Chances

I hear today is

A brand new start

A brand new chance

For a brand new heart

 

A chance to love

A chance to dream

A new start to believe

In a crazy scheme

 

The year is young

Only a day old

And we can choose

What wishes we hold

 

So gather your hope

And keep peace in mind

For today we never know

What tomorrow we’ll find

Lunch Time Hope

He said with a devilish grin,

“Make me a sandwich.”

and how my insides flipped.

If only he knew –

I would do anything for him.

My dreams had been crushed

and the though of sharing a sandwich,

just a simple lunch,

was enough to give me hope.

Hope that I was not damaged goods.

Hope that I might find life again

beyond the wreckage that was my failed marriage.

Hope that he was within my reach

and I was not only dreaming.

To make him a sandwich would be a good start

…I just smiled and said, “PB and J?”

High School Flashbacks

The past came crashing back.  It hit me like a semi taking out a car in an accident.  I just watched The Perks Of Being A Wallflower and was reminded of all I hated about my days in school.  I suffered from anxiety back then although it was never diagnosed… I was just called shy and told to get over it.  I think that is why I have been feeling so depressed lately.

My father had a surgery and I moved in temporarily to try to help take care of him and save money on home health care.  I feel like that shy child again, because I am cut off from friends outside of internet connections.  I spent much of middle school without friends and only limited ones in high school.  I feel alone like I did back then.

So how do I undo this emotional flash back and get back to the present?  How do I find the hope in friendships and the freedom of being able to come and go as I want to?  How do I return to adulthood without abandoning my Dad?

I have to remember that he is healing and getting better… this will not last forever.  I know my anxiety and depression is here to stay but it is TREATABLE.  I have to remember my positive attitudes, medications and gentle escapes in activities I enjoy can all give me benefits.

Writing can help me purge the emotions that overwhelm me.  I can relive the joys and gentle peace of nature through my collection of photographs I have taken on many walks through the area parks and bicycle paths.  And if I just want to check out from reality I can immerse myself in a game on the internet.  There are ways to cope, I just have to stay focused to remember them.

Today I will make it through.  My past lead me to a lot of days and nights of tears.  I can work through bad days, hours, minutes one moment at a time.  I will focus on the hope of a wish made on a dandelion breath.

Digimax A50 / KENOX Q2
Digimax A50 / KENOX Q2