Mumbles … Mother’s Day

My view of Mother’s Day has been slightly skewed. It was always a joyous time to celebrate with my Mom when I was growing up. Then when I became a mother myself it brought on a deeper meaning. For the last eight years though since my Mom passed away it is a difficult balancing game between the joy of being a mom and the despair I feel no longer having my Mom in this world.

My daughter is my life and I really try to focus on that, but I miss the friend I had in my Mom. She went to concerts with me, would play games together and shared our love of good music. She and I would have late night talks into the wee hours of the morning. She was always very open with me and I was with her.

Our relationship was not perfect. I will never forget learning on the eve of my wedding she didn’t want me to get married and she told me he was wrong for me. …twenty years later that came to be true, did she know something in advance? Nah, but I wouldn’t change a thing because I got my daughter down that path.

I hope everyone has had a good day. Those who are mothers, want to be mothers, lost babies that made them alone mothers, dads who have to be mothers too, with mothers living or gone… a Happy Mother’s Day to all. I will now have a silent tribute to my Mom, looking through some old pictures, and trying to remember she will always be here with me in my heart.

Happy and Grateful – Day 301

The month of October is upon us.  Fall is in full swing with the leaves gathering on the lawn… maybe a pile or two to run through even.  The evenings are getting dark earlier as the days grow shorter.  And a few of us look forward to a good scare with Halloween coming this month.  Everyday has at least some small portion of good in it.  I am looking for that good with this challenge to find my happiness and gratitude every day.  Join in with the challenge by commenting or writing your own blog… let’s find some goodness today.

The month is starting to wind down and I am feeling more and more depressed.  My mom has been gone for 7 years but I still miss her so on her birthday which would be on Tuesday.  I miss the friendship we had.  I miss her sense of humor.  I miss her love of children.  I miss her love of music.  I just miss her.  I don’t feel it will ever get easier to be without her.  But I am grateful for the memories I have that no one can take away.

Another one of Moms loves was ISU football… today was their homecoming game and they won.  It would have made Mom happy and it did make me happy that they won.

I am getting tired so it is time to finish this up.  Remember to find your happiness and feel your gratitude.  Have a wonderful night/day!

Happy and Grateful – Day 291

The month of October is upon us.  Fall is in full swing with the leaves gathering on the lawn… maybe a pile or two to run through even.  The evenings are getting dark earlier as the days grow shorter.  And a few of us look forward to a good scare with Halloween coming this month.  Everyday has at least some small portion of good in it.  I am looking for that good with this challenge to find my happiness and gratitude every day.  Join in with the challenge by commenting or writing your own blog… let’s find some goodness today.

The month of October now runs in two sections for me.  The first 2/3 is anticipation for my birthday.  That happened yesterday and it was a wonderful day.  But for the last 7 years the last third of the month is harder to get through.  I feel the let down that there was one person not there to share in my birthday… my mom.  Add to that the fact that my mom’s birthday was the 30th of October and there is more to miss.  Plus she would just love to see the kids in their costumes for Halloween.  So my mood has dropped today.  I also had a couple of silly disappointments where I just expected too much and was let down… it is not a very good day for me.

I did take some happiness getting to try out my new embossing tool I got from my Dad.  I didn’t make a full card, but have parts ready for one.  Now to decide who I need to send a card and letter to next.

My gratitude for the day comes from a friend who texted me.  She is new to the smart phone technology so me and another friend were showing her emojis that she could use.  It was good to chat with her tonight and imagining her laughing at the messages.

I need to close up the patio door and turn out the light.  There is no reason to stay awake with my thoughts any longer.  Maybe sleep will come swiftly tonight.  Thankfully I see my therapist in the morning.  Remember to find your happiness and feel your gratitude.  Have a good night/day!

Is Mommy Ok

She attacked the room
Like a wild savage
Throwing things
Ripping papers
And screaming
I couldn’t say for sure
What she actually did
I only heard it
While cowering in my bed
Covers tight around me
While mom ended her bender
In a fit of rage that night
I never will forget
The pain and fear I felt
Only ten and afraid
But worried about my mom…

Happy and Grateful – Day 50

This is February and I am well on my way to attaining a goal I set for myself.  I am trying to post every day with happiness and gratitude that I have encountered that day.  There is always something no matter how small it may seem that we can be grateful for and even just a shared smile can make you happy if only for a moment.  Please try to find those moments for yourself too…  if you’re up to it I would love if you would share them too in the comments or your own blog.  Being aware can really turn a day around!

My boyfriend and I decided to take advantage of the nice weather and take a short drive tonight.  We drove about 20 miles south to find the closest town that had an Outback Steakhouse.  We had received a gift card for Christmas but had yet to use it since it is not in town.  So we drove south and had a wonderful filling meal.  The nice thing too is that it is the same town where my daughter works at the coffee shop so we stopped after dinner to see her and get a drink for the trip back.

I was happy we could make the trip without worrying about the weather this time of year.  And grateful for my boyfriend’s mom who gave us the gift card to use in the first place.  It was good food and good company and a special treat afterwards.  Do you have a restaurant you will go out of your way for on occasion for a special treat?

Day 25 – 100 Days of Happiness

A fourth of the way through this challenge I got to put on my Mom hat.  It is a hat I dearly love to wear.  And since my daughter is on her own it is rare that I get to wear the hat like I used to.  But today my daughter asked me to.

My daughter is sick.  Nothing major just the common cold, but it is one of the few times she wants her mom still.  She called asking if we had any chicken noodle soup in our pantry that I could bring to her.  A well prepared mom I jumped into action and pulled two cans from the shelves and set off to make a delivery.

She is actually on the tail end of the cold.  Her fever seems to have broken and she and I found a couple of things to laugh about as we sipped some tea and waited for the soup to warm.  I certainly don’t want my daughter to be sick, but am glad to still be needed at times.

Time to restock the pantry to be ready the next time… it is almost a perfect record of her getting sick every year around Christmas time since she was little so there will be more need I am sure.  I will set my hat back on the shelf for now and embrace the feeling of love and being needed while it is still fresh.  I love being a mom.