Mumbles … onerous

According to a google search onerous is ” involving an amount of effort and difficulty that is oppressively burdensome.” It lists synonyms as being heavy, burdensome, crushing, difficult, hard… My mind is in a mess right now and every thought is heavy, crushing and difficult. To create a coherent thought into a sentence is burdensome and hard. I watched my Dad take his last breath tonight, but I have to write. I have to let some words out along with the tears. I have to try to find a little normalicy to ground me.

We just put Dad into hospice care. We had a meeting Wednesday with staff that he should have 24/7 care. We implimented that with staffing from Home Instead by Thursday. He had his first comfort meds on Thursday and just that fast he is gone tonight.

I am sitting up waiting to call a few people in the early morning before they start their days. I can’t see a call in the middle of the night disrupting their sleep when there is nothing they can do.

This is not much of a post, but I have rewritten it three times. I think I will accept this version and post it. There may be a lot of my Dad in my upcoming posts. He was a wonderful man, who is greatly missed.

 

Written for (my peace of mind and) Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – onerous

Happy and Grateful – Day 243

Seven months are gone now and surprisingly I am still plugging along with this challenge to post about my happiness and gratitude every day this year.  August brings the state fair here in Iowa and lots of heat and humidity.  It is the time to see the back to school shopping start with kids dreading it and parents loving it.  As I continue my challenge I hope you will take a minute to reflect on your day too.  You can even share your happiness and gratitude here in the comments or on your own blog.  There is good in every day!

I can’t believe this is the last day of the month already, August has flown by!  I just wish it was ending on a happier note.  A friend of mine I used to work with is battling colon cancer and her daughter just posted that she is now in hospice care.  She has lost a lot of weight, but still in each picture she has an unending smile on her face,  She just became a grandmother this year for the first time… so sad that baby will not remember her grandmother.

Today was another day in my flare with more fatigue.  I was able to make my appointment with my therapist though in between naps.  It was another rough session with too many tears.  There is just too much loss around me.  But I am grateful I can finally cry about some of it.

My happy moment would have to be when I got a chance to talk to a good friend on the phone.  He has recently gone through some family loss and is struggling, but it was still so good to hear his voice.

I need to make a lunch for my boyfriend and then take him to work now.  Find your happiness and feel your gratitude.  Have a nice night/day!