Christmas Music

“… Ohhho tidings of comfort and joy, comfort and joy…”  The Christmas music played on the radio as she wrapped her first couple of presents.  She wrapped and labeled as she went so, she would not forget any gifts.  She marked off the names from her list of who to buy for and looked at who was left.  It was a little over two weeks until Christmas and she didn’t want to be shopping at the last minute, not with the virus still rampant.

She silently wondered who was going to like their gift best.  Hoped everyone would be happy on that special day and then sighed.  This would mark the second holiday without her dad and the tenth without her mom.  She missed them both so much.  But they were still a part of her holiday.

For her Dad she would listen to a Big Bad Voodoo Daddy Christmas CD and her mom’s tribute would leave her with tears every time, from the Oak Ridge Boys first Christmas album it was the song of theirs that she loved the bast, “Thank God For Kids.”  Mom’s favorite member, William Lee, sang this one.  And as a special tribute had added a lyric to the end by thanking God for grandkids too.  She cried because she missed her mother so and she had a beautiful daughter that made her so proud every day.

She wiped the tears and turned off the stereo.  This ends another day of shopping and wrapping.  Now it was time to think about dinner.

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Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – comfort

Mumbles … Gravy

Gravy, the word conjures up comfort food in most people.  But it sent me squealing tires, fast as can be back to the past.  A word my ex used to use at least once a week.  He worked for a printing company and would get big jobs that once they were set up were just “gravy” or super easy to run.  I hadn’t thought of that term in years.  Why did it drag me to the past today?

Last month was the anniversary of his death and this month is his birthday.  Plus, you throw in holidays that are missing someone.  And no matter what, in spite of the divorce, he was still a friend of mine.  Someone I care about, never really stopped loving him but HATED what the bottle had done to him.

So, here I am in the past with all those old questions, worries and what ifs.  It is a trap I fall into too often.  When you are married to someone for 20 years it is hard to walk away.  But I had to for my own peace of mind.  The alcohol killed what was once so beautiful.  The lies and self destruction were too much. 

On a side note to gravy, I had been getting a little closer to caught up and then the holiday came.  We had two Thanksgivings and I fell back to more than a week behind.  BUT I will catch up hopefully before Christmas.  I am ahead of schedule on my Christmas cards so I should only need one more day for that to be done.  Bear with me.  And I hope everyone has a great weekend! (((HUGS)))

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Written for Fandango One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – gravy

Never Healing

The feeling is the same –

My heart has been ripped out.

I didn’t think I would ever again

Feel a duplicate hurt like that.

It had been different every other time

Coworkers, friends, family…

But I grew closer to him

Right towards the end.

And I did NOT want him to go!

The pain of losing your parents

Is like no other.

9 years now she has been gone

And almost 8 months now for him.

And I still want to talk to them

Every single day,

And it rips that wound back open.

 

Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – duplicate

After All These Years

The old woman sat on a bench
Near a worn headstone
She held a single flower
And looked so forlorn
She gently placed the bloom
Onto the ground before her
And wiping away a tear
She softly said
“I still miss you, Dad.”

 

Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – forlorn

Happy and Grateful – Day 313

November brings a chill in the air and the start of the holiday gatherings of family and friends.  I can’t believe I am down to the last two month of my challenge to find happiness and feel gratitude every day.  I hope you join with me in the comments or your own blog in this challenge.  No matter how small there is always a little good in even the worst day.

It was a cold day today.  Right around the freezing point most of the day with a cold wind blowing.  A good day to stay inside.  And that is what I did for most of the day.  I fought fatigue a good portion of the day and succumbed to two naps.  But I was grateful to have a day with not much planned where I could take the naps.

I was feeling a little better than I was last night, but still missing my friend.  It is getting close to the holidays and at one time he was going to be here for the holidays, but that changed and I wish I could see him again.  I worry I never will see him in person again.  As he will not be coming back here and I don’t have the money or energy to travel.  I am glad we still keep in touch somewhat through phone and texts.

Tonight’s happy moment … I have a hard time with this one tonight.  I am going to go with one I don’t know if I have used before or not.  With the upcoming winter they are talking about the homeless and the coming cold…. I am happy to have a roof over my head and I can afford the heat to stay warm.  Having known someone who was homeless for a while I know circumstances can come up and it all can vanish too easily.

Now I am going to finish watching the end of the musical Chicago and hope to get to sleep soon after.  Please remember to find your happiness and feel your gratitude.  Have a wonderful night/day.

Autumn Leaf

I hold the leaf in my hand

It is a bright yellow

Colored by the crisp of autumn

This time of year

Reminds me of you

You loved the changing leaves

You loved Halloween

And you were born in October

As I trace the veins on the leaf

I think of you and how much

I deeply miss you still

And will forever more

I Pause

I turn to tell you about a fleeting thought

And I pause

Forgetting for a moment you’re gone

 

I hear a song on the radio you used to sing to

And I pause

Catching the lump in my throat

 

I see your picture

And I pause

Then let the tears flow

 

I pause to remember

I pause to forget

I pause for acceptance

I pause for love

 

I hear your voice

And I pause

Glad I hit the save button

Wishing I could have saved you…