Open Mic Night

black and gray microphone
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

“No!  I told you I refuse to do it.  I just can’t handle the pressure with my anxiety.”  The woman looked upset and paced back and forth in the kitchen.

“Come on babe it will be fun, you’ll see.” He sat down in a chair at the table and added, “You know your words are great.”

“You are just saying that.  I’m an amateur and some of those people have been at it their whole lives.”

“Didn’t you tell me you started writing in middle school?”

“Yeah but that was lonely crap.”

“Come on, for me babe.  You just need to read one poem on stage.  And who knows, you could get that book deal you have always wanted then.”

“If you drive so I can take an anxiety pill.  I will read ONE very short poem.”

“Oh, honey that is great!  Now let’s go get ready and print out one of your best poems.”

 

Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – refuse

Happy and Grateful – Day 19

I have undertaken a challenge this year.  I am trying to find the good in every day by writing about happiness and gratitude that I feel.  No matter how small there is always something to bring a smile or make you grateful, if just for a moment.  Follow along with me as I dig deep as necessary and find the peace of the day.  Join in if you are feeling happy and grateful too – in the comments or on your own blog.  Let’s find some fun!

Today has been a challenge.  I am dealing with a lot of anxiety.  I took anxiety meds during the day today… first time in quite a while for that.  And then of course I find that discouraging and get down on myself, which doesn’t help the depression… it all feeds of one feeling to another.  So I have not done much today.  Besides nap and staying in my safe little comfort zone I did one thing to try to help a bit.  I wrote.

I wrote to my doctor – I do this on a fairly regular basis to purge words and feelings between visits when I feel overwhelmed.  The first 5 minutes or so of our sessions are him reading my “letter” and me gathering my thoughts of what I want to talk about this week.

I wrote here on WP.  Sometimes the daily prompt can distract me a bit to help avoid the thoughts I don’t want to hear.  Today I just worried more about a friend.

I wrote some poetry.  And that is what I will share.  At least the best of what I wrote.  It is nothing great, but it helps take the fear out of me and sometimes that is all I need to detach from it.

The Countdown

Drop by drop

The tears fall

Fear rules my day

Rational or not

It has taken over

Life hangs in the balance

Feels like the air is thin

Every shadow is an enemy

Every noise an intruder

Break this cycle

Stop this fear

Before it consumes me

If only I knew how…

My fear is a little less tonight.  I feel scared and alone still, but not the all consuming fear and anxiety that left me breathless earlier.  I guess that means the medication worked some.  The writing worked a little bit more.  I am happy I made it through the day minute by minute.  I am grateful to have the ways I can try to calm my fears.  Now I am off to write one more place… to a friend who is having a birthday soon.  A nice upbeat letter will help keep my mind active and unaware of the surrounding darkness.

Day 54 – 100 Days of Happiness

I had a little of the creative muse flowing through me today… that makes me happy.  When the words are coming I don’t tend to dwell on the negative.  I may write about it, but then it is out of my head and onto the screen or paper.

After the daily post I just kept writing for myself and added two more poems to my personal collection.  Every poem that I complete and am pleased with makes me feel accomplished.  When I share one here and others like it or comment on it, it really makes me feel a little less invisible.  It really is a type of therapy for me.

So while I still have the muse present I think I will try to write some more.  This is one of those split nights for me… I slept a few hours and now am wide awake with 3 or 4 hours left to sleep.  Oh well… sleep is overrated isn’t it?  LOL  May your muse be with you today… (((HUGS)))