Mumbles … Honest

This should just be a day like all the rest.  But to be honest, I am a bit of a wreck today.  Seventeen years ago, I was diagnosed with breast cancer.  It was treated with surgery, chemo and radiation and hasn’t come back.  However, I go in yearly now for my mammograms and every year, no matter how long ago my cancer was, I still worry it will return.  It is about an hour and forty-five minutes away from the test and I can hardly sit still.  I know the odds are in my favor logically, but every year I still worry.

Just a short time after my treatments were done, a woman I knew, who was going through cancer round three, was diagnosed and died from brain cancer.  Another woman I was acquainted with had to have a double mastectomy for her cancer.  I just think of how much worse it could have been or might become and I panic.

The test is a piece of cake.  I was smashed a lot that first year or two.  Nothing will ever be as bad as the needle localized biopsy when they had to leave me in the machine to insert a needle and then check to make sure they got it in the right place… I was probably in the machine 5 to 10 minutes, but it seemed like FOREVER.  So just a regular mammogram is easy.

I am going to try to read some more posts and keep my mind off things.  Worst is I probably won’t hear back from them until Monday or Tuesday.  Oh well, I do have my anxiety meds if I need them.  So, I will stop mumbling for now and go read some more blogs.  Anything to keep my mind busy.

 

Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – honest

Happy and Grateful – Day 271

The kids are all in school, there is a growing crisp in the air.  Football games and shorter days fill the weeks.  It is September.  I have accomplished another month of acknowledging my happiness and gratitude every day.  Join me as I continue my goal of one year on this journey.  Please join in with your happiness and gratitude in the comments or your own blog post.  No matter how bad the day is there is always something worthwhile in the day.

Sorry for the delay in this post.  With all the anxiety I had concerning my mammogram I was hit with some strong fatigue and went out halfway through my daily prompt post.  The good news though is that my mammogram was clear… 14 years cancer free now and good for one more year!  I am beyond grateful for another clear report.

It was a stressful day, but it was also a beautiful fall day.  Windows open, birds singing and a nice cool breeze blowing made the day more manageable.  I was happy to have a little bit of nature to help soothe my anxiety a little.

Now let’s hope I can get tonight’s post done on time.  Remember to find your happiness and feel your gratitude.  Have a great day/night!

Yearly Mammo

(Just waiting for my check up and trying not to worry so I thought I would write out some of my frustrations and worry.)

 

An hour to go until I am

Smushed smashed and squished

The pain doesn’t bother me

It has become routine

It’s the waiting

And not knowing

That give me the grey hairs

But at least I have hair

It left for awhile

Fourteen years ago now

So this should be no problem

The worry should be past

But there is always a chance

And for that I always worry…