I have undertaken a challenge this year. I am trying to find the good in every day by writing about happiness and gratitude that I feel. No matter how small there is always something to bring a smile or make you grateful, if just for a moment. Follow along with me as I dig deep as necessary and find the peace of the day. Join in if you are feeling happy and grateful too – in the comments or on your own blog. Let’s find some fun!
Today has been a challenge. I am dealing with a lot of anxiety. I took anxiety meds during the day today… first time in quite a while for that. And then of course I find that discouraging and get down on myself, which doesn’t help the depression… it all feeds of one feeling to another. So I have not done much today. Besides nap and staying in my safe little comfort zone I did one thing to try to help a bit. I wrote.
I wrote to my doctor – I do this on a fairly regular basis to purge words and feelings between visits when I feel overwhelmed. The first 5 minutes or so of our sessions are him reading my “letter” and me gathering my thoughts of what I want to talk about this week.
I wrote here on WP. Sometimes the daily prompt can distract me a bit to help avoid the thoughts I don’t want to hear. Today I just worried more about a friend.
I wrote some poetry. And that is what I will share. At least the best of what I wrote. It is nothing great, but it helps take the fear out of me and sometimes that is all I need to detach from it.
Drop by drop
The tears fall
Fear rules my day
Rational or not
It has taken over
Life hangs in the balance
Feels like the air is thin
Every shadow is an enemy
Every noise an intruder
Break this cycle
Stop this fear
Before it consumes me
If only I knew how…
My fear is a little less tonight. I feel scared and alone still, but not the all consuming fear and anxiety that left me breathless earlier. I guess that means the medication worked some. The writing worked a little bit more. I am happy I made it through the day minute by minute. I am grateful to have the ways I can try to calm my fears. Now I am off to write one more place… to a friend who is having a birthday soon. A nice upbeat letter will help keep my mind active and unaware of the surrounding darkness.
I had a little of the creative muse flowing through me today… that makes me happy. When the words are coming I don’t tend to dwell on the negative. I may write about it, but then it is out of my head and onto the screen or paper.
After the daily post I just kept writing for myself and added two more poems to my personal collection. Every poem that I complete and am pleased with makes me feel accomplished. When I share one here and others like it or comment on it, it really makes me feel a little less invisible. It really is a type of therapy for me.
So while I still have the muse present I think I will try to write some more. This is one of those split nights for me… I slept a few hours and now am wide awake with 3 or 4 hours left to sleep. Oh well… sleep is overrated isn’t it? LOL May your muse be with you today… (((HUGS)))