memories – Leigha Robbins

Moving Pictures of the Mind

I had a reminder on my phone today

As if I could possibly forget

It said your birthday is coming soon

I read it and silently wept

All the years of memories

Flood me with visions in my mind

And I can hear your laughter

It hurts and comforts at the same time

There is good and bad times replayed

Like movies from my past

Each one centers on you so clear

I pray they always last

And as the clock strikes midnight

I hope your spirit is free

For today is the day to remember

How much I still love my daddy

***

Happy heavenly birthday Dad.

Will You Take An IOU?

What can I do

I have spent all I have

Not a drop left in me

To offer you payment

For the time that you took

To listen to my lament

I was so alone today

And knew no hope

I cried

I slept

I felt regret

About a day long past

But never forgotten

You saw me through

And guided me to

A place of acceptance

These 24 hours have almost passed

I can hide the memories for another year

Until the day blindsides me

And I am again forced to remember

I couldn’t stop your death

*****

Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – payment

Haunted

They swarm around me unseen

Some to protect

Some to just watch

Some to never let me forget

The ghosts of my past

Are always with me

Those who have died

Those whose memory is strong

And those who still torture my soul

I have never seen them

But I can feel they are there

And will always be a part of me

They helped me become

Who I am today

And I welcome them

And their energies

Always beside me

Haunting echoes of my past

*****

Do you have ghosts you are thankful for? We always carry those with us who have touched our lives for good or bad. Don’t let them scare you.

A to Z Challenge – P is for Pablo

“Love is so short, forgetting so long.”
Pablo Neruda

Today for letter P, I searched for a quote from the poet Pablo Neruda. I found this one and was so drawn to it. We have all had “the one that got away” that years later you still wonder what happened to them and “what if” things had been different. At least for me their still is and always will be a little bit of love still there for them. Also friends and family that only pass your way briefly, but have an impact on your life, are a part of your memories forever.

Past letters…

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O

A to Z Challenge – K is for Ken Kesey

“Loved. You can’t use it in the past tense. Death does not stop that love at all.”
Ken Kesey

As I get older I learn more and more that this is true. As we age more people we care about are taken away from us, but that deep love will never die. Embrace it and remember fondly the memories of the past.

Past letters…

A B C D E F G H I J

A Single Place Setting

I don’t know why

I thought I could do this

Holidays are for gathering

I should have known this wouldn’t work

But here I sit with knots in my stomach

And tears on my cheeks

Feeling like I am forgotten

Although I know I am not

It’s just a matter of circumstance

That I spend this holiday alone

No late night baking

No early morning to start the food

I can do whatever I want

…

Except what I want is to spend it with you

And I know that is not possible

Too many years have gone by

For me to be hurting like this

But I truly wish you weren’t in heaven

And could share this special day

Laughter and happiness

And a swelling pride about our child

…

What I do instead is embrace my tears

And reminisce our love

Before the poison took it away

Our life was once like paradise

A smile at the twinkle in your eyes

and a blush from just a touch

the passion and friendship we shared

was really once in a lifetime

…

So I take a deep breath and sigh

Before the memories get muddled

By the way it all had to end

I think of our daughter and son-in-law

And hope they are eating well

I know you would be happy for them

To have found each other to love

And that is what I hold onto

Knowing you are with them in spirit

And somehow I don’t feel so alone anymore

Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – knot

At a Distance

With a vacuous look in her eyes

She weakly smiled

And suddenly looked down

Her eyes were growing

Move and more empty

With every passing day

An occasional recognition

Was celebrated at heart

But no longer held much hope

Her decent into the unaware

Has been going on now

Close to seven years

and the family was in tears

after almost every visit

Such a strong and intelligent woman

Brought down to an empty vessel

Void of facts and memories

…

Maybe someday there will be

A cure for this loss so many face

Until then there will be

Heartbreak and loneliness

In many at older years

For now just hold tightly

To memories that you have

For some day they may be fleeting

And you’ll lose those

You hold most dear

Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – vacuous

Play On

Music affects the soul

It brings emotions out in the listener

Music affects the heart

We can’t help but feel good when we hear a favorite song

Music affects the mind

Memories come drifting back with every note

Music affects every aspect of our lives

Let it play on

***

A song that has been on my mind recently and Tom was one of my Mom’s favorite so in honor of her this Mother’s Day evening…. hope you like this little bit of blues.

For Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – aspect

Stolen Memories

I went into the room

The room where he sat

Hoping to find him peaceful

Peaceful and having a good day

All I wanted was a spark

A spark of recognition

To show me he remembered

Remembered who I was

But today was like a nightmare

A nightmare of forgotten past

He said he didn’t know

Know anything about me

He said he wanted to go home

Home to see his parents

But they had already died

Died many years before

So I sit here as a stranger

A stranger to my father

And hope this awful disease

Disease that steals his memories

Will let him retain some pride

Pride in who he was once

I see in the mirror our reflections

Reflections of our life before dementia

And it makes me want to cry

Cry for all we both have lost

Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – spark

A Smile

Take a minute

Can you think about me

Do you have it in you

To wonder how I am

Do you ever want to

Just send me a text

Or am I a thought

That you often avoid

To shut out of your mind

What we used to have

I only wonder because

I so very often

Still dream about you

And I wonder if you ever

Have a memory of me

That brings a smile to your face

Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – avoid

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