had to guess second place I would guess things that come close to healing me (doctor, meds, etc).  Some days I resorted to the basic needs – food, roof over my head and warmth or cool surroundings for the season.  But I found something every day.

This final night of the year I was happy to have survived another year.  Happy to be surrounded by those I care about.  And happy to have enough to get by. My boyfriend, my daughter and I all got together to play cards and toast in the new year (raspberry schnapps and cranberry juice – YUM!).  I may not have won the games – my daughter won both that we played – but we shared a few laughs and had a good time.

Time to get sappy… my gratitude for the night.  I am grateful for all of you readers who have stuck with me.  I plan to stick around for a while longer, but will not be doing the Happy and Grateful posts anymore.  I hope it is something that is beneficial for me and entertaining for you.  I want to thank you all for reading.  I am still amazed I have more than the 10 people I thought might follow me.  Now at over 350 I am stunned.  I am absolutely speechless at the 16,000 views and wondering where the 7,800 visitors came from.

Most of all at the end of this year I am in awe that I am now only 5 posts away from 1000 posts.  I know the Happy and Grateful along with the daily prompt poems this year account for the majority of that.  But I think I still have a little creativity left in me to share.  And for that I hope you will stick around and bear with me on this new journey.

As always I hope you remember to find your happiness and feel your gratitude.  May 2018 be wonderful for all of you… HAPPY New Year!

Happy and Grateful – Day 364

One of my favorite months is upon us. I love the wonder of the holidays.  How it can light up young and old alike.  The weather is (usually) starting to change the world white and frosty.  And the promise of a new year is just around the corner.  This is the final month of my attempt to find the things that make me happy and grateful every day for a year… I have mixed emotions that it will be ending.  Please join me these last few days and post your happiness and gratitude in the comments or on your own blog.  There is always some good in the day no matter how small.

Next to last day… and as a side note, I may be late on my last post.  My daughter will be here for a night of games so it not only is going to be waiting for midnight, but also waiting to see who wins the battle.  LOL

Today was bitter cold.  The furnace has run almost nonstop and it still feels a bit cooler in here.  But that is winter in Iowa.  Tomorrow is supposed to be the coldest day with possible record-breaking lows.  I am grateful to have the warmth and comfort of a home… I know they said on the news the homeless shelters were full tonight.

I did get to come closer to being caught up with my reading on WordPress.  If I make it much later after I post this I hope to read more.  I am happy I found the time to read today.

One last call for ideas on what I could do this next year now that my Happy and Grateful is nearly done.  I am pretty sure I still want to post nearly every day… I would be lost without my writing.  Any ideas?

Ok… time to dim the lights and read myself to sleep.  Remember to find you happiness and feel your gratitude.  Have a wonderful night/day and PLEASE celebrate New Years Eve smart… don’t drink and drive!

Happy and Grateful – Day 363

One of my favorite months is upon us. I love the wonder of the holidays.  How it can light up young and old alike.  The weather is (usually) starting to change the world white and frosty.  And the promise of a new year is just around the corner.  This is the final month of my attempt to find the things that make me happy and grateful every day for a year… I have mixed emotions that it will be ending.  Please join me these last few days and post your happiness and gratitude in the comments or on your own blog.  There is always some good in the day no matter how small.

Snow is pretty… pretty annoying too.  We got about 3 inches, which really isn’t much but it is one of the first all day snows we have had and it is cold… and only going to get worse.  This is Friday night and there is a wind chill advisory until Tuesday.  Ugh!  But I had to go out today… needed my prescriptions refilled and had a gift to return (wrong size) and then my daughter offered to take us out to lunch.  So I was out in the thick of it.  I was grateful there was not the freezing drizzle they had in some areas at least.

Now if you have read my blog you know I worry… about everything.  That is the nature of anxiety and depression.  But I was happy to hear from my daughter via a text message that she arrived at work ok (about a 20 to 30 minute drive away).  Often she forgets when I ask her to let me know so I was happy she didn’t.

All the tension from my first winter driving of the year has left my back in knots.  So I sit on a heating pad and took my pain meds and hope to sleep soon.  So forgive me if my writing does not make sense, I am not thinking quite clearly.

Only two more posts…. but a year worth of awareness has been great.  I hope you find your happiness and feel your gratitude.  Have a wonderful night/day!

Happy and Grateful – Day 362

One of my favorite months is upon us. I love the wonder of the holidays.  How it can light up young and old alike.  The weather is (usually) starting to change the world white and frosty.  And the promise of a new year is just around the corner.  This is the final month of my attempt to find the things that make me happy and grateful every day for a year… I have mixed emotions that it will be ending.  Please join me these last few days and post your happiness and gratitude in the comments or on your own blog.  There is always some good in the day no matter how small.

I have a tough week ahead of me.  I have homework from my therapist to do.  Writing down my pain (physical and emotional) in a diary.  It is part of acceptance therapy he is working with me on and as often as I have painful thoughts these days I will be writing all day long.  It is going to be tough to do, but I have already noticed some changes since we started this workbook and we are only 60 pages into the 200 page book.  So I am going into this week hopeful and scared at what I will learn about myself, but determined to get it accomplished.  For these last few days I hope I can do both.  I already had to note my sadness as I wrote my poem for “cozy.”

Besides seeing my doctor and watching the snow pile up… I did take my Dad to the clinic.  I was grateful the main roads were mostly clear of the snow and I didn’t slide around too much.  Now we are in for another system of about 3 more inches…only 81 days, 10 hours and 30 minutes until spring.  But who is counting?

I did relax a bit tonight and watch a movie with my boyfriend.  He got the new Kingsman movie for Christmas and we watched it.  It was good but it was another one of those movies with whispered dialog, so you turn the volume up but get BLASTED out of your chair when an action scene comes up.  I just sat in the quiet after it was over happily hearing nothing but the soft hum of the furnace running.

Ok… I am STILL behind on reading posts.  Let’s see how far I can get before my meds kick in tonight.  Please remember to find your happiness and feel your gratitude.  Have a wonderful night/day!