Is It Time

Photo by cottonbro on

The years have gone by

And you can tell

They are beginning

To take their toll on us

I no longer believe

I can sustain the façade

Of a perfectly happy home

So it’s time for truth

And a dose of reality

Is it worth the struggle

To hold on tight

Or is it simply

Time for goodbye

Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – sustain

Dark Clouds In The Sky

The streets are not paved in gold

Diamonds don’t fall from above

Peace does not leave everyone smiling

This is no utopia

This is real life

And it hurts

It angers

It hates

It discriminates

It drives out happiness

It has left me in the shadows

Alone and filled with depression

I feel I will never be able to defeat

Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – utopia

Fandango’s Provocative Question #64

Fandango has a question he poses every week… this week I think I will join in with my answer.  From his post:

Before I ever started blogging, I was talking with a guy who was a blogger. I asked him why he enjoyed blogging. His answer surprised me. He said that on his blog, he could be the man he always wanted to be. He added that he liked who he was on his blog better than who he was in the real world.

That floored me. I couldn’t fathom how someone could be one person in real life and another person in a virtual life. But he explained that he could more freely express himself on his blog. That he was actually more forthright, honest, and open about his opinions, perspectives, and beliefs in the blogosphere than he could ever be in real life, where he felt constrained by the etiquette of polite society. His blogging self, he said, was more reflective of who he was than his “real” self. My mind was blown.

So my question this week is this.

Are you the same person on your blog as you are in real life? Do you like yourself more in the virtual world than you do in the real world?

I am kind of like I am in real life… kind of.  Here with an anonymous blog I feel more open and honest.  In real life I am a scared shy lady who is afraid and depressed a lot.  I think here because I am so honest and open I feel stronger as a person.  If I have feelings for someone, I find it easier to “talk” to them through a poem or words in general; I get tongue tied carrying on a conversation a lot.  I just don’t have the confidence I seem to find somewhere in my writing.

Do I like myself more?  That’s a tough one.  I think I do prefer the blog me.  I don’t have much self-worth in real life.  I am starting to believe my writing is ok.  I have a few followers that tell me I am doing a good job anyway.  And I think I have more friends in the blogging community than I trust in real life.  I have three people in the last 8 or 9 years that have just turned around and walked away.  So, it is hard to trust… and my ex-husband didn’t help me with the trust issues with him being an alcoholic.  But yes, I like my blogging me better than the real world me.


Written for Fandango’s Provocative Question (#FPQ) #64

A Princess, A Knight and A Rant

Once upon a time…

The world does not have fairy tales.  It has the monsters and demons but never the happy ending.  Why do we make almost all stories end happy?  When was the last time you left a movie upset because the ending did not wrap things up in a neat little smile?  There is always a message of hope or a future of possibilities waiting in sparkling rainbows.  That is not real life.

Life seems more like a formula of one step forward two steps back.  There is a new baby for a friend, while 4 others suffer the loss of a family member or close friend.  One person I know gets a job, while two others still hit the pavement turned away door after door.  Even something as simple as a great sale at the store on meat, but the price of bread and milk sky-rocket.  Where is the balance?

As a kid teeter totters were fun, even the unexpected bump occasionally.  Now the bumps leave me bruised and I am light headed from the up and down with no stopping.  A merry-go-round brought smiles at 6 years old, now life’s unending spin leaves me dizzy with confusion and frustration.  Back when life was full of innocence a roller coaster gave a small scare before the rush of wind in a free fall.  Now life’s roller coaster emotions leave me in pain gasping for relief.

If fairy tales were real family would not rob each other, friends would never lie, lovers would not cheat and we would always help out a stranger.  Sadly that is not reality… can I become a kid again?