Mumbles … Honest

This should just be a day like all the rest.  But to be honest, I am a bit of a wreck today.  Seventeen years ago, I was diagnosed with breast cancer.  It was treated with surgery, chemo and radiation and hasn’t come back.  However, I go in yearly now for my mammograms and every year, no matter how long ago my cancer was, I still worry it will return.  It is about an hour and forty-five minutes away from the test and I can hardly sit still.  I know the odds are in my favor logically, but every year I still worry.

Just a short time after my treatments were done, a woman I knew, who was going through cancer round three, was diagnosed and died from brain cancer.  Another woman I was acquainted with had to have a double mastectomy for her cancer.  I just think of how much worse it could have been or might become and I panic.

The test is a piece of cake.  I was smashed a lot that first year or two.  Nothing will ever be as bad as the needle localized biopsy when they had to leave me in the machine to insert a needle and then check to make sure they got it in the right place… I was probably in the machine 5 to 10 minutes, but it seemed like FOREVER.  So just a regular mammogram is easy.

I am going to try to read some more posts and keep my mind off things.  Worst is I probably won’t hear back from them until Monday or Tuesday.  Oh well, I do have my anxiety meds if I need them.  So, I will stop mumbling for now and go read some more blogs.  Anything to keep my mind busy.

 

Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – honest

How Can I

How can I tell if you’re reliable?

Do you mean what you say?

How can I tell if you’re honest?

Is there truth in your words?

How can I tell if you’re genuine?

Do you speak from your heart?

How can I tell if you’re authentic?

… I don’t want to be hurt anymore.

 

Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – authentic

Honesty Please

I’m so tired of this…

Can’t you be more forthright

And tell me what you want of me

We run in circles

Trying to please each other

And getting no where

We are lost in the chaos

Of two lives grown apart

But you won’t talk to me

To try to solve this problem

You only buy more flowers

And shower me with gifts

Just be honest for once

And clearly state your case

Do you even still care for me

Or am I just taking up space

 

Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – forthright