Another Painful Night

He repeated the words, ”I didn’t have anything.”

She wanted to lie down and writhe in pain, his words stung so bad.  She could see his pupils were dilated, his speech was once again slurred, and she could smell the alcohol across the room.  Did he take her as a complete fool who was blind?  She took a deep breath and said, “I know you’re lying but to talk to you about it now would be pointless.  You might as well go to sleep.”

He let out a sigh but didn’t say a word and got up and went upstairs.

 

Written for Fandango’s One-Word challenge (FOWC) – writhe

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Hanging On By A Thread

I can’t really say

I’m in the prime of my life,

In fact

I feel like I’m falling apart.

Everyone is disappearing,

Leaving me grasping for friendships.

My mind betrays me,

By clouding the truth in front of me.

I feel less and less

Certain about the future.

And, without a doubt,

The past continues to haunt me.

So, I sit in contemplation,

On a life I no longer control.

Is it all worth the pain?

Or is there not even a glimmer of hope left?

 

Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – prime

If I Ignore It Will It Go Away

I try to push the feelings down
The ones that bring me pain
The ones that still sting

I suppress the unending memories
Of when you left me
Of when you hurt me

I try to repress what is still alive
The love for someone who’s gone
The love for someone who changed my life

I ignore the emotions deep within
Of a time when things were bad
Of a time when you died so young

 

Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – repress

Mumbles … limit

There is a limit to everything… and I think I am reaching mine. I originally volunteered for what I thought was a 2 week “job” of staying the nights with my Dad while he recovered from his pneumonia. That was the end of August… now we are more than a week into October.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my Dad and am actually grateful for the time I get with him. But physically and emotionally it is taking a toll on me. The biggest thing is realizing that he may need 24/7 care now, period. I was hoping to get it down to maybe 3 or 4 nights a week he had care givers come into the house and help him, but with the way his memory problems and (lack of) strength still seems to linger I fear he may need more.

My fibromyalgia is practically screaming between the up and down both on the stairs at my Dad’s house and just getting him things. (and the cold damp weather that just wont end… we may finally see sun again on Thusday) My depression is peaking again as well. Possibly brought on by more memories of my Mom (at least a half a dozen times Dad has called me by my Mom’s name) and seeing clearly Dad’s health conditions deteriorate.

It has also taken a toll on my internet time. I am a week behind on writing posts and reading yours too. I can’t remember the last time I did more than glance at my e-mail, my inbox is getting quite full. And time to relax and play a game… HA! Although I do get to take a break every now and then for some Words With Friends. But a lot of the time my means of communication is through Facebook and blogging… so I am feeling more alone.

The time is up now… my Dad has to see a doctor today. I will save this and get it to my post after the appointment as long as I have time this afternoon. I am limited on minutes now and must make the cross town trip in about 15 minutes. I hope the street lights are in my favor! Have a good week everyone! (((HUGS)))

 

Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – limit

Something New

I’ve felt this before
It is nothing new
A hollow empty feeling
As you walk away from me

I have seen this before
It is nothing new
A dark vacant doorway
As you leave me alone

I have endured this pain before
It is nothing new
A breaking of my heart
As you turn again to her

I will no longer stay like before
This is something new
A strength I feel inside
As I pack my things and go

 

Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – heart

Together

I can surmount the pain
I can defeat the feelings of despair
I can triumph over my demons

only if you are in my corner
only if you stand by my side
only if you give me your strength

together we will survive
together we will thrive
together we will live

 

Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – surmount